OCD Action

Nigel
Member

Hi All,

I have checking OCD in terms of the fear of losing things. I posted on here to say that I was having a bit of a bad time yesterday. What happened was I went to a house which makes me feel really anxious for the following reasons:

- they have noticed me checking and it has affected how they treat me and intern my confidence
- if they see me checking they dont understand and i feel upset for days

Although i was doing better over recent weeks to go to this particular house was like military precision in terms of double checking what i had with me, getting a friend to check and listing everything twice. when i was there i did check and wasnt sure if i was noticed and when i got back i had everything i took.

However i turned to look back into the living room of the house and saw something white on the floor. because someone was looking i didnt look back again. i remember thinking that there may not be something there it may hae been my imagination or in the corner of my eye or the light or something. People on here told me not to ask the household as this would feed my OCD. I haven't asked and i did start to feel better late last night but again today i feel bad. I keep thinking what if there was something important of value that i missed and i dropped it. the image of what i thought i saw is groing in my memory in size and shape and now i feel like its unclear as to if it was just my imagination or whthere i saw something. i think i just saw something and if i had looked back it would have been nothing interms of just the way the light caught me.

I really dont know and would like to know your experiences of whether you thing you have dropped something and when you look there is nothing. It's easily done on a patterned surface or a shiny surface but this was a matt red carpet.

please let me know if you have experienced this!

Thank you

Nigel

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Mon Jan 10 2011 14:46:34 #
Parvez Choudhry
Member

Hello Nigel,

I used to have checking OCD and I had severe anxiety in the same situation as what happened to you. Yes, OCD is very cunning and capable in making us think we perceived evidence that something dreadful has happened. Our brains can easily hallucinate sounds, sights, and tactile sensations of something horrible happen if we consciously or even subconsciously fear it happen. It is very subtle and can cause great distress.

But of course at this point in time you cannot be absolutely certain that what you saw may have been a real object that fell out of your pocket. I know it seems very frightening but I don't think there is any way now that you can get 100% reassurance. How would you feel if you adopted this attitude:

I may have dropped something but I probably didn't (since it rarely happens and I am naturally more careful than most people).
I know my wallet and credit cards are safe with me now so there's nothing else that would matter too much if I did lose it.
If I did drop something, it is unlikely to be anything really really important because my pockets nearly always only contain stuff that could easily be replaced if I lost it.
The householder would probably have contacted me by now to say they had found something on the floor and ask was it mine - but they haven't.
Taking everything into consideration, the chances that I accidentally dropped something vitally important are very slim. I can't do anything practical about it now anyway, so my best policy is to try to learn to live with the nagging uncertainty because the only other option is to carry on worrying, which in the long term is likely to precipitate further incidents of this sort in future. Taking a risk now and putting up with short-term discomfort is a good investment because it will entail less suffering in the long-term than if I go on worrying. So whenever I feel anxious about it from now on, I will force my mind to think about something else and not keep seeking reassurance.

I know it's easier said than done. You have my sympathy, and I wish you all power to your elbow!

Regards,
Parvez

Mon Jan 10 2011 16:57:53 #
muppy89
Member

hi Nigel

have you got any books on OCD, i have a good book that really helps you to overcome doing compulsions

Nikki

Mon Jan 10 2011 20:21:12 #
Nigel
Member

Hi Parvez,

Thank you for your reply it does make sense and I have to be strong. I'm finding it so difficult and keep nearly giving in. I'm glad you shared your experience I will save them words as they are very helpful.

Nikki, what book is it? I have a couple: Overcoming Complusive Checking and Overcoming OCD.

Regards

Nigel

Mon Jan 10 2011 21:34:13 #
Nigel
Member

Hi All,

I was feeling strong for maybe five minutes when I got up and now the thought of losing something is plaguing me again. I've been so close to giving in.

I can't even be sure that i did see something on the floor and im less than 5% sure what it looks like. its like my mind making up an image of how i should remember seeing something. Im worried incase there was something.

Who elase has thought they had dropped something and when they looked again there wasnt anything? i didnt look back telling myself there was nothing there and now its bugging me.

