OCD Action

Cuthbert ffoliott
Moderator

Hi everyone -

this is a topic which has interested me for a long time now. Since the times when my OCD (checking, hoarding) became unbearable and caused real damage in my life (as to studies, job, relationships, structuring of the day), I have fantasized quite a bit about people without the disorder.

It went more or less like this: I felt hit unjustly, by this incapacitating disorder. I looked out of the window of my student's flat. I saw others leaving home, to pursue their studies. Others already had found a job. Others again left for holidays, with a backpack, skis, whatever. I think it is very human to feel jealous in such a situation, knowing that you don't have that freedom; or at the very least, you have to work hard and fight the fight to just leave your own room to do some errands (which is why you postpone it some time, until it's really necessary). I fantasized about the freedom of those I saw, they just had turned a key and left home, all of which was accomplished in a mere minute or so.

They all seemed so relaxed. And I trembled and sweated and was tired when I finally could mount my bike, to do half an hour of shopping.

Please don't see this as a display of self-pity; it's that one has to deal with unwanted emotions (like jealousy, as I said), and one knows very well that one can't let those bottled-up feelings out onto others. So real additional frustration (apart from OCD itself, I mean) is a true pressure in itself.

Any thoughts? I am curious, so please spout forth...

Cheers, Cuthbert.

Thu Oct 13 2011 12:17:41 #
BT
Member

Dear Cuthbert, I am just the same. I recently told a cousin I am envious of something she takes for granted and she warned me that envy is bad for the soul! I tried to explain that I am not bitter, it’s not that kind of emotion, it’s just a longing to be able to relax and do the simple things in life that others take for granted. Jealousy and envy are not really the right words, it is more fantasising, like you said, of what could be - should be! I told my cousin that I don’t believe there’s a word in the English language that accurately describes my feelings. Like you, it isn’t self-pity and there’s no bitterness.

Thu Oct 13 2011 13:47:52 #
Zara112
Member

I try and think that there is always someone suffering more than me.
However its hard for that to work. I oftenwonder what it would be like just to b normal, and really wonder why i am not.. w hy is it me who has t osuffer with this

Thu Oct 13 2011 13:53:36 #
Cuthbert ffoliott
Moderator

Cheers to BT and Zara, I recognize elements in the posts of the both of you. BT is right: it's not pure jealousy (but indeed, a good word is hard to find!). 'What could be - what should be' is very accurate.

And Zara - one can indeed compare oneself to someone else with heavier problems. But there must be a caveat here: when I did this, I ended up with more feelings of guilt than I already had. Like saying to yourself: hey, Cuthbert, see that blind man there? Now that's a cross to bear... which in itself is true, but your yourself implicitly think: your problem isn't really big. And that is a trap, believe me, because OCD precisely is a huge problem.

Cheers, Cuthbert.

Thu Oct 13 2011 14:18:30 #
Zara112
Member

I've got to say, i never feel guilty... I do think people are worse of than me, and think maybe i shouldnt be so selfish, but i dont fell guilty for feeling like this.

Why should i go through periods of feeling like 'its ok, if it keeps getting worse, theres always death'... like thats a better option...

Thu Oct 13 2011 14:33:14 #
Tess
Member

Hi Cuthbert
Interesting post. I understand exactly where you're coming from and maybe I'm just fortunate but I seem to have reached a point of acceptance. I don't know what life would have been like if OCD had not struck me down in my early 20's. Life with OCD has brought many experiences and along with the difficulties it has brought constant challenges and I believe it has made me a more caring and empathic person than I could ever have been without it. I don't compare my life with others, those without OCD just have a different type of journey through life with different challenges to face.

Thu Oct 13 2011 17:07:02 #
Zara112
Member

Tess its nice that you can be at peice with it...

In my mind I see it as, they have challenges in life, but i have the same challenges they have and the ocd, axiety anddepresion ontop of that.

Ive had ocd since i was 4, so dont really know a life without it.

