OCD Action

daz78
Member

I have just left the British Army after 12 years and after a very stressful time of moving from down south to back up north am struggling with my OCD once again!!!.
I was diagnosed with OCD late 2005 after the birth of youngest son and was terrified of him catching anything and was washing my hands 60-70 times a day to the point of them cracking and bleeding. Being in the Army it was quite difficult as my job itself was quite a dirty job so I couldn't even go into my house without taking my uniform off at the back door and putting it into the shed for fear of me taking germs into the house!!! I also had the making sure things in the house were facing away from work!!!. After the Army became aware of the situation they were all very supportive as well as all my mates who constantly took the pxxx out of me which was good for me!!! After a year or so of CBT and medication I finally learned how to cope and what to do in the varying of situations with regards to the OCD and seem to turn a corner!!! After a tour in Afgan I came back like a new person and thought I had concurred it but since leaving the Army and all the stress of moving it is now back with a vengeance and in a completely different way I keep talking to God and doing the sign of Jesus over and over again and I'm terrified of doing something different and getting bad luck and worried that my boy's are out of the security of the military environment and they are going to get hurt or that we are going to get burgled when I'm not in the house so I wont be able to protect them!!! I am feeling uptight and agitated all the time when i'm at home and worried that my boy's and wife are picking up on it!!! The only time i'm not is when im out working so my mind is occupied.
Not sure why I'm putting a post on here I suppose I'm just venting but if there is any advice thoughts it would be great to hear them.

Tue Nov 24 2009 17:57:01 #
Truddles
Member

Hi odaz1978,
This is only a short message as I'm really tired, but I wanted to welcome you to the forum.
Don't be hard on yourself as you've been through a lot recently, but hang on in there and use the forum. We're all here to help and support each other.
Will write more when I'm not so tired.
Best wishes
Truddles

Tue Nov 24 2009 22:57:17 #
Unregistered

Hey,
You must have been through so much, I honestly admire you for getting through it.

To be honest it sounds more like Paranoia or Anxiety than OCD but it might be as a result of your OCD I know I used to get like that. If you ever want to talk I am usually online everyday so..............just if you need to vent or want advice. We're all here

Wed Nov 25 2009 9:39:44 #
Unregistered

Dear odaz1978,
A big welcome to this forum.

Such thoughts and anxiety are part of OCD. I have been in the Bethlem and many of my fellow patients there had such thoughts - ie that they may harm people or that people would die if they did not act out their rituals. Indeed it is the fearful thoughts which are hardest to defeat. Mine are that I have gone down a drain and am contaminated. I really know they are untrue but it takes up two days after the thought to accept it. And in the meantime I have to stand on the drain, listen to my thoughts over and over again and contaminate all my clothes (flooding. It is a long process but it does eventually work for me. You are right that it is easier to control ones thoughts if you are gainfully employed or are doing research work as I was doing (for a PhD). My OCD came back the minute I got my PhD. I also agree that taking the illness lightly helps and it sounds like you have some really good friends.
We are here for you. Sharing ones problems is extremely therapeutic and I have to say that every time I write on this forum it gives me the courage to keep fighting my thoughts.
Very best wishes
Glad

Wed Nov 25 2009 11:12:14 #
Unregistered

Hello Odaz,
I am fairly new to the forum but another big welcome from me, we are all in the same boat so understand what you are going through. Your experience has struck a chord with me because my OCD also struck following the birth of my son and followed an almost identical course to yours. 40 years on I still have to remove all my clothes, bath and change into clean ones each time I come into the house which makes everyday living hard work. It seems as though we share a similar form of OCD. When I am out of the house I am almost free of the contamination issues and it sounds as though this may be similar for you too. You must have faced some terrible things in Afgan but I believe OCD is an even harder challenge to have to live with. In no way does my view lessen my regard for what our troops are doing for us and my sadness every time I see yet another coffin arriving from Afgan. I believe OCD is even harder because only another sufferer understands the depth of the anxiety and the strength of it's grip and the public at large do not understand and their opinions can often be very hurtful and unsupportive. I am very sorry to hear that your OCD seems to have latched on to another issue but this is the nature of the beast, if you fight and overcome one symptom it seems to mutate and come back with a different obsession to haunt you.
You obviously had success with meds and CBT in the past so I think this approach would be well worth considering. Like me, your OCD gives you an escape route in that if you are fully occupied outside your home you can function without excessive anxiety. In order to manage your OCD you may have to take up an occupation which will fully absorb your mind and your time and then very gradually ease off, if you want to. It also helps to share the problem openly with your partner and hopefully you will be able to work through it together as a family. I hope this helps, good luck, Joyce

Wed Nov 25 2009 11:37:46 #
Unregistered

Dear Odaz,

I agree with Glad and Joyce. My symptoms are the same as yours. I still have the contamination obsession, and, like Joyce, have to remove my clothes when I enter the house, shower and put on clean clothes. But, I am also in the grip of a fear of burglars and harm coming to my family. There is no let-up at the moment. I have never been remotely superstitious, but I find myself touching wood repeatedly and praying to keep my family safe.

I would do as Joyce says and get help quickly. You may respond as well as you did before. Certainly the more ingrained a symptom becomes, the harder it often is to shift.

I was also interested in Joyce’s comments about OCD and army service. So often I have been regarded as weak and pathetic, but certain things which others would consider quite brave I can face more easily. As has already been said, people do not understand what a living hell this illness is.

Tricia x

Wed Nov 25 2009 13:19:11 #
Parvez Choudhry
Member

Hi odaz1978

Welcome to the forum! You are undoubtedly a tough & courageous bloke to have been in the Army for 12 years and to have done a tour of duty in Afghanistan. I think the MOD has treated you heroes shamefully.

