OCD Action

swan
Member

Hi,
Have spelt this wrong, but does anyone elses have this its where religion or your faith faith choice becomes really difficult.
Ivew always struggled with this and its getting me down big time.

Mon Oct 11 2010 7:28:16 #
Tess
Member

Hi Swan
I absolutely ADORE your spelling, much more appropriate than the correct one, especially the Pisty bit.
As a small child my bedtime prayer routine (all self-imposed and done in secret)was very lengthy and I constantly felt the need to add even more prayers to be good enough - although as an adult looking back I was trying to satisfy an inner need to be perfect rather than to please God.
I think about religion and faith a lot and never manage to stop struggling with all the unanswerable questions and as the years go by it doesn't get any easier. Something deep within me tells me that all life is sacred. But as for all the different religions, this does my head in because even within Christianity there are diametrically opposed denominations. I have come to realise that good and evil is throughout mankind irrespective of religion, faith, culture, creed. Also that some questions will always be impossible to answer such as where does the universe end and if it does end what lies beyond. OCD loves these unanswerable questions because the brain can just go on and on thinking in ever-increasing circles and never actually reaching a conclusion.

Mon Oct 11 2010 10:05:11 #
swan
Member

Thanks for reply Im a committed Christian and it is really hard to keep going sometimes, especially when I do go to church and strugglke the whole time with my own emotions.

Mon Oct 11 2010 12:31:51 #
Unregistered

Dear Teresa, I didn’t want it to appear I am ignoring you, I don’t believe I replied to something you said to me the other day. I am not doing well and am letting many people down at the moment.

I have suffered this, I’ll write more to you when I have a chance. I will just say that my vicar helped me, and I think any good priest/minister is the best person to help with this symptom. They were treating people with OCD long before psychiatrists existed!

I once obsessed about reincarnation and would keep asking my vicar to repeat that he doesn‘t believe in it. For some reason, at the time, it really fuelled my OCD. I also had to be baptised, so that I'd go to the same place my husband goes to. My vicar only agreed to baptise me if I then went to confirmation classes and became confirmed. My OCD told me this would mean I would still go to a separate place from my husband (he hasn't been confirmed). I avoided the confirmation for that reason, but then felt I had cheated the vicar and ultimately God, so will still be punished and sent somewhere else!

The only punishment of course is our OCD!

Love, Tricia.

Mon Oct 11 2010 13:25:37 #
Unregistered

P.S. Given the situation between my husband and myself, there may be a few of you who would think the separation in the next life would be a blessing!!
Perhaps I am just a glutton for punishment?! Yesterday, he told me (quite calmly) that I am a waste of space…

Mon Oct 11 2010 13:29:01 #
rich2
Member

This thread is really interesting for me to read because a lot of my intrusive/obsessive thinking is around or has a basis in spirituality, specifically my mother's spiritual beliefs which she passed onto me when I was a child and which were not helpful to me in anyway. She thought she was helping but, blimey, the woman messed my head up, especially since she was very homophobic and I was slowly coming to terms with being gay. Needless to say, i spent a fair bit of time in my teens obsessively worrying I was going to be punished in some way (I kept devising new ways) and go to hell.

Recently a lot of this stuff has come back. I thought I'd dealt with it but actually I now realise I just repressed it. It's almost like I'm re-experiencing the pain from my teenage years again. It's heartening to me to read that others have had similar obsessive thoughts.

Mon Oct 11 2010 16:03:18 #
swan
Member

Trcia i aware you are having a bad day so never feel you have to reply. Take care.
Everyone else thanyou for your replys n=mine just means that church life is very difficult.

Mon Oct 11 2010 19:14:18 #
Tess
Member

Hi Swan
I know exactly where you're coming from. I have tried Anglican, Methodist, Evangelical, Baptist, Salvation Army and Jehovah's Witnesses and nowhere can I feel that I really fit in. Each and every one has been more than welcoming but I feel like a square peg trying to force myself into a round hole and I know it is not doing my mental health any favours, in fact just the opposite. So you are not alone in your struggles. I don't have the answers but neither do I believe in a God who would punish us for feeling this way.

