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Turns out you shouldnt tell people about your ocd!

(36 posts) (11 voices)

Started 1 year ago by jessie
Latest reply from Tess
This topic is Not a support question

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jessie
Member

Well to say I feel hurt is a understatement, my flat mate who I considered to be a good friend has hurt me like no one else can.

We recently had a falling out over bills etc. I used to tell her everything about my OCD and how it made me obess over my ex bf and certain things. So i go on facebook today and she has wrote on a guys wall who recently added me no clue who he is. I deleted my facebook only to reactivate it the next day to find she wrote on hsi wall " dont worry the crazy lady has deleted facebook, no staking for you". Then she also wrote on his wall Im worried for your safety ie hinting at me. Is it me so is this absolutly terrible i told her all my issues in good faith and shes done that. I really need advise on how to deal with this issue as im really struggling

Tue May 10 2011 17:13:36 #
Tess
Member

Hi Jessie
I'm really sorry to hear about this. From your post yesterday when you said your flat mate had been overcharging you for bills and now this, my feeling is that your flat mate is not a good friend. What she has done is cruel and spiteful.
As for whether or not we should disclose our OCD, there has been a lot of discussion about it on the forum and I think the general feeling was that it is best only to disclose it to close family members and people you can trust totally not to use it against you. Your flat mate is obviously angry and she has hit back at you in the way she knows will hurt you most.
But - you are not a crazy lady, no-one who has OCD is crazy, our thoughts and emotions are exactly the same as everyone else's, we are just much more sensitive and deep thinking. Don't let her put you down and if possible don't give her the satisfaction of knowing how much she has hurt you. Channel all your hurt and anger into the work for your exams and prove to them by doing well that there is nothing crazy about you.

Tue May 10 2011 17:52:50 #
jessie
Member

Thanks Tess,

Thats excally how I feel like shes hit in back the only way she knows will effect me, and that hurts more than anything she can tell me im ugly, fat whatever but the OCD has pushed me so far that I am literally shaking with anger when I think about it. My mum told me to ask her as she was shocked when I told her. The problem is I no she nos my ex bf so no doubt shes told him i stalk him which I really dont so god nos what he now thinks of me. I feel like crying so hard I can feel inside me. Im ment to be going out for dinner soon but I keep putting the time back more and more as I feel like I am just going to break down so hard when I face the world. This sort of thing has happened far to often in my life I have never had any good friends when I was younger about 14 my mum got cancer and all my friends abonded me they said "just cause your mums got cancer doesnt mean you should be moody" and bammmm that was it and it happened several times since. I think maybe Im such a bad person that I deserve to be punished and sometimes wonder if people would be better off if I wasent here without sound glum.

Tue May 10 2011 18:01:50 #
Ratwomble
Member

Dear Jessie,

That's appalling. I have to say that I do not consider Facebook necessarily a force for good. I think it is far too easy to pick on people using it. I agree with Tess that she is clearly no friend.

But I'm not sure about not telling anyone about your OCD. Now I am about three times you age and I know that my friends and family tend to be much the same age as me, but I have generally found my experience of telling people about my OCD positive.

When I was very ill, I found that some people were very supportive and understanding. Sure, some of my family put as much distance between me and them as possible, but I sort of understand how frightened they were. Mainly people were understanding and supportive. Certainly no one was as nasty and vindictive as your flatmate. Time perhaps, for a new flat?

I suppose what I think is that you should be careful who you tell, but recognise that the support and love of those close to you is a key part of recovery

Hugs

David

Tue May 10 2011 18:07:28 #
Tess
Member

Hi Jess
Don't ever think you're a bad person or that people would be better off without you because it's not true. Your OCD will tell you that but it's lying to you because that's what OCD does.
You don't "stalk" your ex, you still think about him and at times you look on his facebook page and try to get a glimpse of him - and if she does tell him then he should be flattered. I still think about a particular ex bf after nearly 50 years, so what - I adored him and he was a rat to me, but I can't erase him out of my mind because he once meant a lot to me.
I think you should get yourself ready to go out and take some extra tissues with you just in case but try to enjoy your evening. Your flat mate is not worth crying over.