Anyway, you wrote:

After a year or so of CBT and medication I finally learned how to cope and what to do in the varying of situations with regards to the OCD and seem to turn a corner.
The principles of how to deal with your anxiety are really no different to what they were before. Can you apply what you learned in your previous CBT sessions to your current anxieties? The hardest part isn't knowing what to do but drumming up the courage to put it into practice. But since you managed to conquer it before, there's every reason to be confident you can do it again. And you could ask your GP to put you back on the same medication as before.

Please update us on how you get on. It's helpful to share your ups & downs with people in the same boat. We all need to keep our morale up in order to stay focused and motivated.

Best wishes .... Parvez

Thu Nov 26 2009 12:22:20 #
Cuthbert ffoliott
Moderator

Hi odaz1978 -

first: I am new to the forum and this is my first post. I admire your honesty and courage. Since I have been suffering from the checking and hoarding symptom dimensions of OCD, I cannot fully feel what you were and are going through. But posts like yours make it explicit that OCD is as tough as it is.

It is good to be in the company of people who know the disorder from experience. I have heard things like 'lack of willpower', 'weakness', 'being subservient' so many times that I don't even have the urge anymore to explain fully to every 'lay(wo)man' what OCD is about, and how it can destroy your life. Too time-consuming and tiring. Better to invest energy in this topic in another way.

We need to convince clinicians even more to 'popularize' OCD, and before you begin to laugh: to use their particular role as authority figures to tell the general public about it.

I myself try to use my University Degree now to find more information and write about the disorder. Also: I work as a volunteer in courses for students, and last year something special occurred: a young student, a girl, sought my attention after a lecture I gave on OCD. She wanted to speak confidentially. Then she told me that her sister suffered from OCD, and that she kept it all secret. I told her that it would be best for her sis to be open about it, which she eventually did. Also, my student decided on the spot to write an essay on OCD (she was a biochemist). The essay was brilliant (A+), and the student had found her vocation at University too.

This is not to blow my own horn. It is to explain that in my own trouble I could find a drive to inform people about the problem.

Cheers to all, it's a great site!

Thu Nov 26 2009 12:39:20 #
daz78
Member

Thanks to all,

Just wanted to send a reply to everyone who has sent one to my post and say a big thankyou!!! to you all!!! To know there is people willing to take there time to read what i have wrote and understand what i'm going through on a daily basis means alot. As i read each one gave me that little bit more courage and determination to work hard and beat OCD once again!!!
Many thanks odaz1978

P.s keep the posts coming they are helping!!!!!!!

Thu Nov 26 2009 18:38:56 #
Truddles
Member

Hi Cuthbert ffoliott,
Welcome to the forum.

I agree that we need to get clinicians to 'popularise' OCD, but more importantly we need to get clinicians, especially those that are supposed to be helping people with OCD, to have a greater understanding of what we as individuals are going through. They are all too quick to lump us all together as one condition. OCD is unique to each sufferer. Many don't understand the condition and do more harm than good by further lowering the patient's self esteem and confidence. Attitudes of staff need to change. Comments such as 'Pull yourself together', 'For goodness sake it's not serious it's only OCD' don't help; they just exacerbate what is already a difficult condition to live with.

OCD might not be classed as a major psychiatric condition, but the impact that it can have your life can in many ways be worse than that of a major psychiatric illness. Mainly because the vast majority of people with OCD are fully aware of what they are doing, hence the extreme distress that it causes. There'd be no problem if we were oblivious to what we do as a result of our OCD, we'd carry on with our obsessions and compulsions without a care in the world.

OCD is like a living entity that wants to ensure it's own survival, it feeds off our obsessions and compulsions. It's cruel and makes sure that we are fully aware of what we're doing so perpetuating the problem. It uses every trick in the book to ensure it's survival regardless of the fact that it is sucking the life out of the host.

Sorry to go on, but clinicians and other health professionals that understand OCD are few and far between. The only people that understand us are other OCD sufferers.

Sorry to rant, but I'm going through a really tough patch and it's ranting that's keeping me going at the moment as I'm not getting any constructive help from the so called professionals.

Apologies if any mistakes in this post but really tired through lack of sleep and as a result epilepsy playing up.

Look forward to hearing from you again.

Truddles

Thu Nov 26 2009 19:17:56 #
Truddles
Member

Hi odaz1978,
I'm pleased to hear from you. It's been two days since your first post and I was worried, I thought that you weren't going to use the forum again.
Pleased that you're finding the forum of help.
I've only been on the forum for a couple of weeks and already I've made some really good friends - people that understand what you're going through and don't judge you. I know that I can tell the people on the forum anything without fear of being judged or humiliated. I no longer feel so isolated.
Keep logging onto the site.
Best wishes
Truddles

Thu Nov 26 2009 19:26:20 #
Cuthbert ffoliott
Moderator

Hi Truddles -

cheers for a great and inspiring post! Especially because you address a couple of issues that are keeping me very busy at the moment. I do not know if it is common practice here, but I started a blog about our problems:

http://www.obsessions-and-compulsions.blogspot.com

...the purpose of which is to explain topics that are currently under investigation in the neurosciences. I am blessed to have access to the state-of-the-art research results in biology and psychology and to understand these at the same time. The blog is still very young, I hope it will develop well. Anyone can drop by and write in in perfect anonimity.

Note: it is not my aim to 'compete' with this site. I want to add to what is already there.

Hope all this does not sound too egotistical. If I thought I could not contribute anything of worth, I would not have started it.

For now: try to stay cool, and if things go wrong despite this attitude... there are people who understand you and see through all misunderstandings prevalent in society about these issues.

Hope this helps,

Cuthbert.

Fri Nov 27 2009 8:54:15 #