OCD Action

OCDLONELY
Member

I have been fighting this dam illness for pretty much all of my life and I am still nowhere and still have nothing. Last year I met a girl on an ocd page as I said before and she came to visit and we got engaged and she went home (She lives in America) and then everything changed. She said we were moving too fast and she treated me different and started seeing a friend from School. I felt like something was up but she denied it and started saying I was paranoid and being controlling and she broke up with me. The next day she goes to ask this guy if he likes her like that and he turns her down. She then tells me she made a mistake and needs time. This took months and months and she finally said we could be together again but all we did was talk online. She continued hanging out with this guy and two others and spent time in his bedroom playing games often. Then the over friend asks her out and she says no but still spends time with them and finally the other one asks the same and yet she still hangs out with them all. The she adds people on fb who are friends of friends male of course and they want to meet her. One makes comments on her pictures on fb and winks etc and she gives him her number and plans to meet him behind my back. I find out and she says she didn't tell me as she didn't want to upset me. Well ever since all this I have been terrified of seeing posts on fb and scared whenever she makes plans to see friends. She is constantly late to come online to talk and most of the time she never even asks if I'm ok. Well I wanted her to come for christmas and stay a few months so we can really be together and she may then decide to be with me and we can marry and live together. Well she said she can't give up her part time job and she wants to go to school and can't leave her dog and just keeps stating reasons she can't come and not even thinking about it working and being good. She just will never decide and today I got so upset and she just goes shall we just end it and then says nothing and I just bought her birthday presents and she said should I send them back and that she will always love me. How can she? I am devistated and just want to end it all. I almost killed myself last time we broke up and there is no way I can face going through it again. She was my life. I have no friends here all my friends are online and I live alone. I just don't want it any more. I want to be loved and wanted and feel good enough. I guess I'm just a fat no good loser and deserve what I get. I want the pain to just end.

Fri Aug 19 2011 4:49:20 #
Unregistered

Hi

To be honest it sounds like this girl is a bit complicated to say the least, sounds like you are better off without her really. Please don't base your whole future on this one girl. I wouldn't even comtemplate any future marriage if she couldn't even show you respect as her boyfriend. There will be someone that is better for you in the future, trust me, i've been out with some real idiots in the past but now I'm with someone amazing. Life changes so please don't think it will always be how it is now, it won't!

Fri Aug 19 2011 7:31:30 #
Unregistered

Hello, Im sorry you are feeling so low, i agree with Stroudie, but i know when you love someone its hard to walk away. Is there any reason why you cant go and live with her? Maybe just for a trial period to see how it goes? Being somewhere new with a fresh start might also do you the world of good!

Fri Aug 19 2011 10:19:42 #
BT
Member

Daniel, I am so sorry to hear how badly you are feeling. Have you heard anything about your benefit situation? I’m sure the stress over that isn’t helping at the moment.

You spoke in another thread about your years of loneliness. Please don’t take this the wrong way, but it is just possible you are trying too hard to make the relationship work. I was like that and it can push people away. We can be so desperate for things to work out - and work out quickly. Love tends to make anyone rather obsessional, but certainly for me my love became an obsession. I did not realise this at the time. It was excruciatingly painful and I attempted suicide when the relationship deteriorated. There was absolutely no point to life without the person I loved. Even people without OCD feel like this, but most do recover and find someone even better suited to them.

I think you need to speak to your GP. Please don’t suffer this torment alone.

Fri Aug 19 2011 12:33:27 #
BT
Member

P.S. I know you have said you are too ill to travel, but I do think that Angelpie's suggestion is a good one. If you could manage to visit her at some point, perhaps this could be sorted out. It's very difficult for any of us to give advice, but I also reluctantly agree with Stroudie (I only say 'reluctantly', Stroudie, because I wish things were different).

Daniel, you sound a lovely young man, and you deserve happiness. Alas, it may mean waiitng for someone else. You will reject this at the moment, I know. Anyone who is in love would.

Fri Aug 19 2011 12:44:22 #
Ratwomble
Member

Dear ocdlonely,

Relationships are complicated, and by their nature, deeply emotional. It is easy to become fixated on a relationship and apply our OCD "talents" to obsessing about them. But the likelihood is that it is OCD making you feel so low.

Please contact a friend, a doctor, or the Samaritans to chat things over. OCD fades and your feelings of despair will too.

Please talk t someone.

Best wishes

David

Fri Aug 19 2011 22:42:35 #
BT
Member

Daniel, Please let us know how you are if you are able. We are worried about you.

Sat Aug 20 2011 10:35:18 #
OCDLONELY
Member

Spoke to her this morning and she says there is still hope but doesn't want to talk at the moment as we will just get upset and fight. The mixed messages are really scary but I love her and need her and I don't want to be here without her. I am so alone. I am at my parents at the moment though as they don't want me to be alone and I may go stay with my brother soon for a break. All I want is to talk to her and hope it will work out. So lost and so scared.

Sat Aug 20 2011 12:48:07 #
BT
Member

Daniel, I'm glad you are not on your own at the moment.

I've just re-read your first message and you said you met your girlfriend on an OCD site, so I am guessing she is a fellow sufferer. As so many with OCD have indecisiveness symptoms regarding relationships (and many other things besides) I wonder if this is part of the problem?

Sat Aug 20 2011 13:16:17 #
kittyglitter
Member

i think staying with your bro will do u the world of good.. u need some company at the moment .. x

Sat Aug 20 2011 13:39:06 #
Truddles
Member

Hi Daniel,

Sound advice from the others.

It sounds as if you're trying too hard and trying to keep a relationship going that hasn't really had a chance to get started. It takes time to build a true relationship and it needs mutual trust and respect. It would appear to me and I could be wrong that she has no respect for you or she wouldn't be treating you so badly. Try taking a step back and giving each other some space.

We all want to feel loved and wanted and at times don't feel good enough. But we are good enough and we shouldn't sell ourselves short. And if that's you in your avatar no way are you fat.

It seems to me that you need to concentrate more on you (you're the important one here) and getting yourself better. Getting help for your OCD will help you to build your confidence and self esteem. This will make it easier for you to deal with relationships.

Is there not a mental health centre locally where you could go to meet people? Socialising with others helps us all (whether we have OCD or not) to deal with that special relationship when it comes. And you will meet that special someone, someone who will love and respect you, it just takes time.

In the meantime you're not alone you've got all of us and we're all here to support you.

Sat Aug 20 2011 13:51:36 #
blueboy
Member

Dan,
best of luck... its good you have family... i dont and... so when i feel same i am totaly alone..
wish i had family who cared.

Sat Aug 20 2011 16:09:24 #
jen67
Member

Hi Dan. I havent read everything, just kind of scanned through. I echo these words as a carer of OCD, I have said to myself ''I dont want to be here anymore'' as a carer, so my heart goes out to you as a sufferer.
I'm not sure if this will help you at all, hoping it will in some small way.... I carry on because I love my son, he would be totally lost without me.
I'm a massive Michael Jackson fan, he knew what it was to suffer, he was accused of things he didnt do, he was so strong, and his strength encourages me. Hope this helps?

Sun Aug 21 2011 4:29:30 #