Nigel

Tue Jan 11 2011 12:15:53 #
swan
Member

Hi,
My main checking isues are in relation to relationships, but I alays have to check cooker is off at night if Ive used it, if i don't then I have to check, check the knob is in right position and place my hand on hot plate to make sure that its off

Tue Jan 11 2011 18:32:16 #
ocdmum
Member

Hi there
I used to have checking ocd before it was overtaken by contamination ocd.
I find that if you are worried about losing or leaving important things somewhere that you should only take minimal stuff out with you, eg only take one credit card in your wallet not loads of important documents and only take the keys you actually need with you not a huge bunch of keys. Then if you loose things or leave things it is not so drastic. Also when checking things I found it helpful to say out loud to myself that I had done it.
If other people are giving you strange looks for checking things, sometimes it is best to own up and say I have ocd. Sometimes they are more sympathetic than you think. I realise there are only certain people you can tell this sort of thing.
Remember, lots of people loose things, not just ocders so it's ok to do this sometimes, everyone does, and you're probably so careful that you never loose things anyway.
Don't know if any of this helps, but hope so.
ocdmum

Wed Jan 12 2011 1:58:29 #
muppy89
Member

its the ocd workbook i recommend it

Nikki

Thu Jan 13 2011 19:06:39 #
Nigel
Member

Hi all,

With OCD it's like after one resolution there is another issue about the same thing and there has been something bugging me since thursday when I went to a sudden funeral with my brother in his car!

I wanted to ask my bro about checking the car and I was dreading it and before I got a chance to he called me and said he had checked the car with the light on to see if i had dropped something. My attention then turned to the previous incident about the white thing on the floor and that started doing my head in?

Well after that my attention has turned again and this time it's driving me insane and stopping me from doing much. I'm stressing and wasting so much time and jobs are piling up and every so often I feel close to giving in to OCD and seeking reassurance and I really want a second opinion.

I checked everything b4 I went to the funeral on Thursday. I remember listing that my pockets were checked and thinking that I'd listed it before checking but that I must check them. I definately checked my trouser pockets thoroughly and I checked my coat pockets while it was on the hanger. A few days ago I think I was sure that I'd checked the outside pockets but now I feel like I think I did but I still know I checked the rest. I remember when I went downstairs I thought that I would mess up by doubting I'd checked my trousers so i out my hands in my trouser pockets which of course were empty. I'm sure I moved my hands to my trousers from my empty coat pockets but now I've got the doubt. When I got in the car I had the though that I hadn't checked my outside pockets when I'm sure I did but the doubt crept in. I didn't want to mess about with them in the car so I don't think I checked them in the car apart from just patting them and I kept still pressing against my pockets. When my brother opened the centre console to get his stereo I watched it like a hawk and remember keeping my distance. I know I felt fairly comfortable and I wasn't thinking of dropping anything from my pockets into the centre console 'cos I'm sure it was too high for that to happen. I was more concerned about objects I didn't have dropping from my hands or arms and that made me feel ok cos i knew i was being silly. When we got out the car I cheked my outside pockets which were empty and checked the floor. The place of concern was under the seat although I didn't think I had anything on me and there wasn't much room for anything to drop under the seat.

On the way back my bro was switching the stereo off and putting it away and he asked me to do it. I remember the centre console being high and i was watching what I was doing like a hawk and i checked my hands, the stereo, the case and the centre console. He also had the light on so I could see. The only niggle was under the seat which he has said he checked the car and when i asked about under the seat he said yes front and back.

So the bad OCD now has been telling me since Thursday/Friday that I dropped something in the centre console and I keep going from moving on to nearly asking. I needed to tell him something but I didn't ring cos it was my excuse to ask and i didn't want to lose the excuse. He rang earlier so i have lost that excuse and i was (if you can measure it) milliseconds away from asking him. My heart was beating so fast and I was nervous. I didn't though and I've been swearing at the computer. I feel useless like me thinking I am careless and don't deserve anything will haunt me but the facts are below:

- very sure i checked my pockets especially downstairs before i got in the car (in the living room) if i hadnt in my bedroom which im pretty sure i did too
- if ther was something it would have fallen on the floor and not upways into the centre console and my bros checked the floor
- only my brother went into the console before i checked again when we got to bradford and i went in the console after id checked my pockets were empty
- i watched the console like a hawk
- if there was something he would see it when he goes in the console
- if there was something in the pocket it would only be something off a previous recent list so i would know what it was.

Why do i still feel like crap and what should i do?

