OCD Action

jae millz
Member

hey whats doing im 17 i live in melbourne australia ive had really really bad sensorimotor ocd for more than five years now and its ruined my life. i used to be an A+ student, a national level sprinter and one of the popular kids at school, but the smocd forced me to quit as i just couldnt train anymore, and i now barely pass in school. i love sport so much but i cant play, i cant do anything i dont leave the house much apart from school. ima very out-going sociable person and ive been told im the funniest person alive by people, but the smocd makes me unable to socialise with anyone, i just cant be myself i cant talk or do anything. i just wanna be able to do whatever i want, whenever i want, to the best of my ability without having the smocd affecting me. i now have no true close friends, i feel so alone like no one understands the hell i am going through 24/7.

to describe what my problem is: breathing, as in im always thinking about it and cant stop paying attention to it and doing it, always trying to take a bigger and more complete breath thats feels right otherwise i feel really really uncomfortable; blinking, as in i cant stop thinking about it and i cant stop blinking constantly, like literally every 1 2 seconds; sometimes swallowing; fingers feel uncomfortable so i have to keep cracking them; armpits feel uncomfortable in a shirt; various parts of bosy feel uncomfortable and i need to scratch several times, usually both sides of body, like if one arm then other arm same part too; cant stop sniffling and thinking about it, same with clearing my throat, and lastly this is really hard to explain but i cant stop like tensing without meaning to? like i cant stop putting pressure if you know what i mean? this and the blinking and breathing are the worst, they are there every second of every day its a nightmare.

im in year 12 so i need to study but i cant concentrate and i have no energy, i really need help im so desperate i pray every night, its all ill ever want, my only wish, just for it to go away. i just wanna start and live my life with the smocd gone forever, please help me! im seeing a psychologist but we just talk, we havent done anything to help me really, i want to try erp and cbt and anything that will help! and im on lovan but it doesnt really help that much, i have some good days occasionally, but usually its bad. at school every recess and lunch and even during class i got to the toilets to try to make myself feel right but it doesnt work and the rest of my day is bad, i just keep my head down and go into my shell as it gets so bad i cant socialise with anyone. the longest ive ever gone without the smocd has been five hours about a month ago, but i have been unable to repeat that as yet. im trying really hard to find ways to beat it because im fed up i just wanna live.

i felt really alone when i first googled ocd because it was the closest sounding thing to what i had, but it wasnt the same, i didnt do or feel any of the things that were in the common symptoms. recently i delved deeper to be more specific about my ocd but ive only found the ocd chicago article which is amazing, and everything dr. steven seay has written. it feels really good to know im not alone and that others are going through the same ... and understand what im feeling. to anyone else going through this ... hit me up ! sorry for the huge post my bad, this is just some straight from the heart emotional .... i just really wanna be able to do whatever i want, whenever i want, to the best of my ability without the smocd affecting me. so is there anyone else here that has the same problem?

Sun 18 Mar 2012 11:56 #
wannabefree
Member

Hi Jae, welcome to the forums... It is pretty quiet on the forums at the moment, so hopefully soon someone can relate to your OCD. It affects people in such a lot of different ways, but welcome anyway...
Wannabe

Mon 19 Mar 2012 23:32 #
Tess
Member

Hi jae
Welcome to the forum. My son had a similar problem which was triggered by a dentist. He had been hit in the mouth while passing some drunken yobs some years earlier and one of his front teeth had died and discoloured and his fiance suggested he get it whitened before their wedding. He had assumed it would just be a cosmetic bleaching but without explaining what she was doing the dentisit drilled it to a stump and fitted a temporary crown and did some mercury fillings. This triggered severe OCD and he became so afaid that the mercury fillings would poison him that he became hypersensitive to his breathing and became afraid to breathe naturally.
I know it caused him terrible distress so I empathise with what you are going through.
I think you have to hang on to the thought that you will come through this, it will be a slow process but you are on the right path by taking meds and seeing a psychiatrist. I know it is frustrating if you feel you are not progressing but you will be the last person to notice your own progress. There are many different treatments and it may take time before you find the one which suits you best. You have already discovered that rushing off to the toilets to try to make yourself feel right isn't working, doing this will give temporary relief but it will actually reinforce the OCD so you need to resist the need to do this - and each time you succeed you will be one tiny step closer to mastering the OCD.

Tue 20 Mar 2012 11:47 #
wannabefree
Member

Hi Tess, I can relate to the teeth thing, as I've had crowns fitted myself. It is a long laborious process, and quite distressing for someone without OCD, never mind with... It would have been awful to go through, and all that on top of planning a wedding, a very stressful time.
Hope things are better today, Jae?
Wannabe

Wed 21 Mar 2012 23:06 #
Wombat140
Member

Hello Jae,
Small world the Internet, isn't it - I've already replied to your posting on the "Latitudes" forum, so I won't start again, except to say that that sounds only too familiar to me!

Fri 23 Mar 2012 22:09 #
jae millz
Member

Thanks for the response Wannabe, appreciate it Yeah things are slowly getting better, I'm slowly beating it

Thanks a lot Tess, and yes I've learned the more I try to focus on it and fix it and make it feel 'right', the worse it is. I just need to wake up in the morning and for the whole day never need to close my eyes because my blinking feels weird, crack my hands because my fingers feel weird or take a 'perfect' breathe because my breathing is weird. I'm trying and I will get there soon, I'm really beginning to feel better and more relaxed about it.

LOL yeah word Wombat! I just wrote my story on every OCD forum I could find, I was so desperate for help.

Mon 26 Mar 2012 11:39 #
Tess
Member

Hi Jae
Great to hear back from you - and especially that you are feeling more optimisic about beating it. I think you've hit the nail on the head, the more relaxed you feel the less it will bother you. Good stuff.

Mon 26 Mar 2012 11:49 #
wannabefree
Member

Hi everyone, are you feeling any better today Jae? Hope so, it isn't easy is it? But we plod on as best we can...
Wannabe

Wed 28 Mar 2012 18:21 #
Tim
Member

Hey Jae.
I have this OCD and it ruined my life as well for about three years but I got therapy to understand my mind and it helped a lot to the point where my obsessions dont take over my life at all, they are still there in part but they do not really matter. Your not alone on this at all, here are some websites that I found:
http://www.steveseay.com/category/conditions/ocd/body-focusedsensorimotor-symptoms/
http://www.ocdchicago.org/index.php/experts-perspectives/article/when_automatic_bodily_processes_become_conscious_how_to_disengage_from/

I would strongly recommend seeing a psychologist.
A big turning point for me was fully realising that worrying and thinking about it all the time only lead to more thinking and anxiety, the obsessions may be bad but continually worrying will only strengthen the cycle.
Hope this helps.

Tue 24 Apr 2012 0:47 #
Wombat140
Member

Personally my trouble is that I'm not thinking about it - I just do it before I have time to stop myself. By paying really close attention I can keep it down for a bit, but in the end it just makes it even more reactive to everything and nothing. Is there anything can be done about that? probably not

Thu 3 May 2012 16:41 #