Tue Oct 12 2010 8:44:40 #
Unregistered

I am the same as Tess. I don’t fit in with any religion.

I believe people are born gay/straight Rich, it’s not a lifestyle preference, obviously, and God will not punish anyone for their sexuality.

My convent boarding school totally messed with my mind, so I can empathize with how your mum’s views distressed you, Rich. There are good and bad views in most religions and good and bad people preaching them. I haven’t been to church for many years, for several reasons. A Catholic friend is devoutly religious and she once asked me if God will forgive other religions, will he allow the inhabitants of an island to enter Heaven, if they have been unfortunate enough not to hear about Christianity. She also met a wonderful doctor who is Jewish and she is anxious that he convert and join her in Heaven. No other religion is going, apparently!

Thank goodness I can stand back from it all now and realize that I was panicking over nothing. We are all here to learn. Good and bad experiences mould us and help us to develop into better human beings (hopefully!). I don’t believe attending church is necessary in order to please God or for our own salvation. The old saying ‘Do as you would be done by’ is probably one of the best ways to live our lives and to please God.

Some of those I know who regularly attend church are bigots (no offence intended to the millions who attend who aren’t!). I’ve sat amongst the congregation in my village church and listened to the gossip before and after the service and felt total dismay. A friend of many years told me a while back that I should be honoured that she allows me to be her friend. She is a Jehovah’s Witness and views me as beneath her (again, not suggesting that’s the view of all Witnesses).

My father was an atheist (I say ‘was‘ because he will have been converted by now). He was probably the most decent human being I have ever known. God will not be punishing him or denying him a place in Heaven because he was a non believer. He was a thoroughly good man and that’s what counts.

The vicar I mentioned, previously, who was a very dear soul, upset me when I first met him to discuss my impending marriage. He refused to marry me in his church because my parents had not had me baptised. He gave it some thought and said there could be a way around the problem, he queried as to whether my fiancé had been baptised. He then announced that my future husband is a Christian, it was permissible for him to marry a non-Christian. Had it not been for the fact I was in the clutches of an intense OCD ‘moment’ I would have told him what I thought of this. I did quietly put it to him that my fiancé was an atheist and only a baby when his parents decided to ‘make him a Christian’. He could have lived a very un-Christian life, I could have behaved like Mother Teresa (I stress the word ‘could’) but that splash of water determines whether a person is fit to be called a Christian and to be married in the presence of God. Even while my OCD ‘forced’ me to adhere to these rules, I felt them archaic and hypocritical (I know, I was also a hypocrite!).

I’m a believer in certain words from the Gospel of Thomas, where Jesus states we don’t need to give praise in buildings etc that He is everywhere.

I am not a Spiritualist, but I do find many of them to be very tolerant and forgiving. They believe every action, good or bad, has a reason and helps in our spiritual development. I am keen to study Buddhism more.

Like with any OCD symptom, scrupulosity is painful to live with. I was very fortunate, obsessions like this are very hard to deal with, mine perhaps just reached the end of its time and faded away. Like with other obsessions that are in the past, I can see how unnecessary and futile it all was, but that’s not how it feels when we are in the clutches of one.

Tricia x

P.S. Tess, your mention of the Salvation Army reminded me of a heated conversation I had with an American ‘Major’. I phoned him seeking help for a friend in the States. I described her severe OCD and desperate need. His reply: ‘Ma’am, she doesn’t sound like the kind of lady who is an asset to our society’. I nearly put the phone down at this point, but instead found myself lecturing him about his un-Christian attitude, I even said 'Would Jesus say that about her?!'. A friend was put off the Salvation Army by this incident, but I did say that we mustn’t judge a group of people by the actions of one man. I know the Army does wonderful work. I’m still shocked by the man’s response, however!

Tue Oct 12 2010 13:05:14 #