OCD Action

ocd_mum
Member

Hi! I only seem to come onto this forum when I have a question. Sorry, anyway, my son is 18ys of august and 12 months ago was diagnosed with OCD intrusive thoughts, he is now on 60mg of fluoxetine and is coping really well until now.... For the pas 2 nights he has been to relatives and friends and breaking his hear stating he can't cope with these intrusive thoughts any more and doesn't see the point of continuing his life, (but assures me he won't do anything stupid). We have a very open relationship and thankfully tells me his intrusive thoughts etc, however over this wkend he went out Friday and Saturday after splitting with his girlfriend (of 12 months) I personally think it had ended 1 month ago but he couldn't because of his guilty feelings. Anyway he has know this other girl a few months and really likes her but feels he has to tell her about his OCD and intrusive thoughts that he has done in the past. He feel trapped in his previous relationship as she know all about him and I suppose felt secure. What should I tell him to do and I know the suicidal thoughts were because of the drink over the wkend and the stress of his old relationship and fear of being judged by his new relationship.

Tue Aug 16 2011 7:31:26 #
BT
Member

Hello, Alcohol can certainly make us much worse and it’s not good combined with a high dose (or any dose really) of an SSRI. If your son is open with you, I would discuss whether those suicidal thoughts were fleeting, or whether he just doesn’t like to burden you. If they were not due to the weekend’s drinking etc, I think it’s worth your son speaking to his GP about suicidal thoughts. I found a dopamine antagonist added to my SSRI made a considerable difference to my intrusive thoughts. Perhaps your son’s GP will refer him to a psychiatrist to discuss other possibilities.

As to sharing our intrusive thoughts with a partner, especially early on in a relationship, I would advise against it. In my experience, few people really understand and it could put an end to a relationship before it’s had a chance to develop.

Tue Aug 16 2011 10:36:53 #
Tess
Member

Hi OCD Mum
Don't know if I'm going to be able to help you on this but didn't want to see your post unanswered. I'm sorry to hear your son is going through a difficult patch at present and I think the reasons are fairly obvious, he has been through a stressful patch with a relationship ending and a new one starting and all the associated emotions, guilt and uncertainties.
I think all you can really do is listen and empathise and be there for him when he wants to open his heart to you. He has to make his own decisions and learn from his mistakes. The most I think you can do is to explain his options and possible consequences. A word of advice about booze and medication might be sensible as too much alcohol can make depression worse.
I found myself in a similar situation when my son asked for advice when he started to get cold feet about his forthcoming marriage. I tried not to give advice but just talk about pros and cons, he made his own choice and the consequences were disatrous and tragic and no-one could have foreseen them. If you advise and get it very wrong you will not be able to forgive yourself. If your son's suicidal thoughts increase then you need to take it very seriously but if he is assuring you he will not act on them then I would try not to worry. As for what he discloses to his new girlfriend about his OCD she will probably realise there is something wrong if the relationship becomes close and I think the best way is for them to talk about it when it feels right to them. I don't think there is any need for him to rush in and tell her at an early stage in the relationship as it will probably serve little purpose other than to relieve his guilt. Unfortunately life seems to have a habit of just transferring worries and sometimes it can be better to hang on to them for a while until they become less irksome.

Tue Aug 16 2011 10:42:59 #
ocd_mum
Member

Thank you soo much for the above (2) replies I have taken the advice onboard and greatly appreciate your time in replying. I did talk to him about alcohol being a depressant and can make his intrusive thoughts worse to which he seemed to agree but like all teenagers he has to learn the hard way

Thanks again x

Tue Aug 16 2011 11:16:57 #
Truddles
Member

We've discussed the problem of should we tell new partners before on the forum, but I can't remember where.

I think that the advice given by Tess is good advice

As for what he discloses to his new girlfriend about his OCD she will probably realise there is something wrong if the relationship becomes close and I think the best way is for them to talk about it when it feels right to them. I don't think there is any need for him to rush in and tell her at an early stage in the relationship as it will probably serve little purpose other than to relieve his guilt.

Something to consider when meeting anyone new is - If the relationship breaks down will it distress you knowing that they know that you've got OCD? If it won't worry you no problem but if it would then it's probably best not to disclose especially early on in a relationship. But having said that if someone notices and asks what the problem is I find it best to be honest and tell them, though not necessarily all the more awkward OCD symptoms.

If suicidal thoughts are occurring even if it's just part of the OCD and not because of depression he needs to talk to a professional about it. It shouldn't be ignored. Sometimes just talking to a professional about this helps to quieten the thoughts.

Tue Aug 16 2011 11:42:26 #