Regards

Nigel

Mon Jan 24 2011 17:15:06 #
Truddles
Member

Hi Nigel,

I'm sorry that you're feeling so bad.
From bitter experience I can say that you're feeling so bad because you're concentrating so much on checking and it's making you ill because you're now doubting the checks.
- So ditch the list as it just makes the OCD worse and you yourself have said that you are now getting the lists muddled up.
- Stop seeking reassurance as initially it appears to help but soon the OCD doubts even that.
Once again go to the following thread that you started five months ago to remind yourself of the replies that you received then as it might help you http://www.ocdaction.org.uk/forums/topic/do-you-repeatedly-check-please-spare-5-minutes-to-repond
I used to be like you when I was out and so can empathise, but with perseverance and with NO REASSURANCE you can do it. The main thing is that you have to start to have faith in your own abilities. The more that you seek reassurance the more it feeds the OCD, it loves reassurance
Stop watching everything like a hawk as it just feeds the OCD.
PM me if you need to talk.

Trudy

Mon Jan 24 2011 18:32:22 #
dippy
Member

To Nigel,
I am 11 and i have ocd to and i also have to check things most of the time aswell
people notice me and i just have to get along with it. Although it makes me feel uncomfdoble when people ask me what i am doing i jusy say that im not doing anything.
I have one when i go into someones house it makes me feel uncomfdoble i just try to not go to that house very often.
although i know that it is not real i am overpowered with it which makes me feel bad inside like something is going to happen to me
p.s there is loads of books i have it usually works,try buying one it might make you feel better.

Sat Jan 29 2011 12:26:01 #
blueboy
Member

i get this too a lot...
it used to be much worse... if i was walking along a road and saw something lying on the ground... i got niggling thoughts...that it came out of my pocket somehow..
i would have to turn back and go quite out of my way and waste time to check...it's funny i didnt get this for a long time until today... when i walked along the roadside and looked back about 100 yards and saw something white lying on the ground.. i thought..what if thats private information out of my pocket? then i thought not good to back track...and maybe i will take the dog out later and see if it's still there.... but i didnt ...and now i dont care really..i dont always give in to my ocd.. but i used to a lot... i have to feel that everything is well down in my pockets..sometimes i do actualy pick things up... i mean pieces of paper.. thinking i dropped it.. but knowing really that i probably didnt..but i think even i m extremely careful ..things like that can still happen... losing things i mean..i understand your fears here.

Tue Mar 22 2011 3:49:40 #
Ratwomble
Member

Hi Nigel,

I'm new here but can assure you that I had very bad checking OCD last year and ended up not being able to leave the house for fear of seeing something lying on the street (my main fear was that it would harm someone or cause an accident, and I would catch a glimpse of something and then worry until I went back to check it, but I also worried terribly about losing stuff), so the fact that you're getting out at all shows that you're doing well.

I still check things, stupid things and I know they're stupid, which makes it worse. I also know that people notice me checking and those who know about the OCD are ok, but I'm sure some colleagues think I'm strange!

I think the essence of checking OCD is not believing what you see. I checked the garage door three times this morning before leaving and still doubted that I had seen it closed. It is odd because I have a decent enough memory and when I really have forgotten to do something I know that it is a real thing and not my OCD!

I have to agree with Trudy that the reassurance is not sustainable. It works for a while, but then becoomes like the cycling itself and I found I asked many times (until my saintly wife shouted at me!)

I'm lucky enough to be in recovery at the moment. It hasn't gone away but it is controllable,

Good luck - and celebrate your successes. It sounds like your fighting your OCD really hard.

Best wishes

David

Tue Mar 22 2011 19:35:10 #
blueboy
Member

i often find it difficult to visulise things..i see something but i dont trust what i am seeing or something.. someone might understand that...
certainly i get this with throwing out rubbish... i must check a bag several times, read the labels..and then re-read until it sticks somehow in my mind... so just taking out the rubbish can be more than a simple task and unless its particulary prone to going off sometimes i leave for two days...i just know it will be a real task.

Tue Mar 22 2011 21:42:38 #
wannabefree
Member

Hi everyone, yes, I definitely do have this! I get petrol at petrol station, wander across forecourt totally convinced I've dropped something... I look back repeatedly, look under cars, in the kiosk, I've been known to go back in after paying just to check I haven't dropped anything on the floor... And the more I check, the more I feel thye need to check again... I might see a screwed up reciept on the floor, but If i pick it up, it'll set another trigger off, if I've inadvertently touched the floor... I can't win...

Wed Mar 23 2011 11:14:08 #