OCD Action

Hi, I think I'm just looking for some support and any advice anyone might have about my situation.

I've been with my husband for 2 1/2 years, and I became aware of his OCD quite quickly. It mainly is focussed on his skin. So he has to have two long showers a day where he applies steroid cream to his face each time, wipe his face constantly with one particular brand of wipes, uses kitchen towel in between this to wipe his face, must have new towels for every shower and a new pillowcase every night. He also washes his hands frequently (getting through one entire hand wash a day) and generally locks the bathroom every time he goes in there - anywhere from 10 minutes to 45 minutes at a time. He can not get hot and gets very upset if he sweats, and he won't let anyone touch his face at all (although he doesn't like being touched anywhere on his skin much). This has extended to food dislikes, because he believes he is allergic to certain foods but is not consistent either about this. Because of all of this he can't really do housework as he's worried about things spitting on his face (e.g.. cooking or washing up) or sweating so the only thing he will do is wash towels for himself almost constantly.

Ultimately he thinks he has bad skin, which he doesn't, and if he does all the above it will be fine, but then if he gets even the smallest spot he's depressed for days and won't open the curtains, look at me or see anyone. He especially dislikes people being in the flat with us including family.

4 months after living together I became aware of all of this and got him to see a doctor who referred him to CBT, with a 7 month waiting list, however it got cancelled because the therapist had left the practice and nothing was ever reorganised. Since then it's been a constant struggle with him refusing to go to the doctor to speak to anyone about it and now refuses the idea that he has OCD - he just gets very angry and tells me its all medically necessary as its about his skin and I would never understand. When I try and remonstrate with him that no doctors have ever told him to do this he tells me that they don't know what they're talking about and he found all of this on the internet.

His family are no help at all, he's been suffering with this since he was 15 but they have only ever teased him about this or tried to force him to be a different way. They simply think he's stubborn and they can boss him out of this. Now we're married I get hassled by all of them for the way he acts and get told that I need to whip him into shape, but if I try and tell them what it's like to live with him they get annoyed at me, as if I'm insulting him. My family are very supportive but obviously are worried for me and especially because he makes it very difficult for them to visit us from Scotland.

I have been able to cope until now, gently pushing him to seek help, trying to get him to modify his behaviour with the help of some CBT workbooks but now I'm 29 weeks pregnant I feel so hopeless. He seems to have no idea what it will be like to look after a baby, just thinks he will get to have cuddles all the time and I can do all the hard stuff and get back to all the household chores that I am struggling with now. I'm sure with the sleepless nights and stress that come with a baby his OCD will only be exacerbated and I won't get any of the help I need especially in the first few weeks. He's refusing to go see anyone about it (every time he makes an appointment, I find out days later he just hasn't turned up) and at the same time he's telling me I can't have my parents stay for support because he doesn't want anyone to be around us when the baby comes along.

I really don't know what to do and just feel like crying, I'm struggling everyday to keep the household ticking over (there is now mould on the walls of all our bedroom and bathroom because he makes the place so damp) and I'm becoming more and more stressed about the birth because he refuses to actually think about what it will really be like. I love him so much and I know he loves me but its difficult not to feel hopeless sometimes - I hope that doesn't all come across as dreadful or unsupportive.

Sorry for the long post just needed to get this down and get some advice from people who wouldn't judge but understand.