OCD Action

applegreen
Member

Hi Everyone,

First of all I should probably introduce myself, I'm a 23 yr old female who has had OCD for 13 years and it started off as 'conventional' OCD- handwashing, doing things in 3s etc. Then when I got to about 16 I became terrified of the idea of being a pervert- that I might become attracted to family members, animals, kids etc. The idea of being like that makes me want to die, honestly. The thought depressed me so much I'd get so desperate that I'd contemplate suicide, and I was too scared to tell anyone about more specifically, my P-OCD incase they thought I really was like that, and confirmed my worst fears. Anyway, seven years later and I pluck up the courage to see a therapist about this.. she doesn't know what Pure O Ocd is, and so when I tried to describe my P-OCD worries she snapped at me and put words in my mouth, (saying for example that I was 'aroused' by something that I felt sexually aware of, and angrily asking me why I thought of a disturbing thought, as if I really thought that) I literally had to go back and clarify what I meant, (which led her to cross out whatever incorrect and worrying statement she had written about me.) This just made me realise that if I hadn't of gone back and checked there would have been something bad written about me.This is literally my worst nightmare. I know I have done nothing wrong, all I want to do is get better and instead the therapist who doesn't understand my condition at all, and has never even heard of it thinks that I am some kind of wierdo.I feel so alone, and now I just keep playing the words she said to me over and over again thinking I went so wrong in trusting her, paranoid she's going to misunterpret me and put it on my medical records (she also made me sign a consent form to record the conversation, which I wasn't comfortable with but felt I had to). I have a wonderful boyfriend who has supported me through my difficulty and usually just talking to him gets me through. This experience has made me so anxious and shaken that for the first time since I met him I feel so bleak and desperate, and like even he can't help me.I know I am a good person and that I could not and would not ever hurt anyone (and even the desire to hurt anyone would make me want to kill myself) but even so I feel like OCD is ruining my life. Has anyone else had a bad experience explaining P-OCD or just Pure O in general? Does anyone know of a Pure O therapist in the UK? I've looked online and can't find one. Sorry for the long essay, I'm just so desperate and worried right now that any reply would be appreciated.

Tue Apr 20 2010 11:31:19 #
Unregistered

I am really sorry to hear how badly you were treated. Unfortunately this does happen occasionally and it must make people with symptoms like yours even more reluctant to talk about their problems. The therapist’s ignorance is bad enough, but her attitude is inexcusable.

I’m not sure you will find a list of therapists who specialize in these kinds of symptoms, but you could phone around. You can gauge whether a therapist is likely to be able to help you by their response over the phone. Your symptom seems very common and most therapists would react very differently from the one you saw.

I had a similar encounter with a psychiatrist, years ago. We have to try to put these bad experiences behind us. For every bad therapist there are several good ones out there.

Tue Apr 20 2010 14:02:27 #
vmb
Member

I have the same symptoms and found a really good therapist...it depends on where ur willing to travel...where abouts do u live?

Tue Apr 20 2010 16:17:07 #
Unregistered

I too have the same issue. Luckily, I'm in a remission phase at the moment. I'm not sure if I am dealing with the issue in the right way. I do visual exposure for my issue when I can and also watch movies with things that would aggrivate this type of OCD. And indeed yes, I have had issues getting the right type of therapy for this issue. Mine was based around my counsellor not being aware of OCD and me thinking I was actually one of those people (I dare not mention it, because I'm at work surrounded by colleagues) - She recommended I call S I N and they pretty much condemned me as one of these people because they did not have an understanding of this type of OCD. I then had major problems getting CBT in Staffordshire after uni and in the end gave up.

Down in Somerset, I had another counsellor who suspected my condition, but didn't push the point through and due to my incredibly low self esteem believed I was one of these people. After 2 years of hell (2008 and 2009), I saw a psychiatrist on my private health insurance and got diagnosed, got onto this site and things have improved. The only issue is, my private health insurance were pushing me for the nature of my issue to see if it was something I could be covered for and in the end stopped going to the Priory for treatment. Its a pain I know, but I really think you should keep looking and email us for support, because I'm sure we can help if things get really bad.

Take care and welcome to the forum

Giles

Tue Apr 20 2010 16:56:46 #
applegreen
Member

Thank you Giles, vmb and Tricia, I appreciate your replies so much- I'm definately not going to see that therapist ever again, and I'm going to keep looking for the right one before I get into a conversation like that one again! I'm definately going to be using this forum too, as it's really helpful getting advice from other people who are going through the same thing.

Tue Apr 20 2010 17:26:11 #