OCD Action

sugar
Member

I have this huge problem now for nearly 13 years, when talking to anyone i cant keep eye contact and end up looking down which if a woman is at their chest, and if a man is at their groin, its like i cant stop myself, if outside all i do is stare at people, i'm scared to talk to anyone because i will offend them and will worry what they will think of me i.e that i am a pervent or gay or weird. I avoid going out or speaking to anyone unless absolutely necessary. I have done some searching of this problem on the internet and have found that it is linked to OCD maybe. Would appreciate if someone can give me advice on getting help .

Wed Dec 7 2011 11:05:50 #
Tess
Member

Hi sugar
Not sure if this is linked to OCD or not but I am guilty of this particular pleasure too and I just thought it was all part of being human, lets face it what do animals do when thy greet each other? They're not tied by social conventions, they just get straight down to the nitty gritty of being a living sexual being. Many years ago I saw something on TV about it and got the impression that everyone does it though it's not something everyone would readily admit to! I don't know whether you have OCD or not but I think some counselling might well help as it is worrying you to the point of affecting your ability to function socially. It will be interesting to hear what others think.

Wed Dec 7 2011 11:33:48 #
Unregistered

Hi Sugar,

yes, this could well be an OCD obsession. It is very common for OCD sufferers to become obsessed with looking at certain types of people (e.g. men; women; children; old people; family members) and then ruminating over and over about whether or not they are attracted to those types of people; and whether or not they are aroused or excited.

These are very common obsessions. If you find that you are thinking and worrying about looking at people's groins / chests / other parts, and you spend a lot of time doing things like avoiding certain situations, certain types of people, and going over and over in your mind that you might have done something wrong, or they're might be something wrong with you, then you may well be suffering from an anxiety disorder.

Avoiding certain people or situations can sometimes indicate Social Anxiety. Carrying out mental compulsions (e.g. ruminating and checking), and avoiding people that cause you distress, can sometimes indicate OCD.

In order to find out whether or not you are suffering from OCD or any other type of anxiety disorder, you can go to your GP in the first instance. Explain the things that are distressing you, and tell them how much the distress and avoidance behaviours are affecting your life. You can ask the GP to refer you to a mental health professional for an assessment.

You can also read the excellent information packs on the OCD Action Website. Click on "Resources" on the top right-hand corner of the homepage, then scroll down and look at the list of info packs. (Packs such as "What is OCD?" and others might be helpful to you.)

You could also read a book about anxiety disorders. A really good book is "Teach Yourself Cognitive Behavioural Therapy", by Christine Wilding and Aileen Milne. (RRP £10.99) This books explains all of the common anxiety disorders, including Social Anxiety and OCD, as well as others.

You are not necessarily suffering from OCD or any other anxiety disorder. But the symptoms you describe are very common OCD obsessions and compulsions, experienced by lots of OCD sufferers.

(It's not the looking that's the OCD part. It's the ruminating, the doubting, the mental checking, and the avoidance, which indicate possible OCD.)

Look around this website, and go to see your GP if you are feeling worried or distressed.

Take care.

Wed Dec 7 2011 17:47:16 #
Unregistered

Hi Sugar,

if you are worried about looking at either men or women and it makes you spend a lot of time worrying and questioning your sexual orientation (this is a very very common OCD obsession), then the following link might help. It's an article by Fred Penzel, PhD, called: "How do I know I'm not really gay?"

http://www.ocfoundation.org/EO_HO.aspx

Wed Dec 7 2011 17:51:53 #
Tess
Member

I guess it's about whether you glance at the appropriate bits which I still think is basic human behaviour all to do with sussing out a suitable mate and sizing up the competiton or whether you can't stop yourself looking which then goes into the realms of OCD.

Wed Dec 7 2011 18:12:29 #
Jerama
Member

Years ago I worked in a research establishment and we were developing a device to make driving safer. The part I worked on was a device to record exactly where drivers were looking when they were driving and it was very accurate. Basically it was able to detect from nerve impulses and muscle movements exactly where the drivers eyes were looking. On the open road it showed that the eyes weren't always on the road. But in town the results were remarkable. It showed especially with younger people that for a very large percentage of the time they were looking at pedestrians and in particular at the sexual bits. Womens breasts, bums and groins were the most popular bits for men to look at and for women it was mens bums, groins and faces - and in that order of preference. Women looked at mens bits for longer and were also more distracted by shop windows and, perhaps not surprisingly by a mal adjusted rear view mirror adjusted to see their own face.

Make what you want of the driving experiment, but looking at the "sexual" parts of peoples bodies is perfectly normal (whatever normal is) and is everyday human behaviour which probably leads to the continuation of the human race. Long may it continue.

