Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder (OCD)
Just an update from my last message. Thanks to everyone who replied - that was really nice of all of you!!!! I havn't got much time now, so I'm not going to reply individually - v.sorry!!!!
I plucked up the courage to tell my mother yesterday. I had read of all these stories about people who tell someone and suddenly feel greatly relieved. Hmm.... I think the best way to describe what I felt is probably "uh oh, what the hell am I doing?".
I was prepared for a number of things:
- my mother might not know what OCD is
- she might want to speak to the school nurse
- she would want me to go to the gp
But I definitely was not expecting her to think that I am a hypochondriac who has read too many sensational stories. Her initial reaction was to stare at me with a rather shocked look on her face. I gave a small explanation that I had been to the school nurse, my friends that I had told etc. She said it didn't sound like OCD to her. She hadn't seen me do anything strange (despite my explanations that a lot of it is counting inside my head). She then moved on to give me more and more examples. I told her that I have to look out the window to swallow - I didn't mention the looking out of the top-right-hand-side corner of the window, that there must be no trees and that I must lift my feet off the ground - I just didn't feel comfortable. She wanted to know more, so I told her that I count things and have to do things in fours. The conversation went on a little this ....
M - so what else do you?
P - i count things
M - what things
P - everything, or whenever i feel i should do
M - could you be a bit more specific?
P - how?
M - well tell me what sort of things you count
P - i just told you, i count anything
M - you're not explaining this very well.
It should be noted that my mother is often very slow on the uptake. People start to explain something to her, which is really very simple and only on the 5th time does she begin to grasp what they are saying.
A little more conversation followed:
M - but that means your anxious about something
P - well i suppose
M - what though?
P - i don't know
M - you must know
P - umm, no, i don't
M - i think you do
P - no
M - i think the reason the school nurse said to speak to me was because
she knew you wouldn't want to tell her the reason.
WRONG!!!!
My mother is the last person I would trust. I felt totally awkward speaking to her. Okay, she was right on one point, I do know (or at least suspect) the reasons behind my behaviour. I think it started when I joined my new school, I had difficulty making friends and always felt left out. So everything I did had to be equal - if I touch something with my left-hand, I had to touch it with my right-hand. Everyone was equal, no one was at a disadvantage because they didn't have friends etc.
So I said goodnight, went to my room, hid in my bathroom and cried. But my mother had decided to follow me and wanted to speak to me. I tried to cool down my puffy eyes with a flannel, hope it worked. What followed was another interrogation on how I must know what I'm anxious about etc. etc. Insisted I didn't know, went to my room, cried some more, tidied up a bit, and cried on and off until I finally went to bed at about 1.00 am.
Hate my mother now - why couldn't she just bloody well listen?
I wish she had just said thank you for telling her, we'd go and see the gp and not to worry. But instead I was told that she would now be worrying all day and all night about me. Great!!!!
I've got to go now, but thanks again for the replys!!!!
Luv Piper xxxx
In time she will come round and be there for you.
To you, it probably is ancient!)
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Posted August 17, 2010