OCD Action

bubblewrap
Member

Hi

I think I have OCD, but perhaps you will be able to define my symptoms more clearly.

a) My 'thing' is almost all thought based. I am always imagining uncomfortable scenarios/situations and I work on how I could best talk my way out of the situation or acheive the outcome I want. Sometimes this stems from a clip of news or celeb story on TV. After a long period of picking apart my retort I say AAARRRGGHHH this is not even a real situation, why am I obsessing over it. Thankfully I keep the screaming in my head unless alone :0)

b) I make bargains with 'god'. I cannot flippently say I wish for something, I have to word it so precisley so that I have considered every technicality so ensure I am wishing for exactly what I want and it cannot be mis-interpreted. Again this is in my head

c) I correct grammar seen on signs, question how messages in posters etc could be mis-interpreted by moving commas etc. If someone on TV says something in an incorrect way, it doesnt exactly freak me out but I have to make a mental note of how they were wrong. This one is particularly hypocritical as my spelling and grammar are average at best.

One or more of the above happens every day and is starting to drive me crazy.

I dont perform anything repetitively (just thoughts), but I am really particular about how I like things to be done. I am sure that I have put so much thought into each task, that I would feel frustrated if someone did it a different way.

I used to have rituals when I was a teenager but these went away at some time (not sure when).

I have made an appointment to see my GP on Monday, but would like some 'insider' information / opinions before I go. I dont want him to disregard my anxiety - I have never disclosed any issues with mental health before.

Thanks for your time reading this and I welcome any comments, suggestions or comments

Edit: Oh and I have to write lists all the time and feel uncomfortable when things are not symetrical or patterns are somehow 'out'.

I am fighting myself not to keep editing this - yet also thinking no one will read it either. I am both feeling sick with anxiety and at the same time laughing at it!

Thu Mar 25 2010 20:42:11 #
Truddles
Member

Hi

Welcome to the forum. See someone has read your post.

I can only be brief as I haven't finished work that I have to take to a meeting tomorrow.

It does sound like OCD but you need a professional to make the diagnosis. What I would recommend is writing everything down for the GP as it's so easy to forget things. It's not easy but in seeing the GP you will have taken the first step to getting some control.

Well done for resisting the urge to edit your post, must admit I have that problem sometimes and I'm also a great one for making lists.

Good luck with the GP.

Trudy

Thu Mar 25 2010 20:55:36 #
bubblewrap
Member

Thanks Judy - for reading and your input good luck 4 yr meeting

Thu Mar 25 2010 21:11:09 #
bubblewrap
Member

I have not heard of pure 'o' before, does this sound like it?

Thu Mar 25 2010 21:12:49 #
Truddles
Member

Thanks doubt if I'll get much joy with the meeting though

I don't know much about 'Pure O' but it doesn't sound like it as you have compulsions as well judging by what you've said. Sorry my brain has turned to mush and I can't think clearly tonight I just didn't want you to feel alone. You're not and you'll get great support from the forum.

Trudy

Thu Mar 25 2010 21:24:22 #
Cuthbert ffoliott
Moderator

Hi Bubblewrap -

to me it seems that you have OCD, pure OCD. It can occur without compulsions, or better: without very obvious compulsions. A group of French scientists defined an additional dimension of OCD not so long ago, in which they placed 'mental rituals', and also 'religious obsessions'. It really looks like you are suffering from these.

You have a trait of perfectionism (out of fear for being misunderstood); and your bargains with God are much adjacent to this perfectionism.

I would advise you not to downplay this problem with your GP. And also not to allow the GP to simplify or downplay it. It is a real burden for you.

Since I got paroxetine as medication, my own urges for perfection and needs to be understood exactly right and in a non-ambivalent manner became manageable. Now, I'd never step into your doctor's shoes, but: there is medication that can considerably decrease these fears. I don't have to re-read e-mails endlessly anymore to check them for errors and ambivalency. It feels wonderful, I can tell you that. I know now that, should there be an error in them, the recipient knows me well enough to fill in the right interpretation for him- or herself.

All the best,

Cuthbert.

Fri Mar 26 2010 12:04:31 #
applegreen
Member

Hi Bubblewrap,

I think everyone had already said this really well, but yep It sounds like you definately have Pure O. I also had rituals and outwards compulsions when I was younger, it was equally horrible but sometimes I think it would be simpler because a lot of therapists don't even know what 'Pure O' OCD is, which can feel really alienating, but trust me you're not alone. The website http://www.theotherocd.com is really good for advice on Pure O.

Tue Apr 20 2010 11:39:22 #
Unregistered

Applegreen that's a very interesting site. I've just been looking at it, thank you for the link.

Someone pointed out to me, the other day, that there is no such thing as ‘Pure O’. Having suffered from it for years, I was puzzled. However, I did see his point. Most people with obsessions have compulsions of some kind, even if they are mental ones.

I just read the following on the site that Applegreen mentioned:

“The label "Purely-Obsessional" is in and of itself, a misnomer. OCD always includes two components: An Obsession AND a compulsion. In what we call "Purely-Obsessional" there is always a compulsion. The difference is that the compulsion is simply non-observable. That is, taking place entirely in the mind, or in very subtle physical manifestations.”

I do feel that we now use too many subdivisions within OCD. Whatever symptoms we are suffering it’s all obsessive-compulsive disorder. Therapists should be trained to deal with all our symptoms, but some do seem unfamiliar with ones that are actually very common. I also find acronyms puzzling. Many on forums talk about their HOCD or ROCD, for example. There are several possibilities for each and it is confusing.

Bubblewrap, writing lists is very much a physical compulsion and I dare say the dislike of asymmetry involves compulsions to ensure that objects are symmetrical whenever possible.

Correcting grammar etc is a common compulsion. When reading or listening to reporters on television I note their mistakes. I had a friend who proofread the daily newspaper, which put the rest of the family off reading it, if he had managed to get his pen to it first! Kenneth Williams appeared to suffer OCD. He was known to correct the grammatical mistakes in friends’ letters! He would also correct their pronunciation. Which backfired on him on occasion!

I do agree that so-called ‘Pure O’ symptoms usually involve compulsions. I used to be terrified of shouting out blasphemous words in church. My compulsion was to place my hand over my mouth to prevent the words from being uttered. When this didn’t offer complete reassurance, I stopped attending church. I also believed I may have run someone over with my car. This also included compulsions. In my case the initial compulsion was to check the rear view mirror. I might be compelled to turn the car around or check the car for damage etc…

However, I dispute the statement that OCD always includes two components, an obsession and a compulsion. One of my obsessions is purely an obsession with no compulsion at all. A therapist at the Bethlem disagreed with this and insisted I had to be repeating mantras or carrying out another compulsion to neutralize the obsessional thought. His insistence began to upset me, because only the individual can say what is going through his or her mind. I listened carefully to all his suggestions, but when I assured him I was doing none of these, he told me I had to be! Apparently, he would prevent me from carrying out the compulsion (which was non-existent) and that would cure the obsession. I have to admit I lost faith in his ability as a therapist. We need to listen carefully to a therapist, but surely they also need to listen carefully to us?!

Bubblewrap, my dad was always making lists (he was obsessional, but he didn’t have OCD).

How did your doctor’s appointment go?

Thu Apr 22 2010 13:38:33 #