OCD Action

Unregistered

If you read an earlier posting, you'll notice that I had something disturbing to tell everybody. I really don't know how to say this. If I had emotions I would cry.......

.....I bought a jigsaw puzzle. It has 1000 pieces and I purchased it from a charity shop in full view of everybody. My god, I should be locked in a care home. I'm 29, but at 3:35pm this afternoon became a 75 year old lady.

On an equally disturbing note, I've done some scripting. I wanted to show everybody what goes through my mind, picturing a situation. Different, but again negative outcomes still occur in real life, usually involving isolation and loneliness. Without any further wait, I give to you my play:

Title: Giles and his future visit to the nightclub

Giles: (thinking - The girls are skimpy slut wear. Their skirts go too high up and they're dancing in that way. I already hate them. God, I'm frightened and uncomfortable. And the thoughts are returning. But I don't feel them in all this noise. This music is s***)

(at the bar)
Giles: Glass of lemonade please
Bartender: What?
Giles: (a little annoyed and louder) Glass of lemonade please
(Giles takes the drink and pays the bartender)
(Giles is now standing rooted to the spot, unable to talk to the really pretty ladies incase they're underage. His sex-drive is now non-existent - No change there then. He tries his hand anyway)
Giles: Hello
Pretty Lady: I'm a lesbian
Giles: okay (I actually put a smiley face in a script. I really am a tit)
(Giles tries again)
Giles: Hi'ya
Pretty lady 2: F*** off. Nobody likes you, you creep!
(Giles goes mental and beats her up)
Giles: You f****** b****! I'll f****** r*** you!
(Giles holds off from the final fateful blow)
Giles: Oh god, what am I doing? Oh god! Oh god
(Giles then runs to the gents, looking for a clean cubicle. Barricading himseolf inside, he performs a handstand and drops his head into the toilet. The point of this is that he will either drown, wake up, or somehow escape from the horrible thing he just did. Who knows, perhaps it wasn't real?)

'Giles is now blind, because unbeknowing to him, he dropped his head into human faeces. He is now serving 7 years for GBH and gets repeatedly violated in prison by a crusty fat old man and his mates.'

That was just a script. It never happened, nor do I envisioning it happening. I wanted everyone to understand, just how alone I am and why I cannot face women, have no sex drive and just what a mess my mind is. Well, you can see it in that rather upsetting and disturbing play I just wrote.

Giles

Fri Feb 26 2010 22:54:28 #
Truddles
Member

Now Giles your mission and should you choose to accept it is - To now write a script in which Giles is able to approach a girl and has a positive outcome.

Seriously, you said that the script that you wrote never happened and nor do you envision it happening so now try writing the script with the opposite outcome, however improbable you may think it at the moment. If you only write scripts with your worst fears you will always assume the worse will happen. It will definitely be harder for you to write the script with the good outcome, but surely that's part and parcel of trying to overcome the OCD? I don't have your particular type of OCD but never the less it's still the same - because I continually imagine the worse (catastrophise) then I'm making it all the more difficult to escape the OCD. Continually thinking of the worst possible outcome prevents you from seeing that not everything you do will end in disaster.

So let's see the alternative to the above mentioned script, please.

Ps This post doesn't self destruct like the tapes on the programme

Trudy

Fri Feb 26 2010 23:18:20 #
mama
Member

That wasnt so disturbing. As far as I know, everyone has those types of scenarios in their heads...just OCDers think it MEANS something about them. Non sufferers think 'huh...THAT was wierd...hey pass the salt'. WE go 'OH MY GOODNESS!!! Why would I even THINK some of that stuff!!?? I must be WIERD! Something is WRONG with me!!??' When in reality...everyone has intrusive unwanted thoughts. They are part of being human, and have no meaning whatsoever as to who we are.
I was doing the dishes once and thought 'what if I dropped this sharp knife and accidentally stabbed my dog...then GASP...what if I did it on PURPOSE!!??' Then I said to myself 'K..that was wierd...nust be watching too many movies or something'...and I went on with the dishes. My friend with 'harm thought' ocd has similar thoughts and thinks she must be a latent animal killer...'what if I REALLY want to do things like that!!?? Maybe I'm a psycho!!?'
So I'd say..no. You are not the only wierd person in the world having 'disturbing' thoughts. You sound quite normal actually...just a little down in the self esteem department. From what I hear you really have no need to doubt girls liking you except I must say the good ones do like a bit of self confidence. SO. You job now is to quit loathing yourself, and learn to love everything about talented Giles. I think that might make a world of difference.
Andrea

