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forum Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder (OCD)

Please help me understand these feelings!

(5 posts) (3 voices)
  • Started 1 year ago by Nigel
  • Latest reply from Truddles
  • This topic is Not a support question
  1. Avatar Image

    Nigel
    Member

    Hi everyone,

    I am again having a really bad time with my OCD and although I have researched the reasons we are the way we are when we suffer from OCD it sometimes helps for someone else to reinforce the facts. Please would you help me to understand what is OCD and what is reality?

    Because of OCD and my fear of losing something important I make checklists when I go out and I repeatedly check in the mirror to ensure I have nothing stuck to me. I have stopped wearing watches and rings and I have locked all my jewellery away as I fear losing it!

    I went to my brothers last night and when I was putting something in the bin I had the thought that I may have dropped my ring in the bin. I usually look at my hands before throwing away anything but I didn't this time. The thing is, I haven't worn jewellery for a long time and when I feel like wearing my less valuable ring I won't as I'm too scared to get it out incase I lose anything.

    So why did this urge to check the trash build up just incase? I keep feeling like what's more important the inconvenience of checking trash versus retrieving something so valuable and the latter overules.

    It didn't help when the day before I didn't get to check my brothers car when I got out. However I knew I hadn't left anything. My list also confirmed I hadn't left anything. But because of the OCD doubt I went to check using leaving a hat which i hadn't left as an excuse. It so happens that my other brother had left two hats in the car so this sent my recovery spiralling downwards.

    I had someone check the bin and then this led to the feeling it may be on the sofa. They said they checked everywhere. I want to ask specifically did you check the seat near the window? Now they're getting annoyed with me.

    Please can you explain what I'm thinking and what I should do?

    Thanks

    Nigel

    Sun Aug 22 2010 12:08:35 #
  2. Avatar Image

    Cuthbert ffoliott
    Moderator

    Hiya Nigel -

    I can relate very well. See: I had similar fears and burdensome checking activities for decades. I had to trawl through garbage bags (cans) endlessly, after having had the intrusive thought: 'something valuable just might have slipped in; not likely at all, but possible nevertheless... let me just check again'.

    Now, this is an awful predicament, and very time-consuming. Once such a creepy thought, fear has snuck up on you, you can't get rid of it any more, unless you, yes, check again. Because, if you don't check, and put that sack outside, and it's collected, you can ruminate for days about what you might have lost. You get sad. Mostly, in my case, the end result was some sort of weird grief: I felt I had lost indeed something dear, and that I'd have to deal with my loss for an infinite amount of time... - and what was so annoying: I could not name any object I might have lost.

    It's very deep. Spontaneity has gone out of the window. Normally, people don't control if anything has stuck on them, that might get lost outside. Spontaneity requires ease of mind, and a basic belief that such things won't happen.

    I benefited from my medication. I have lost quite a lot of these fears and worries after having gotten used to paroxetine (40 mg/day). I don't know exactly how that is in your case (meds I mean). If you want to, let me know.

    Again, this is such a fitting example of OCD. Because what you and I share is not delusional, not a psychosis. Statistically speaking, that what we fear might be true, it's not impossible. But chances are oh so slim.

    I often thought: hey, Cuthbert, even if you lost a bill of 20 Euros somewhere, pondering this matter for a whole week will cost you much more than that bill itself, in terms of quality of life, and joy.

    This thought did work. Not always, but it did frequently.

    Hope this helps a bit, and feel free to PM or use the 'wire' function.

    Cheers. Cuthbert.

    Sun Aug 22 2010 13:31:38 #
  3. Avatar Image

    Nigel
    Member

    Hi Cuthbert,

    Thank you for your reply. I have been reading so much about checking OCD but it is so difficult to find the same issues as me so I am glad you replied.

    I also try to think what's is so valuable that its worth worrying about this much and although it usually helps it doesn't help when I think I've lost something sentimental.

    I am not on any meds and I haven't had CBT; I'm using self help books at the minute.

    Today has been a really difficult day for me. I nearly went back again to check but the help books and online advice insists you must face the anxiety until it subsides. I got to the point where I wanted to lay on the floor and cry, I was almost shaking and then I talked it through with a friend and the anxiety subsided. I really didn't think it would. I still have the OCD doubts however I don't feel that anxious. I am just hoping it doesn't come back tomorrow. I keep telling myself I'm not worthy of having b=valuable items but then saying to my self that I never where rings for fear of losing them and to get my rings I would need to find the key to the safe which I have misplaced. I haven't wore a ring for months.

    It's the thoughts of losing the ring that I don't understand when I know I wasn't wearing one. I still feel the feelings of when you lose something.

    I will say goodnite as I am tired and it's late.

    Speak soon.

    Thanks

    Nigel

    Sun Aug 22 2010 22:43:28 #
  4. Avatar Image

    Cuthbert ffoliott
    Moderator

    Hiya Nigel -

    thank you for the quick reply and for providing more detail. As soon as I find more about our mutual predicament, I'll write in to you again. Hang on in there, all the best, and... perhaps there's still someone around here who can contribute out of his/her own experience.

    Bye, Cuthbert.

    Mon Aug 23 2010 7:27:33 #
  5. Avatar Image

    Truddles
    Member

    Hi Nigel,

    Sorry to see that you're still having real problems with the checking. It's difficult I know but the more you ask for reassurance the more reassurance the OCD will want and you'll never get your confidence back.

    See my replies in your threads "If I don't do it something bad will happen wont it?" and "What will work for me... Please help me I really need you."
    Also see my thread "OCD and encouragement" You shouldn't be asking for reassurance as this feeds the OCD, but encouragement from others helps considerably.

    It's not easy and it takes time but with time and patience little by little you can do it.

    Perhaps you need to ask your GP for a referral for CBT as sometimes with the best will in the world we just can't manage this without help from the professionals.

    Trudy

    Mon Aug 23 2010 19:50:47 #

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