Tue May 10 2011 18:15:36 #
mattwords
Member

I'm with Tess this is not necessarily an OCD thing, was he your first true love? I still think about mine all the time and we broke up 20 years ago and I've not even seen him for 9 years!! But I still look him up sometimes, see how he's getting on, we have mutual friends and we discuss each other, thats normal. You never forget your first love.

As for the flatmate - get rid asap!! She's ripped you off and is now stabbing you in the back. I do think you have to think carefully about who you tell.

It all came to a head for me at the end of uni a few years ago (mature student and became a single mum it was all v stressful)

You can be pleasantly and unpleasantly surprised. People I didn't think of as particularly close friends were fantastic and other people I expected more from i didn't see for dust!! But no-one was downright nasty. The uni lecturers were great, very supportive.

Forget this person, have as little to do with her as necessary until you can arrange to move out.

Good Luck

Tue May 10 2011 20:39:43 #
jessie
Member

Just got home actaually had a nice time :).

I really dont no what to do about the whole suitation as I feel like I should comfront her but I dont no if that wud just cause more hurt.
To be honest he isnt my first love in fact i didnt love him at all, but the problem is I spilt up with my real bf in Jan which destroyed me and I think I used this guy as a rebound but the feelings i have must be for my previous partner as I just tryed to fill the major gap in my life.

I cant wait to move out of this flat I did try ringing my estate agent today to see if I could get out sooner but looks aqt tho i have to wait until the end of the contract. ( I am now being bitten really badly by bed bugs and our flat has a mouse infestation) can you imagion all of that plus exams plus 2 jobs not the best for OCD i must say.

I really have to be careful now about my ocd and who I tell, my problem was I have had it so long and it was always a secret once i understood and dealt with it i fnd i can tell people really easily as it was so diffcult before hand. But i think now after this you really do have to be aware that people let you down and break trust and friendship. I could say so much about my flat mate and the secrets she shared with me but im not like that I never open my mouth and never will because if someone confides in me its not my place to share that info I guess thats why I feel so hurt.
Jess x

Tue May 10 2011 21:17:01 #
sweeteater
Member

Dear Jess
I'm not surprised you feel hurt at this 'friend's behaviour- she certainly hasn't acted like a good friend. OCD isn't something to be ashamed of- it's a disorder, nasty and intrusive, thats treatable and is actually quite common. So, for a start, you don't have to feel ashamed about that- I would say that you trusted this friend and she let you down which is upsetting in itself. We've all been there, believe me. Any upset or stress sends OCD through the roof so try to find a place of calm in all this. Like you say, perhaps it is just rebound with this new guy- we think relationships will be a support and look for them, especially when in a time of stress. It might be better not to get into a detailed discussion or argument with your flatmate about the OCD as it will cause you more stress. As with all of us, you'll find friends that you can trust who are intelligent and caring enough to understand an anxiety illness like OCD, and be abe to freely discuss it with them.

Wed May 11 2011 6:26:41 #
jessie
Member

Hey all,

Things have taken a major turn for the worse, the flatmate suitation has completely escalated so far now. Very nasty textes have been swapped between us both and basically making it out that I should be ashamed of my OCD. Then when I didnt think the day cud possibly get any worse, I found out that my mum has wrote a message to my ex bf the first one who I was with for 2 and half years and that done me in as I feel like she went behind my back, she knew I didnt want any of us to contact him due to the way he has acted towards me which I so utterly angery about. It made me feel like the only two people in the world I could trust I no longer could and didnt really see the point of it all anymore I guess my flatmates nasty words kept filling my mind and I felt so low.
My mum and dad managed to calm me down before I done anything silly, but Iv realised that I really have no coping mercinsms what so ever.

