OCD Action

Arran
Member

Hello All,

Just before I write my post I want to let you all know my username should be "Arran" and not "xxx" somehow I managed to mess up the recovery process when OCD Action got its makeover at the end of last year, although now it looks like it may be an error with the site itself now and not me. Thank you CAPS and Sysop for looking into it for me

I have not been on the forums for a few months now but wanted to update you all on how things are going for me, especially with my treatment but before I do for those that don't know me here is a little bit of background into my OCD History.

I have suffered with diagnosed OCD since I was 13 (about 15 years) it is thought to have been triggered off by my mother becoming ill and a routine operation causing near fatal consequences, this event started my obsession with contamination which manifested itself in hand washing. I have since over the years suffered with various different OCD focus areas including:

Obsession- Fear of having stolen things from my work place
Compulsion- Checking my pockets at work repeatedly before leaving. This eventually resulted in me being unable to work and suffering from a nervous breakdown.

Obsession- Fear of having contracted HIV
Compulsion- Paying to get tested privately on two different occasions

Obsessions- Fear of having viewed or downloaded unacceptable pictures of children from the internet while looking at legal adult material, which are stored in a laptop that is no longer in my possession but being used by an x-girlfriend. This will result eventually result in my arrest and a prison sentence.
Compulsion- Investigating likely prison sentences on the internet, re-assuring myself by investigating the software that ISP's put in place to block this content.

Obsession- Having all my possessions perfect
Compulsion- Having possessions out of site or covered when not around them e.g TV and Blu-ray player in order to re-assure myself that nobody could accidentally scratch or damage them.

I have been on a number of different medications for my OCD and have received CBT both on the NHS and privately and although my symptoms do sometimes reduce in severity I still cant live any kind of "normal" life.

At the end of last year I decided that enough was enough and as I have not made significant progress with all other avenues I did some research and visited my GP to request a referral to the Maudsley Hospital in London to The Centre of Anxiety and Trauma to which my GP agreed to do.

In early December I received a letter inviting me to an assessment at The Maudsley during which time I would be assessed to see if I was suitable for treatment there and if so how it would be funded as I'm outside the catchment area.
The assessment went well and about three weeks later I received a phone call advising me that I was "entirely suitable for therapy" and it has been agreed that it will be funded by the NCG (National Commissioning Group for Highly Specialist Services) which is part of the Department of Health.

I was obviously over the moon, and felt I was now going to one of the best places in the world for treatment, the place where the people that write the books I have read work I was advised the wait for treatment was between 3-6 months.

Out of the blue in the middle of January I received a phone call from The Maudsley with a very exciting proposition. I was asked if I wanted to take part in some recorded therapy sessions with Professor Jack Rachman from Canada and a therapist at The Maudsley. I obviously jumped at the chance of being offered any kind of treatment this quickly but having done a bit of research on Professor Jack Rachmam I found the following:

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Stanley_Rachman

I'm very much hoping this is going to be the turning point, I have been given this amazing opportunity and I going to throw everything at it.

It all starts tomorrow!

I would like to thank Trudy and Tracia for their personal messages recently. Anne if possible could you pass on Tracia's email address to me please?

Best Wishes to all

Arran

Tue Feb 2 2010 11:42:43 #
Cuthbert ffoliott
Moderator

Hi Arran -

you won't know me, but here's wishing you all the best for the upcoming months (and, I haste to add, the rest of your life...).

Let us know from time to time how it's going, if possible.

Cheers, Cuthbert.

Tue Feb 2 2010 11:52:00 #
Truddles
Member

Best of luck with the appointments tomorrow.

Tue Feb 2 2010 11:56:00 #
Unregistered

Hi Arran
Fantastic news, I am so pleased for you and it's good to hear some positive news, please keep in touch and let us know how you get on.

Tue Feb 2 2010 12:25:40 #
DEAD!
Blocked

Good Luck - Hope it goes well

Tue Feb 2 2010 16:51:04 #
Unregistered

Dear Arran

I am so very pleased you have got your referral so quickly. Well done and very good wishes for your treatment. As I have said many times, being in The Bethlem
was the turning point for me - it literally turned my life around.

I will let you have Tricia's email.
Best
anne

Tue Feb 2 2010 17:06:46 #
Arran
Member

Thank you all for your kind words.

My first appointment went well and although mentally challenging I came away from it feeling positive.

However on the bus to work on thursday the following happened:

“About 12-18months ago I remember signing up to a adult material website and purchasing some online credit using my credit or debit card to view material online. At the time I remember the transaction was not billed to my card but at the time I did not think anything of it but this morning suddenly on the way to work I remembered the event and now I'm struggling to deal with the thought that I have accessed an illegal site and my card details have been logged somewhere and passed onto the Police. I cannot remember the website I went on and have no details of the transaction”

Since the above I think I have found the site I accessed however I'm only 70% sure, although my email seems to be registered it also accesses other site with different names

This seems to me just like another “trigger” and a case of my OCD replying to the start of my treatment, but what is especially difficult for me to deal with that there is no record of my transaction anywhere so I can't even check my bank statement to see what site I went on.

I have made my physcologist aware of the above and I guess we will be discussing this in my session next week, which due to the nature of the topic is going to be very difficult.

I have continued to try and function as normal and not withdraw from life as I know that is the best way forward.

Sat Feb 6 2010 8:47:12 #