Jerama

Wed Dec 7 2011 20:45:13 #
Tess
Member

Hear hear Jerama - and it's not just the young that do it, just watch the pension queues!

Thu Dec 8 2011 10:10:26 #
BT
Member

I agree with Londoner that this could be OCD. I certainly have never looked at those areas of people's bodies and I've asked a couple of my friends (read this yesterday and was unsure whether I am a freak, so sought confirmation!). But, my friends are the same as me. I'm sure plenty of people would agree with you, Tess, but if it's causing distress for Sugar and he feels compulsively drawn to such areas, then it sounds like a form of OCD.

Thu Dec 8 2011 11:40:06 #
Tess
Member

Hi BT
I respect your views and OCD Londoner's and yes, it might be OCD. I've asked my husband whether he indulges in the boob and groin eye candy but he vehemently denies it - I'm unconvinced because he is constantly laughing at the hand movements of Carol the well endowed BBC weatherlady on TV. His reply, well if I do I'm not aware of it.

Thu Dec 8 2011 12:24:56 #
Truddles
Member

Make what you want of the driving experiment, but looking at the "sexual" parts of peoples bodies is perfectly normal (whatever normal is) and is everyday human behaviour which probably leads to the continuation of the human race. Long may it continue.

I agree, we all do it, though not everyone is aware that they do it and some just won't admit it. I'm no youngster but I still appreciate what nature has to offer.

Thu Dec 8 2011 14:38:00 #
BT
Member

Sorry, Trudy, I don't! It's wrong to say we all do it. Maybe most do, but certainly not all. Tess, my husband says the same as yours, won't go into detail here, but I am inclined to believe him!

Thu Dec 8 2011 15:43:38 #
sugar
Member

Thanks everyone who replied to my post, and the different views on my problem. I wonder if you have read the article by Fred Penzel Here’s Looking at You Kid; People Who Notice Things Too Much. It summed up most of my problem and made me so emotional that there was someone else in the world with the same problem. And that it was a type of OCD.
Thanks Londoner for everything you wrote it really helped. I know i have also developed social anxiety because of my starring problem. When i'm out i think people are looking at me, i find it hard to stand in queues if people are behind me its like i have to look at them but try to stop myself but give in and do it, i see that they aren't looking at me relax for a second then start feeling uneasy again. I have forgotten how to talk to people because i avoid them so much, my conversations occur in my mind with myself when i'm on my own. I have to get better for my kids and husband sake. My depression and anxiety is affecting my life with them aswell.
I know lots of people have written that my starring problem is human nature, and trust me i know this fact, but my problem is that to the other person it becomes obvious and this is what causes me distress. Instead of looking at someones eyes while talking to them, i tend to look in their eyes then automatically glance down at chest or groin and i cant stop myself. I just wish i could just look at the face and not notice their bodies at all.

Fri Dec 9 2011 11:25:54 #
BT
Member

Sugar, Fred Penzel's articles are all excellent. The one you mentioned is number 28 in this link:

http://www.wsps.info/index.php?option=com_content&view=category&id=36:ocd-and-related-subjects-by-frederick-penzel-phd&Itemid=64&layout=default

Realising others have the same OCD problem will help you. I actually think your symptom is quite common.

Fri Dec 9 2011 13:38:44 #
Unregistered

Hi Sugar,

I'll tell you what my therapist told me.

I had the same obsession as you. I couldn't stop staring at people's bodies. (Young, old, male, female...hell, even cats and dogs...and especially horses!)

I would ruminate on it for ages. What did it mean? Why was I looking, if I wasn't interested? The more I tried NOT to look, the more I DID look -- right at the parts I was trying to ignore.

My compulsions included: ruminating; avoidance of certain people; avoidance of certain situations; more ruminating; doubting; checking; checking my body for any signs of arousal or excitement; more doubting; and more ruminating!!!

When I finally plucked up the courage to discuss this with my therapist, we talked about it at great length. He told me that he and all of his colleagues had discussed this problem themselves, and had discovered that all of them (the staff, not the patients!) found themselves staring at colleagues' bodies regularly. He said that he and a colleague discussed it, and agreed that they would both try to STOP avoiding looking at body parts. They would let themselves carry on looking, if they noticed they already were. The result...?

He said after a week, he and his colleague both agreed that they were noticing body parts less often. Classic case of compulsions keeping the obsessions in place!

Finally I realized that, like most intrusive thoughts, this one is experienced by most people. But as soon as you stop avoiding, checking, doubting, ruminating, and arguing with yourself...you start having the intrusive thoughts less often, and they start to distress you much less...until you don't get distressed any more.

Now I don't worry if I find myself looking at someone's body parts. I understand it's not important or meaningful, just like all my other thoughts.

My therapist really helped me on this one, with his honesty!

Take care.

Fri Dec 9 2011 16:28:26 #