I think my mum and dad think its more than ocd now they mentoined bipolar today to me but I dont no. I have had lots of issues within my life and I need to get them sorted but I just feel so down, I have an exam on tuesday. Working 12 hours days this weekend and feel like Im not going to cope. I feel like maybe I shouldnt of taken this job on as its really effecting my exams although the job is such valuable experience to back up my degree. Yet again I still want to message my ex bf to explain that my flat mate will try and turn him against me if she hasent allready but I no this is just going to cause unnessary pain and heartake.

Has anyones OCD ever gotten this bad or relate to anything I just need some advise please.
Jess x

Thu May 12 2011 16:03:28 #
Tess
Member

Hi Jess
So sorry to hear about all this. I guess it depends why your mum felt she needed to contact your first ex bf but if was anything to do with you then I think she was out of order not to discuss it with you first.
As for your flatmate I think we've already established that she was well out of order and also very cruel and the sooner you can part company with her the better.
My advice to you is to try to carry on as best you can with your exam work. As for the job perhaps it would be a good idea to discuss it with your employer and explain that you are finding it hard to fit in the work while you are preparing for and sitting exams and see if you can work out a compromise because once your exams are over you will have more time to spare.
I don't think messaging your ex bf is a good idea. It might make you feel better in the short term but it will just complicate the issues. If your flatmate does contact him and try to discredit you it doesn't mean he will agree with what she says. If he is a sensible person he may realise she is being bitchy and will just think the less of her for doing it.
Hang on to your dignity and self esteem and concentrate on your own future and getting good exam results which will be your passport through life.
As for the suggestion of bi-polar, I assume your parents are not psychiatrists so this is just opinion, you need a professional diagnosis and then you can look at treatment options.
I am disgusted at the suggestion you should be ashamed of your OCD, it just indicates your flatmate's ignorance and prejudice and I thought university students were supposed to be promoting anti-discrimination.

Thu May 12 2011 17:37:12 #
jessie
Member

I guess she wanted to see how he was doing but it really did anger me as there is no need he clearly doesnt care how me and my family are so I was upset that she even bothered after treating my family with such disrespect.

Good news I managed to get out of my contract at the flat so Im really chuffed about that although now I have like 8 days to move which has caused my ocd to go through the roof but Im so glad something good has happened.

Its just tough when so many people have treated you so badly and said such mean things if makes you to start believing in them. I finish uni next week so Im moving back home and going to get some decent councilling I found my second lot on the NHS was awful to be fair.

I used to hide my ocd and kept it a secret for many many years, once I came to terms with it and understood it I gradually opened up to my close family, then over the years I find it easy to tell people or they guess just like my ex bf did. All that work for her to come into my life and make me feel like I should be ashamed, that makes me the most angry and how shes freely calling me insane and crazy to people I dont even no. But I cant let her runie years of hard work. One thing that did make me smile was a text she sent calling me crazy and a stalker so I replied saying well at least I cant help the way I am your just pure evil and you choose to be which is the sad fact.

Thu May 12 2011 20:14:35 #
Ratwomble
Member

Dear Jessie

I'm happy that you managed to get out of your contract and can return home to your famil. Your "friend" is clearly not someone you should be around at the moment.

Don't feel you have to reply to her texts though. Sometimes the only way to win a game is not to play it. She will be out of your life in eight days. Just ignore her until then

Hugs

David

Thu May 12 2011 21:38:23 #
Tess
Member

Hi Jess
I agree with David, rise above people who treat you like your flatmate has done. Unfortunately you will come across attitudes like this throughout life but they are not worth upsetting yourself over. Your OCD will give you strengths as well as weaknesses so build on your strengths and fight the weaknesses. Great news about the flat. When you get home give some thought to getting on a waiting list for some targeted treatment for the OCD - and never forget there are up to 2 million other sufferers in this country so you don't have to go it alone.

Fri May 13 2011 8:18:39 #
person
Member

Being young and having OCD is worst thing.
This person has shown how they really are, your better than whoever she is. Crack on with Uni and
Being yourself.. Of which both will reward you I'm sure.

Also, Jessie is such a nice name.. Haha online compliments will
Never work but it's better than nothing.

