OCD Action

Unregistered

I was with a friend at the pub last weekend and after quite a few pints mentioned the fact that I needed to arrange an appointment with the surgery to see whether I have OCD or whether its just one of those things. His reply was ‘what do you need to go to the doctors for, its obvious’ and ‘to stop being a…. about things’ !

I went anyway and the Doctor confirmed my fears.

In a weird way now that I have an explanation for things I do/experience I feel a little easier.

The question I have is, has anyone on this site with OCD been in a relationship with someone with the same condition and how has it gone? I want to be with someone (in no desperate rush!) but wonder whether a relationship is easier with someone with the same condition?

Sat Nov 13 2010 0:44:01 #
Unregistered

Hi

I think that relationships work better if there is an understanding of OCD and a willingness to help the person with the condition.

This requires a happy medium. On the one hand, it is failry essential that the partner gives no reassurance as this takes away the OCDer's ability to think for himself /herself and so gain control. On the other hand, the carer partner needs to support and not criticise or try to act as the OCDer's therapist.

I have met one couple who both had OCD and the understanding was no stronger than from someone without the condition. So the jury is out on this. Even if you both have contamination OCD your reasons and fear and compulsions can differ widely. Haing said this, making friends with other OCDers is priceless. This no-strings attached friendship is hugely beneficial.

So for me the main ingredient for a good relationship is understanding, the willingness to talk, learn and share and to support one another.

Anne

Sat Nov 13 2010 12:39:33 #
blueboy
Member

i worry about this too, because i want a prper relationship... loneliness is destroying my soul and personality..
my last partner controlled me and wasnt supportive... though they did not have ocd...
made me feel very small... and after years of control, decided to leave me and during that leaving period... i couldnt cope... they refused to drive me to supermarket for food... i was so socialy phobic i had to organise a nurse to take me to the supermarket... i felt so rubbished...now i can do my own things... but that was the height of control i received... i certainly didnt feel loved...so i know i could not take it again if i am not understood and loved with all my "flaws"

Sun Nov 14 2010 15:11:46 #
Unregistered

I agree with Anne. Even two people with contamination obsessions could clash badly. I have a friend who has exactly the same fear as me, but the way in which we deal with it differs greatly and there is no way we could live together.

I have also noticed that when one person with OCD is doing better they can become more impatient and intolerant than a person who has never experienced it. I’d like to say this is unusual, but I have found most with OCD react this way. A case of ‘if I can do it, you can!’.

I had one friend who was really nice when his OCD was severe, but he could be uncaring and abrupt when he was doing better. He attempted to become my therapist and almost drove me mad! Other friends with OCD have also been harsh and judgemental, one stated I am pathetic. I have reached a point where I am prepared to listen to other's problems, but prefer to keep mine to myself as much as possible, for fear of being hurt very badly.

I think the ideal relationship for someone with OCD is a person who is not a sufferer, but who is compassionate and patient. My husband has a short temper, and that has been a recipe for disaster. As Anne also said, reassurance can be detrimental, but being too forceful and impatient is even worse.

Obviously it’s possible for two people with OCD to form a relationship, but I would imagine it rarely works out. I have a friend who is in this situation and I could write a book about her relationship. The simple chore of shopping has sparks flying, because each feels strongly that things have to be done a set way.

Mon Nov 15 2010 14:31:50 #
Unregistered

Paul, You have been treated appallingly and it will take a while for you to recover. You are a very special person, and it distresses me that some of the nicest, most sensitive people are treated so badly. One day you will find yourself in a loving relationship.

Mon Nov 15 2010 14:36:06 #
blueboy
Member

thanks tricia how very kind, i certainly hope so...

Mon Nov 15 2010 20:09:35 #
brennie
Member

Paul you are a great guy who deserves to find a partner who will love and respect you for who you are.
love Brennie x

Tue Nov 16 2010 12:28:57 #
blueboy
Member

thanks brennie x

Mon Nov 22 2010 19:59:57 #