OCD Action

Unregistered

I feel as though people on this forum don't, and never did to begin with, understand my OCD. Even when I used to make posts about it you still didn't understand how severe it is. I live an extremely difficult life and I am fed up of you people thinking that I don't. I look on my problems a lot more positively than everyone else on here. I have been the lowest of the low and I've recovered. I haven't FULLY recovered, but I've recovered in most aspects. For that I am glad. For that I am proud of myself and everything I've achieved over the past two years. And if you don't like that I'm not having as difficult a time as you then guess what? I am.

Do you think it was easy for me? I tell you it wasn't. Everytime I get better someone and/or something comes to knock me back again. Everytime I get a little confidence, somebody snatches it away again. I want to fully recover from my OCD and I know it can be done because I have SEEN it. But if any of you think it's easy for me, then I have a news flash for you. It's not. It is not easy for me, it is downright bloody difficult.

*end rant*

Fri Dec 3 2010 15:22:25 #
Unregistered

Dear Diane, I only have a few moments, but just wanted to say that I don’t think you’ve had an easy time of it. All I have been saying is that we can never judge another by our own responses etc. From what you have written, I believe you’ve had it terribly tough. I also believe you are incredibly strong. My only point is that others can be as strong even when therapy etc doesn’t work. That does not detract from your extreme efforts and courage. Sorry this is rushed, couldn’t reply properly but didn’t want to ignore your message either.

Maybe a full recovery is possible for some. However, I have friends who have given it their all and are still suffering. We are all different.

Love, Tricia x

Fri Dec 3 2010 16:20:18 #
Unregistered

Hi Diane

I promised your mum that I would look out for you on the forum, so here I am.

We have been friends for many months now and I know how very severe your OCD is and how hard you have been fighting to get and maintain control. I also know that you have had to cope with extreme circumstances and other medical conditions. So, you deserve a pat on the back for doing so well. And there is no reason why you should not maintain your control. Knowing and believing this is of extreme importance.

I am in the same position as you. My OCD is also severe. And, like you, I always believed that I would get control, and finally did. Like you I also have to fight it every single day – the fear and doubts never go and I have been paying for private therapy for almost two years.

What I have learned from my survey is that people can and do get control of their OCD regardless of how severe or complicated it is and regardless of their age and how long they have had OCD. It sometimes takes many rounds of treatment (I had six and got less than 10% control in the first 5). I also know that you can retain this control with the right tools (including meds or homeopathic drugs) and the right support.

Having said this, the survey also shows that many OCDers do not get control and this is really heartbreaking for them. It is not down to lack of trying – or lack of strength of mind. It is just that we are all different and react differently to therapy, meds and self help. Lack of support and constant pressure also make our OCD worse.

However, I would like to end by saying that I do think it is ok for we who have got control to say so. Perhaps we need to start our own posts for this purpose. I think it is extremely useful to share our coping tools and our experiences of meds which have worked for us. This is an important part of any forum. In fact that is why I came on the forum in the first place – namely to look for coping tools. And in fact it was a message from this forum that helped me to get back my control… ‘If everything is contaminated nothing is contaminated.’ It will not work for many but for me it was the answer I had been looking for.

I do hope that you are feeling better now.
Love
Anne
Ps why not share some of your coping tools… many who write to me are desperate to find some which will work for them.

Fri Dec 3 2010 16:29:13 #
aishah
Member

Hi Dianne,

I'm sorry you feel this way, for me personally, I don't think you have an easy time of it, I don't think any of us do.

I admire you for being positive about everything, it does help. I try to be positive, but there have been times when my depression has been so bad and the intrusive thoughts too, that I find it almost impossible to be positive.

I have never fully recovered from my OCD and have had several severe episodes, lasting months at a time, in the last couple of years, but having said that I do try to be as positive as I can in between times.

I do think you are doing very well and I don't think that people on the forum would begrudge you that, in fact I think it will be very encouraging to hear how well you are fighting it and achieving things, and that in itself, will help others.

I hope you continue to make progress and wish you well, and also I think you have become a very valuable member of the forum.

Take Care
Bridget

Fri Dec 3 2010 16:29:40 #
swan
Member

Hi,
I don't for one minute under estimate what you have and are going through. Agree with what has been said some people do manage to get control whilst others no matter how hard they try don't. I am waiting for last lot of treatment and have been told that if this doesn't work then nothing will. So Im not sure what camp Im in yet but do know thta everyone who has ocd works really hard at not having it.
Take care
Teresa

Fri Dec 3 2010 16:59:35 #
Unregistered

Thanks for the replies everyone. Anne, yours really helped and I think that 'If everything is contaminated nothing is contaminated.' is brilliant.

I'm sorry, I just don't think I can be positive anymore. There's no point. Whenever I'm happy someone and/or something comes to make me feel miserable, depresed, angry and frightened. Usually it's OCD and whoever's ******** on me at the time. Last time my OCD relapsed it was someone on this forum, the time before that it was a group of cyber bullies and a snoring home teacher. I've had OCD my entire life. It was only two years ago when I knew what it was. I used to think OCD was just being worried about things and I laughed about it, because I didn't know what it really was. No I do know what it is and part of me wants to just lie down and die.

