OCD Action

PrincessNinja
Member

Hi everyone,

First and foremost I would like to say that this is the first time I have ever posted on an internet forum of any guise. The fact that I now feel so compelled to do so is, in itself, an indication of how distraught I feel as a result of CSP.

Until i came across this site, I was not aware that CSP existed as a recognised condition. Over the last week I have read articles on BDD which list skin picking amongst common symptoms so I am a little confused as to the difference and links between BDD, CSP and OCD. If anyone would like to explain these, I would be very interested to know.

I myself have clear skin (in its natural, unharmed state). However, roughly a year and a half ago I developed mild acne which was very distressing for me. Since then my skin has returned to its previously clear state but despite this, I live in fear of the acne returning and have developed a compulsive need to inspect my face at any opportunity I can for spots or imperfections which I then proceed to pick, squeeze or scratch. Just like Pringles-once you pop you can't stop; I will squeeze incessantly, telling myself that somehow squeezing it just one more time will make it better. It doesn't.

Last weekend I reached breaking point after destroying my face until it was covered in unsightly red cuts (the majority of which I had created from spots that didn't exist!). I decided it was time to acknowledge the fact that I had a problem and visited the doctor on Monday. Even leaving the house was a struggle as I was struck with intense feelings of embarrassment and shame about my appearance. On taking a seat opposite the doctor and hearing the familiar words 'how can I help?', I broke down into tears. I sobbed uncontrollably, attempting to explain my problems in between gasps. The doctor diagnosed me with OCD and I am in the process of scheduling an appointment to see a psychologist for CBT (cognitive behavioural therapy). As I mentioned above, since researching more into my condition, I have now discovered CSP and BDD so I am not sure which I have or if I have a combination.

I believe I have suffered with depression on various occasions throughout my life. I have always successfully fought back from this with no need for treatment. I am a very sensitive, emotional individual and experience high levels of stress and worry-sometimes, I will wake in the early hours of the morning fretting about an event that happened ten or more years ago. I know these thoughts are destructive and unproductive but try as I might, I have episodes where I am consumed with regret over the many minor (or not so minor) mistakes I have made throughout my life. I am only 24 but feel that I have enough regret to span a lifetime of at least double that.

In opening up and discussing my condition on here I am hoping to find some much needed understanding and support. Whilst I do have lovely friends and a sister whom I adore, it appears that CSP is something that most people struggle to comprehend. They underestimate its power to consume you, the zoetrope of obsessive recurrent thoughts whirring round and round in your mind. I have reached breaking point and I now wish to break free from the shackles of this disorder. I would like to offer my unwavering support for all fellow sufferers. Together we will overcome this.

xxx

Tue Mar 9 2010 1:04:25 #
Unregistered

Dear Princess

I am supposed to be offline but I felt I did need to reply. I only have OCD so I cannot comment on the other conditions. But I have always been a bit obsessed about spots and weight, and my first bad OCD episode was down to the fear I would develop an unsightly skin condition from head to foot and lose my looks and be unloveable. I also strictly controlled my weight for about 30 years and was unable to see how thin I was.

I have only had treatment for OCD but this seems to have stabilized the other thoughts. In fact although I have contamination OCD I strongly suspect that the reason for all my obsessions and compulsions was/is fear that I would/will be unloveable and unloved. I am certainly not afraid of disease or being dirty (ie covered with garden dirt).

I have found that rading the book 'CBT for Dummies' has sorted out some of my unresolved issues such as catastrophising and seeing things in black and white. It also has given me some good coping tools for the prevention of relapse. There are other really good books out there(I have about a dozen) but having this sort of general overview means that you can lump together all your condtions and get a better understanding of why you react in certain ways. This works well with CBT as, by the time you see an expert, you are au fait with the concepts and treatment.

Hope this helps a bit.
Very best wishes
Anne

Tue Mar 9 2010 9:10:53 #
Joel
Key Master

Hi princessninja and welcome to the forum. We recently had an online presentation on CSP as part of OCD Week. You can see it on the OCD Week website
It is webinar 5 "Habit Disorders" and might be usefull. There is also a session on BDD - webinar 7click here

Thanks
Joel

Tue Mar 9 2010 9:30:40 #
sanchez
Member

hi princess i have csp but mine is on arms and legs, any imperfections i have to get rid of, csp is a form of bdd and bdd can be a symptom of ocd. It is classed as a form of self harm which is often a symptom of ocd

Fri Apr 23 2010 10:24:11 #