Mon May 16 2011 17:12:41 #
nettlenoo
Member

hello hun i wanted to reply i feel for you some people are very nasty and like to hurt other people i also agree with david about not replying to her txt messages your giving her what she wants by replying she knows it will make you react so dont give her the satisfaction. mean people will always be mean but ive noticed they also seem to have the most friends lol go figure that one out. i hope once youve moved out you can move on and not let this little hurdle stand in your way. ocd anxiety / depression for me are so hard to talk about to anyone other than my partner he is a rock i love him dearly he is my best friend basically what im saying is not everyone will judge or criticise you you will find someone in your life who you can share this with be it a friend or relative or partner. and then there is here no one judges you here its great, best of luck with move and the next chapter of your life hun if you ever want to chat pm me take care
nettle xxxx

Mon May 16 2011 17:52:14 #
jessie
Member

Hey everyone thanks for your lovely support messages.

Having a really down day, had a lovely weekend I went away to work which I done last week and was so nice to get way from the day to day rountie of life even if it means i have to work 12 hour days.

But yet again I have come back to this awful flat, I have a uni exam tomorrow havent revised I just want to sit in my bed and not move. Im reallly missing my ex bf today I duno why I just feel so hurt by him and feel so worthless that he doesnt even bother with me anymore or want to be friends maybe my flatmate did tell him stuff but ohh well.

Just getting so fed up so if now seems like a daily struggle to keep going and stay positive when to be honest you dont feel like anyone needs you. I just dont feel like I have anyone to talk to

Jess x

Mon May 16 2011 18:34:30 #
nettlenoo
Member

oh jess im sorry today is tough hun but you can talk here any time you can pm me too if you like hun. your not alone i know though now it feels that way i feel like that sometimes too. when we have really good weekends then back to norm monday we can crash i know i do but keep in mind this coming weekend could be good that way youve got something to look forward too. good luck with exam tomorrow hun take care

Mon May 16 2011 18:48:58 #
Gigolo
Member

Hey Jessie. I've only read your first post on this topic, but needed to reply due to a recent event that had happened to me. Don't take this experience to mean that you cannot tell people about your OCD. This person is just a spiteful, nasty piece of work, possibly a psycho as well.

I say thie because I had a date 2 weeks ago that went really well and I thought we were going to be starting something great. Then the next day she rejected me and indirectly accused me of lying to her. And because I hadn't spoken to her in 2 days, suddenly decided that I was a bad friend. I apologised to her and she threw it back in my face, with an abusive email. I tried to apologise and clear the air, but with no success. You see, she then sent me an email saying I'd better not ruin her chances at the asexual meet, or else. And I exploded at her and told her to p**s off and told her some home truths about her.

Your friend sounds as spiteful and manipulative as she did.

Giles

Tue May 17 2011 8:43:04 #
Tess
Member

Hi Giles
Great to hear from you but sorry about this unfortunate experience. Your date sounds as if she has a lot of issues to address but don't let this event spoil your future.

Tue May 17 2011 8:56:11 #
Gigolo
Member

Thanks Tess, I've sent you a PM. Jessie, I hope the situation you're in sorts itself out soon.

Giles

Tue May 17 2011 11:32:18 #
Gigolo
Member

Thanks Tess, I've sent you a PM. Jessie, I hope the situation you're in sorts itself out soon.

Giles

Tue May 17 2011 11:32:18 #
mattwords
Member

Something my mum does with me and I've started doing myself is focusing on when the stressful thing will be over eg "by this time tomorrow eve the exam will be over and I won't have to worry about it any more and I can treat myself to x y z"

Tue May 17 2011 12:10:48 #
jessie
Member

Thanks everyone for your replies,

Its hard to think that there are some down right horrible people in this world intent on hurting each other when we have done nothing to them. I guess I am very vunerable and she knows this and shes picking up on my weaknesses big time.

