Don't think it's OCD

26 April 2016 - 10:28

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It doesn't feel like OCD, if it is it's damn amazing at disguising itself, It feels like I don't even care anymore and that I'm just holding on for the sake of it, and I would be much happier if I left them go, I'm gay I must be, I feel urges around guys I wish I didn't I probably had them before the obsession started, I've lost everything I've ever loved because I'm convinced It wasn't real or they was some kind of reason to which I thought it was, (The things I loved by the way) Now it feels the only thing stopping me from going gay is myself, it feels just like denial, and I feel nothing towards MM anymore, and it feels like I don't even care.. I give up :''''''(

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26 April 2016 - 14:43

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Location: Cambridgeshire
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Afternoon, I know it's very difficult to accept how we feel because we have this expectation of how things should be.  However you will know what is right because it will feel right for you. 

There is no reason why you shouldn't follow your heart and be the person you want to be.  So many people have caused themselves misery because they hold back.

I hope you find true happiness and contentment in the future.

Best wishes

Ladymouse

26 April 2016 - 15:45

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You saying this must be right then? Arghhhh! I'm not going to throw everything away I've ever loved, because of something that is forced! I just won't do it!, looks like i'll be staying off these forums in future. Sorry but I feel like I've been forced to live a life I don't want. I quit! 

26 April 2016 - 17:04

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Nobody can tell you who you are and when we're young we're not even sure ourselves. We are constantly changing. Unfortunately OCD hates this as it's fuelled by the need to have 100% clarification about our sense of self. But this is an impossible task, it's only when we accept that uncertainty that things start to improve.  Gay, straight, somewhere on the spectrum...none of these things matter at all. What matters is having a good quality of life and finding peace somehow. 

Asking strangers on a forum to evaluate who you are isn't going to do anything because it's totally unreliable. What's needed is constructive steps in the right direction; be in therapy or social interaction or even just light exercise.

Poor mental health can also make us feel apathetic about things we were once passionate about, that is very common,  

26 April 2016 - 17:55

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Location: Lancashire (England)
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It's all very confusing but the clearest answer I can come up with is... if you want to leave MM, leave.  If you don't like that idea, then presumably that means you don't want to leave so there's no case to answer, as lawyers say.

Don't worry about what Ladymouse said, it was rather confusing but, reading it, I think what she was trying to say was that if leaving and looking for a man instead is what you want to do, then do that - but if you don't want to do that, if that doesn't feel right to you, then it's not right and there's no call to worry about whether you "should" do that.  (And I suspect you don't, or you wouldn't be so upset at the idea - if it was actually what you wanted to do, then there wouldn't really be a problem.)

26 April 2016 - 22:44

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I see your point, I do NOT wont to leave her behind, I'm fighting this damn problem so I can be happy and love her like I used to, it just feels like I want to, thats the major problem, I'm always asking for reassurance, always thinking about it. I'm having crying spells all of the time, i'm getting really upset. :,(

  

26 April 2016 - 23:08

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well.. i guess ocd is really playing with your mind.. and i know things can get really complicated and somehow they all make sence and somehow they just dont make any sence at all. But if everything is true ive red about ocd and i place my bet on that is you dont have to figure it out since the thoughs dont have any meaning. Also i think ocd doesent change what you want to do, it can throw different "what ifs" at you andd stuff but not what you really want to do so i would go for that^^. I hope this helps some

This post has been thanked 1 time. 26 April 2016 - 23:17

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Hey, don't worry I get the exact same thing! A lot of us do!

I had a session with a terrible therapist the other day who didn't understand OCD and just told me all my fears were true and I had such a bad panic attack that I made myself physically ill for over a week! Someone said to me the other day when I was low that there wouldn't be any panic involved if you truly were gay, it would just feel natural!

I don't know if this will help you but try reading this... http://www.brainphysics.com/research/sexualocd_gordon02.pdf

it's helped calm me down so much as I can relate to most of it, I hope it can help you in the same way! 

This post has been thanked 2 times. 28 April 2016 - 19:25

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Hello Adam!

I have OCD, and I am gay. Yes, it is possible to be/have both. I say this not to scare you but to try and point out the differences in our cases.

When I figured out I was gay, I was scared, I even felt guilty. I wished I was straight. But there was no doubt over the possibility, no checking. Because I knew that I was attracted to women. I didn't need to test myself and ask myself if I was actually gay. It was just obvious to me.

Now I know I have OCD, I know what an obsession and a compulsion feels like. And for me, being gay did not fit that pattern. Whereas for you it certainly sounds like OCD.

Not sure if this helps at all but feel free to ask me further questions.

29 April 2016 - 11:13

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Thanks, OCDDoubter, It just feels like I've changed, discovered who I am, however I've always loved women, Fantasized over them, and I had 0 doubt I was straight, turning gay for me would mean leaving loved ones, or believeing I don't love them sexually and romantically, when it was clearly obvious I did, I'm constantly asking my parents for reassurance too the point, it's driving them mad, I crushed hard on Marilyn Monroe before this obsession started, it feels like she's worthless now (damn thats hard to say) and yes I find myself mental testing, mainly during masterbation. I just feel gay now though that my past (I'm 23) was a lie and I didn't even know it. To be honest I can't tell the difference between reality and what's not, anyone else get this? 

29 April 2016 - 11:16

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Add my Autism into the mix = Disaster!

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