The following article appeared in the Woman's Own Magazine on 3 March 2003 and huge thanks to Jen Briggs for submitting the article to us.

It tells the real life story of one womans battle with OCD and the article actually helped many people realise they suffered with OCD.

Bizarre Obsessions kept me from my sick daughter

When little Rosie Hargreaves was taken seriously ill, her mum finally had to face the fears that have controlled her life for 30 years
By Sera Le Grice

Late one hot August evening last year, Ian and Alison Hargreaves routinely looked an on their four-year-old daughter. But instead of gently sleeping. Rosie was shaking violently, her small limbs were convulsing and foam was frothing at her mouth. This was the worst fit she had had and she needed help fast.
Little Rosie suffers from epilepsy, and although she is on a course of regular medication. If the fits are bad enough, she needs immediate hospital attention or she could suffer permanent brain damage.
'Ian held her while I called 999," says Alison, 40, emotion welling up at the memory of that awful night. 'Then. what I should have done - what any other normal mother would have done - was rush back to my child's bedside and stay with her until help came.'
Instead. while Ian held Rosie in his arms and waited for the ambulance, Alison began carrying out a bizarre set of rituals that have controlled virtually every waking moment of her life since adolescence.
She went into the bathroom, then the kitchen, and checked that all the taps were turned off, touching and squeezing each one a set number of times before moving on to the next.
Then Alison went through every room in her two-bedroom semidetached house in Chortey, Lancashire, making sure all the doors and windows were properly secured. She checked the cushions were perfectly straight on the settee and that the coffee, tea and sugar jars in the kitchen were facing the right way.
Finally, she changed into the only clothes she allowed herself to wear outside the house: a top and trousers with zipped pockets. She checked that her bank cards were in one pocket, put her keys in another, then squeezed each pocket and tugged each zip several times in a specific order until the ritual was complete.
When she had finished, instead of going back to check on Rosie, Alison stood guard over the house, making sure that nothing 'bad' entered, to disrupt the perfect order she had worked so hard to achieve.
'Even when the ambulance pulled up outside, I was still going through all the checks in my head,' Alison admits. 'I was doing them faster than usual. but even at a time like that. I still had to do them. I didn't want to do them. I was compelled to do them.
When the ambulance arrived. Ian and Alison traveled with it to nearby Chorley Hospital and from there onto Preston Royal Hospital, where doctors rushed to Rosie's side. But instead of staying with her daughter. Alison went to the toilets, where she repeatedly checked her pockets. touching and counting her bank cards and keys in multiples of three.

Alison suffers from obsessive compulsive disorder (OCD). an anxiety-related illness that can take over sufferers' lives. 'Some people smoke when they're anxious. Out I check things again and again or count them. she says. It s as if it doesn't register the first time I do it and I feel that if I don’t do it again. then something bad will happen. Sometimes I have to count and check things up to 12 times
I felt so guilty about not being with Rosie that night I knew the checking wasn't important. but it still came first. Thank God Ian was there or I don't know what would have happened - it's frightening to think about it. Luckily. Rosie got to the hospital in time and only had to stay in for one night. For Alison, who had some counseling for her problem when she was younger, that evening was her wake-up call to seek further help.
Alison first realised that there was something different about her when she was 11 years old, about the time her mother remarried 'I remember making myself check and recheck that the bathroom taps were turned off.' she recalls.
From a very early age, on her way to school every morning, she also had to go back and reassure herself that the front door was properly shut, and she felt compelled to make sure that her bedroom was just so.
At first, her behaviour didn't seem anything to worry about. but when her friends began to tease her gently, she realised that something wasn't right. I kept telling myself that t could hide it. but it got a lot worse as I got older. she says.

Alison left school to work in a textiles factory, packing boxes of thread. 'My compulsion began to affect my work,' she recalls. I had to spray-clean reels of thread. wrap them and put them in boxes. but I'd wonder if I'd cleaned them properly, and the doubt would creep in Then I'd have to do it again and again I'd be doing six boxes in a shift, while the others would be doing 20.'

Alison married her first husband. Mark, when she was 22. With the birth of their daughter. Claire. who's now 17. her condition reached new levels. It started with the windows. I couldn't have them open. and if someone opened one, I’d go mad.

Then I started "sealing" ail the rooms, one by one. Each morning, l’d start in the bathroom, counting and checking the taps and windows and straightening the towels. then I'd shut the door to "seal" it so nothing could disturb it. Then I'd go into the bedroom and do the same in there. I'd work my way through the house like that. If anyone disturbed me. I'd have to start again.

Alison split up from Mark in 1993, and a few months later she met lan, a factory worker. Although my OCD wasn't the cause of my marriage falling apart, It certainly didn't help,' she admits. ‘So when I met Ian, I was terrified of losing him.'

Ian and Alison married in 1996. full of hope for a fresh start. The following August. baby Rosie was born and their happiness seemed complete. "We moved house and at first t was fine. I thought, -Brilliant, I’m cured," says Alison But the anxiety started building again.'

Alison’s obsessions began to spread to other objects in the house. and before long all sorts of normal household appliances became no go areas. 'I even had to get rid of the washing machine, she admits. `To me, it was a potential flood: a danger I was becoming so anxious about keeping Rosie away from it that it was easier to get rid of it and go to the launderette instead.

`And t still can't use the iron or the oven because there's too much potential danger.' she says. adding that she can only cook on an electric grill- `There are no roast dinners in this house,' she laughs wryly, "On Christmas day we had grilled chops. "The car had to go too as Alison was spending too much time checking its windows. doors switches and dials.

Recognising the condition was the first step on a long read to recovery, and Alison is now starting cognitive behaviour therapy. which focuses on cutting down the rituals After beginning treatment. She’s now optimistic that she will get better.

One of my tasks at the moment is to leave all the tea and coffee jars unstraightened and then watch them and wait - to convince myself that nothing terrible will happen. From that. We’ll build up to bigger things.' she says. It may sound stupid to most people, but to me it s a mountain to climb I’m not a monster. I'm a caring mum who loves her daughter and I've gone through the guilt of being a bad mother because I let my ritual take over while Rosie was lying helpless, needing me. `But I've been burying my guilt to far too long. and I'm not going to let my rituals take over again’.

Alison’s main concern at present is that her daughter doesn't follow in her footsteps. I remember when I was toilet-training her. One day. after I'd put her on the toilet. I was checking the bathroom taps and counting under my breath. she recalls. A few days later. I noticed that Rosie was mimicking me - opening and closing the kitchen cupboard and saying, 'Checked I was horrified, and it has made me determined that, for her sake. I'll beat my obsession.

Source: Womans Own