Today has been a terrible day as you no I had an exam which I fort started at 2.30 only for me to arrive and find out it started at 2, I couldnt believe it my anexity when into complete overdrive and I actually feel like im loosing it. Maybe its the tablets im on I duno, but im such an organised person and for me to turn up to aan eam LATE, its totally out of character so Im really pretty shitty about myself atm as I actaully feel like i may be going slightly crazy. Although now my 2nd year is finished I dont feel the joy I wanted as now im really worried im buggered it all up. I think my friends feel like im pushing them away and I duno what to do I just dont feel in control atm

Jess x

Tue May 17 2011 17:18:00 #
Ratwomble
Member

Jess

The first thing that you have to do is stop blaming yourself. You have an anxiety disorder. It is treatable. It isnt your fault. You are not losing your mind, you are just very stressed. You are having problems at home, exams at uni and You have recently ended relationships. Your stress levels must be through the roof do it is no wonder that your OCD is rampant.

Are you still planning to head home now? A few weeks relaxing could well be the best thing for you!

And if you didn't pass your exam, you can always resit. No big deal.

Hugs

David

Tue May 17 2011 22:39:32 #
jessie
Member

Hey everyone,

Just need a little help and advise tbh. Iv had a okay few days actually and a really nice day today. Im moving out tomorrow so it seems like everything is going good. Although I still make the mistake of going on my exs facebook, untill today his made everything private which is proberly for the best although its brought all my emotions back now as I cant see anythingg and I really miss him but do I? is just a fake feeling? I have no idea how I feel anymore and Im finding it diffcult as I no relationships arent the be all and end all of the world but I find they really effect me and I do miss him but there isnt anything to miss, I wish I could talk/see him just feel so lonely

Jess x

Thu May 19 2011 20:18:20 #
Ratwomble
Member

Jessie

I think it is probably for the good that he's set his Facebook to private. I think you need to move on. New flat, new boyfriend, new life.

Are you going to go stay with your family now? It would be good for you to be looked after for a while, and I'm sure your family would be glad to have you back.

I know that when relationships end it can leave you feeling very alone, but sometimes it will work out for the best!

Hugs

David

Thu May 19 2011 22:42:03 #
jessie
Member

Thanks David,

I moved back home today for the summer, then im hoping to go back once my 3rd year starts maybe to a houseshare (best option with minimal stress). It was such a bittersweet feeling when I left though as so much has happened since iv been there moved in 5 months ago in love with a guy for 2 and half years. Left alone and very thoughtful, of course I no me and my ex bf werent ment to be but it doesnt stop the feelings of it all. As he was always there wen I moved in and out of all my accommodation and home reminds me of him so its a lose lose suitation.

Anyways back to OCD, i no my family now realise how serious my condition is so my family want "deep talks" to help me which I am slightly not looking forward too as it hurts like hell racking up the past, I cant help but think iv failed by moving home early as I did hate last summer as I done nothing but this year I have no ties and Iv got lots planned.

I feel bad writing on here with my problems but I find it helps, I just feel people may get sick/annoyed with me

Jess x

Fri May 20 2011 16:39:58 #
Ratwomble
Member

Jess

We are here to listen to each other. You don't need to worry about that.

You've got through two years of uni, your family are beginning to see that you are seriously I'll with OCD, you're rid of a horrid flatmate and you are now free sand single. Looks like win win win win to me!

Hugs

David

Sat May 21 2011 5:11:13 #
Lauren
Member

Hi Jessie,

I have been in a very similar situation to yourself, and I know how you feel. If you ever want to chat or have a friend I am here for you, PM me if you ever want to talk. I am just a bit older than you and have had similar things happen to me (OCD, housemates, family, boyfriends) recently so I can sympathise. Hang on in there. Lauren xx

Sun May 22 2011 14:38:47 #
northerndad
Member

Never say never tell a person.Why suffer? People who ridicule the condition are emotionally insensitive and have yet to evolve as humans!! I don't have OCD-I've joined the forum to support a friend with this illness.Through all of their problems, they have still had the time to let me get things off my chest. A true friend will accept you for what you are and without condition.

Tue May 24 2011 23:38:53 #

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