I wouldnt say im bitter, i just get sad when thinking of what my life would be like without it, what it would be like to be free.

I liek ot think i am wuite understanding and open minded, i dont no if this is because of the ocd or because of me generally

Fri Oct 14 2011 8:07:11 #
Tess
Member

I've been trying to work out what happened to make me reach a point of acceptance in the hope that my experience will help others and I've reached the conclusion that it is a combination of factors.
First and foremost is being in a relationship in which I feel totally confident that I am loved unconditionally despite the restrictions and pressures my OCD puts on both of us and I realise that I am extremely fortunate to have found someone who loves me enough to be willing to live with my OCD long term. Why is he willing to do this? I think the answer is because he also has mental health issues so he understands and there is a mutual empathy and also he came into the relationship after a very bad experience of being let down so he was not expecting the world. I always say when you go shopping for a partner don't be pursuaded by the glossy covers, look in the bargain basement and you may find undiscovered or discarded treasure.
Another huge factor in coming to terms is having a way of life which you enjoy. OCD comes with so much guilt but if you don't look after yourself and do what you want to do and what makes you feel fulfilled then the OCD will just attack you with a vengeance.
No 3 tip is to have a passion in life and to follow it, channel your OCD into it and let it drive you to achieve something positive so that you can look back and feel proud of what you have acheived. It doesn't have to be anything grand or special in the eyes of the world, as long as it's special to you that's all that matters.
Finally increasing age is a natural way of reaching acceptance and this is something which will happen without any mental effort.
Incidentally, despite all the thoughts above I suspect my daily seroxat may be the biggest factor of all!

Fri Oct 14 2011 9:06:57 #
Cuthbert ffoliott
Moderator

Hiya Tess -

thank you for a most beautiful post, with a funny twist at the end! Unfortunately I have to log out, but I'm glad I caught this one just in time.

Cheers, Cuthbert.

Fri Oct 14 2011 9:20:07 #
BT
Member

I was looking for a quote by Anne Frank, but can’t find it. Like Cuthbert, I find thinking of others who are worse off adds to my guilt, and leads to a greater depression. Anne Frank expressed this view, after her mother encouraged her to think of others who were worse off. Anne felt it was the wrong approach and added that we should surround ourselves with beauty rather than darkness. The beauty of nature, music etc. Besides, it’s not always clear who is worse off, as suffering is often relative. Recently, I was listening to a blind man giving an interview on the radio, he stated that, as a group, blind people are happier than sighted people. This may be hard to understand.

A good friend of mine visited Lourdes when she nineteen. She had been quite severely handicapped by childhood polio, she also suffered OCD and manic depression. Even though I understand the pain of OCD and depression, I was quite surprised when she told me her greatest wish, while at Lourdes, was for healing of her mind, not her body.

Tess is right about acceptance, although it’s not always easy to attain. I am there 90% of the time, I would say. Acceptance reminds me of the Serenity Prayer ‘God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, courage to change the things I can, and wisdom to know the difference.’

Fri Oct 14 2011 12:25:39 #
S*F
Member

Hi All

I am a member of a 12 step fellowship and one of the sayings is 'acceptance proved to be the key'. I wholey agree with this statement. I was bulemic for years and it was only when I was honest with myself and those around me about what I was doing that I was able to accept that I had an eating disorder. Today I can accept that I always have a slightly off key relationship with food, the thing is food/weight etc no longer dominates my every waking moment. I reached this state of acceptance through hard work, honesty and willingness to do whatever it took to recover. I am planning to take the same approach with the OCD. Like Zara112 I'v had OCD since childhood so I have no experience of what life would be like without it. That makes me sad I'm fully prepared to admit that I am envious of 'normies'. I do look at people in wonder and wish I was able to 'let go and live' in the manner that they appear to. Mainly because I can only imagine what it must be like to live with a freedom that at the moment I can only dream of.

Fri Oct 14 2011 17:05:51 #