Fri Feb 26 2010 23:54:18 #
Lumpy
Member

HI Gilo I am sorry to hear of your suffering. I am unsure what your knowledge is of OCD. YOu need to familiarise yourself with 'The Vicious Flower' for it is this, that is maintaining your OCD. Basically as Mama has pointed out to you, it is the meaning to the thought not the actual thought itself that is your problem.
You have attached meaning to a thought that anyone can experience and this meaning is the centre of your flower. From this there are 4 petals. Namely, Anxiety, Seeking reassurance, your compulsion and finally attentional bias. All of these will add further meaning to your thought.
Please reply to me and I will expand if necessary.
Lumpy

Sat Feb 27 2010 0:26:37 #
poppyfields
Member

Hi Giles like the others say, it's not the thought, we all have them, it's the importance we give the thought that makes it the ocd. So why not try overriding it with other thoughts of a more positive nature, i.e. rewriting the script and let the ocd go hang itself, it ain't worthy of your time and energy. Like Mama says, we all have these intrusive thoughts and while 'normals' will just dismiss them and give them no importance, you are giving them far too much. They are not happening, that is the thought to be aware of and proud of and build upon. I often have the thought of wanting to drive off a cliff or deliberately cause an accident but would never actually do it, doesn't make me a bad person, it's just an over active mind which needs putting back into it's right place of significance. You don't do the things you worry about and never will, so let's have some pride in Giles right now please........

Sat Feb 27 2010 10:42:28 #
DEAD!
Blocked

Aren't you meant to keep writing negative ones and keep reading them, I'm sure it's that way.

It is if you're worried about things like AIDS etc

Sat Feb 27 2010 11:36:42 #
mama
Member

I think you ar right Nicola...the idea is to expose yourself to the 'bad thoughts' and anxiety enough that you get desensitized to the anxiety that the 'bad thoughts' produces. I think they are suggesting Giles say something positive to boost his self esteem...it may help him to see that he is capable of writing a good scenario...but you are right...we are meant to write scripts that scare us till they dont scare us anymore.
Andrea

Sat Feb 27 2010 15:41:18 #
Truddles
Member

Hi Andrea,

I understand the desensitizing I just wanted him to say something positive about himself to boost his confidence and that there is the possibility for good scenarios for all of us

Trudy

Sat Feb 27 2010 15:57:55 #
aishah
Member

Hi Giles,
Sorry you are still struggling with these thoughts. I also suffer from intrusive thoughts and I know how distressing they make you feel and depressed.
I don't have any magic cure or any tips that you don't already know.
I think the script writing was a good idea, did you find it helped lessen the anxiety or not.
I had to recently record some of the thoughts I have on a loop tape, it freaked me out at first but I must say I wasn't as scared of them after a few days.
I also have scenarios going on in my head a lot and they are always so negative and horrible. i have been advised to play the scenario on in my head until it reaches a more positive outcome. I have not been able to master this yet but apparently it works.

By the way, yours is no more disturbing than mine, in fact mine gets much more scary. I guess what I am trying to say is, we are not freaks or dangerous people, our minds are just more active than most and it is the meaning that we attach to our thoughts that make it worse.

I hope in time you are able to manage this problem better.
Best wishes
Bridget

Sat Feb 27 2010 15:58:02 #
DEAD!
Blocked

Andrea - Ah right - didn't think of it like that.

Sat Feb 27 2010 16:30:24 #
Unregistered

Hey all. Thanks for the lovely responses. The scenario I wrote was one that I tend to think about in the shower, when I'm getting dressed. The shower seems to be the high point of my day, as I like taking long showers. Well, the scripting was okay, it got me sleepy one evening.

I really wanna find out where that 50's swing club is in bournemouth.

I'm thinking if I hang about there once a week, it might help with confidence.

Giles

Giles

Sat Feb 27 2010 23:43:35 #