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Tired, lonely, unable to sleep and soon to be redundant usually a fun guy!

(5 posts) (4 voices)
  • Started 1 year ago by Nigel
  • Latest reply from Truddles
  • This topic is Not a support question
  1. Avatar Image

    Nigel
    Member

    Hi All,

    Since joining this forum today after battling with a horendous OCD bank holiday weekend I have met some kind and helpful people on here. I wasn't expecting a quick response or a response at all as many other sites that I have tried haven't really been useful.

    It will soon be 12am and I should be asleep; I've has hardly any sleep all week (usual bedtime is 1-2am and up at 6.30am) because I'm searching for answers to my weird thoughts and actions. On a post today I talked about 'It's taking over my life; please can you you share your experience?' I described how this bank holiday had turned into a nightmare checking for things i knew i didnt have with me at the time like a jacket and then worrying about having trainers taken when the ones I left out are next to me.

    After talking to people on here I felt better for a while and now I feel like crying again. I feel like what if i'm wrong and there were some trainers left out and someone took them. Practically there weren't but as time is going on its like im replacing reality with a perceived version where i have other trainers left out or a jacket. I dont know which trainers but i just feel there were some. even though i know i didnt leave anything out i asked my family and they said there were no trainers or shoes left out today. i asked them repeatily. I know there wasnt then y don't i believe it. i feel at a all time low i spend most of the day in depair and frozen from reality. everyone thinks im strange and i cant admit this to the people closest to me.

    How can i stop doubting everything? am i imagining it or am i wrong and i have lost things? they werent there so how could i lose them....my mind doesn't make sense.

    I have done well in my career and now everything is falling apart. Noone can rely on me, i dont trust my judgement or make decisions. im having strange dreams.

    The other really difficult thing for me is posting letters or giving something to someone. I'm always late cos i can't face it. i have to check sometimes over 100 times(i don't count) that i havent left anything in the envelope. I have to do everything with the opeening facing down and it all above my head so i dont drop anything in. i worry about dropping jewellery that im not wearing or imaginery money. Has anyone heard of this one?

    Please help i need to talk to someone that understands.

    Thank you thank you thank you!

    N

    Mon May 3 2010 22:53:41 #
  2. Avatar Image


    Unregistered

    Hi Nigel,
    Sorry you are feeling so low. My thoughts are a bit different to yours but I know what its like when you can't get a thought out of your head and have to repeatedly check stuff again and again.
    It was interesting what you said about checking things when you are giving stuff to people I never considered this to be part of my OCD but I do have to check numerous times that I haven't left anything in a book/ bag whatever it may be, and then worry about it afterwards.......never considered that being part of OCD before.
    If you are needing to talk to someone there are some helpful contact numbers on the sane website ( there might be on here but I'm not sure).
    I don't have any advice to give you on what to do to stop these symptoms, most people advise speaking to your GP as a starting point, I don't know if you have done this or feel able to do this?
    I am having big troubles with OCD at the mo after years of keeping it manageable so I can really empathise with how scary and frustrating the thoughts and behaviours can be. And also trying to figure out what to do to fix it without finding solutions and getting really frustrated with yourself.
    I hope this response at least brings you the consolation that there are other people out there going through similar experiences and that you are not alone.
    Best wishes
    Jo

    Mon May 3 2010 23:09:54 #
  3. Avatar Image

    Rena32
    Member

    Hi Nigel, you are not alone for I have suffered many of your symptoms. Dropping things, I worry about that all the time. envelopes are also a problem for me. OCD is really a tormenting illness, it is very frustrating, and I understand how you feel. In all my years of having OCD, it has always been like a roller coaster ride, it is better sometimes and then it is really bad at other times. OCD sometimes tricks our minds into believing something that is not reality, like did I really leave anything out, knowing in your mind that you did not leave anything out, OCD plants that doubt that you did, which makes us doubt our own thoughts. I am glad that you are finding support on the forum, it has really helped me, and I look forward to reading more of your posts.

    Tue May 4 2010 3:56:24 #
  4. Avatar Image

    Nigel
    Member

    Hi All,

    Thank you for your support.

    It's morning and I do feellike I'm on a roller coaster up and down every hour or so!

    It came to me this morning that I remember walking down the stairs and thinking there isn't any footwear; the guests are wearing their footwear in the living room, how rude. I remember thinking only one of them took their shoes off in the living room. I know I didn't have any shoes out yet i still am worrying about it.

    Also I'm looking at the coat hook wondering whether there was a coat and now its gone. I didn't bring a coat yesterday but now its getting harder because i think im replacing my memories with 'what if i brought a coat'.

    Please could anyone tell me about the things they do? I just want to see it from an outsiders point of view rather than from within my own head!

    Thank you

    N

    Tue May 4 2010 7:55:55 #
  5. Avatar Image

    Truddles
    Member

    Hi,

    I have the envelope problem too and as for posting things, just the thought freaks me out But I'm trying hard to conquer it, I'm just not very successful at the moment.
    Whilst I'm out I'm always afraid that I have dropped something important, it makes being out a nightmare

    Tue May 4 2010 20:36:31 #

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