I've had a bad day today. I had a bad day yesterday too. I can't deal with it. I just want to be happy. I want to enjoy Christmas with MKK and Eliza but how can I? I've just had an OCD disaster resulting in me having to get in the shower. Now I'm freezing. The other week I cut off my hair. It's so thin now and it used to be so nice. Now it's not. It's not up to Liddy standard anymore because I hacked so much off these past few years. My toe has just touched my laptop wire and I want to yank the wire out of my laptop and throw it onto the floor but what's the point. I think, Just **** it. **** it because I don't care anymore I'm too upset to care.

I actually started to think that I could take anything, run me over and I'll just stand back up but I guess.... I don't know now. I just don't know.

Fri Dec 3 2010 19:54:21 #
Unregistered

Dear Jess

I do know how you feel. I am extremely sensitive like you. This is partly why I am so very fond of you.

I have to say that the main reason for all my down days is unkindness from others. I spend at least one third of my therapy sessions talking about this.

I always try to be careful what I say to OCDers because I know how easily words can be, and are, misinterpreted by some of us more sensitive sufferers. We must never be harsh to other OCDers as we have no idea whatsoever how much they are suffering.

I feel sure that the words were not meant to hurt you. I do urge you to try to shrug them off.

I will send some coping tips and do everything I can to help you regain your control.

Much love
Anne
PS Please don't cut your beautiful hair again.

Fri Dec 3 2010 20:26:53 #
Unregistered

Dear Diane

Once you know the way home you will be able to find it again. Believe me.

When I joined this forum just over a year ago, I had lost all my control and wanted to give up completely. I spent a day in bed for the first time in 14 years. The shock was tremendous as I had thought I was invulnerable.

But a year on and I am far stronger than I was after I left The Bethlem as during these last few months I have virtually given up avoidance. So, as my GP told me, there was a silver lining to my dark cloud. This time round I am going to write my own Coping sheet so I remember what helps and what does not.

Just use all those coping mechanisms you have used so successfully over the last few weeks and write them down so they will always help.

Much love
Anne

Fri Dec 3 2010 20:43:18 #
Unregistered

I'm leaving. He's done it again. I hate him.

Fri Dec 3 2010 21:15:37 #
Unregistered

Hi Diane

I am having a long and very overdue break too. I will be back in the New Year.

Much love
Anne

Fri Dec 3 2010 21:32:52 #
Ella
Member

Hi,
My OCD is severe too, and people are nasty about it to me too. Especially at school or being out places. I know how hard it can be and you just feel like you should just ******* kill them all and be done with it, but you are just too upset to care. I had a really bad OCD time a few weeks ago, and felt like giving up, but don't whatever you do, give up, because it gets worse if you do.I know its easier to say than do, but just believe in yourself and never ive up hope!

good luck!
Ella

Fri Dec 3 2010 22:37:09 #
Unregistered

Dear Anne, I have to get on, but just wanted to say this. Of course it’s fine for everyone who has control to speak about their success. This also gives hope and encouragement to others. The issue some of us have, however, is the attitude ‘I did it, because I am strong, so therefore you can, too, if you just try harder.’

My getting on now is to face the grocery shopping. I could give in to my OCD and stay indoors in the warm, but I won’t. However, the fear is as great now as when it began. Some people cannot accept this and believe I am not trying hard enough. I find this hurtful and also insulting to be honest.

Some on forums feel I am anti-therapy and anti anyone getting better. Nothing could be further from the truth. I love to hear success stories. I am only anti the one-size-fits-all judgemental approach.

Sat Dec 4 2010 13:53:35 #
Jerama
Member

Some people cannot accept this and believe I am not trying hard enough. I find this hurtful and also insulting to be honest.

I agree with you and find this "oh you just need to pull your socks up" atitutude so ignorant and annoying. I just wish I could make them change places with you or I for just one day.

Jerama

Sat Dec 4 2010 20:38:53 #
swan
Member

I agree with tricia its hard when people who don't knowabout ocd think we should pull our socks up but even harder when it appears to comes from someone who does.
also Anne accept what you say about not hurting each other but we are all human and as you say sensitive i would describe myself as hyper senitive so sometimes somone can make a comment and not mean to hurt anyone, but we it is likely that we will all hurt each other at sometime that being the very nature of ocd. Sometimes a thread can set someone's ocd off thats a risk we all take when we come onto the forum
Take care everyone
Lets hope we all have some relief this week with our ocd however large or small,
My intention has not been to offend and this is the one place where I do not want to start worrying about what I say or aplogising ect. this is a safe forum and not one where we should start worrying about whats been said.

Sun Dec 5 2010 18:55:09 #
Ella
Member

i know, my dad thinks i just need an attitude adjustment....i could teach him one or two things about 'attitude adjustments'

Mon Dec 6 2010 21:53:11 #