OCD Action

hillary
Member

Hi i am suffering very bad at the moment my obsession is that I feel I dont love my Husband anymore. It is killing me as it is not what I want as I know I do. It feels so real some of the time and I am scared as I have two children and I love them all. I have had this one for five years on and off and it acctually went for three months and I could look back and say God that was terrible ocd. Now it has come back and I am so frightened it is true. I obsess all day about it, I have panick attacks and am taking anti depressents but dont feel they are working yet. Please is there anyone out there who has the same one as me. I have had all the others going, washing, driving, but since going onto thoughts and feelings its become un bearable. look forward to hearing from anyone.

Wed Jul 7 2010 15:52:13 #
aishah
Member

Hi Hilary,

I,m sorry you are going through this bad patch at the moment. A few months ago I was also having thoughts about my husband,though not the same obsessional thought as you, but equally as distressing so I sympathise.

What I learnt to do through therapy was to record the thought or thoughts onto a loop tape and listen to it for ten minutes every day for two weeks. At first I was really frightened to do this in case it got worse, but after a couple of days the thoughts started losing their impact. It did take a while for the anxiety to ease up though.

You could also try writing the thoughts down and reading them over and over again until the thoughts start to lose power over you.

I know how frightening and scary it is to have thoughts out of control as I have had several severe episodes over the years, but remember they are only thoughts, they aren't how we really feel.

Also the more we take notice of these thoughts, the worse they can get and then the anxiety increases etc. When things were really bad for me a few months ago, I would wake up and go to bed in a panic- stricken state and was terrified to be on my own as I was so scared of the intrusive thoughts I was having, but 6 months later the thoughts don't bother me so much and they have settled down quite a bit.

So hang on in there and remember this will pass again and you will gain more control over your OCD.

I hope you start to feel better soon

Bridget

Wed Jul 7 2010 20:38:41 #
hillary
Member

Dear Bridget,

Thank you so much for your reply, did you have real feelings with your thoughts as that is what I am suffering with too, it like I have the obsession but I also have another obsession that is it ocd or real, I feel i am fighting two. do you ever feel that too I am desperately trying to convince myself its just ocd.

God I hate this illness, i wish i could go onto another obsession as this one feels so real and I am scared out of my life.

Hilary. x

Thu Jul 8 2010 9:56:46 #
Unregistered

Dear Hilary, I experienced this, many years ago. If you didn’t love your husband you wouldn’t be distressed! I have friends who have stopped loving their husbands and they told me in a very matter of fact way. You are only obsessing because you do love him.

I received no therapy for this, but something occurred which seemed to stop the obsession. Our burglar alarm went off at 2.00 in the morning and I stayed in bed while my husband went to see if we had an intruder. Suddenly I visualized him coming to harm and I ran to go down the stairs before him. The thought of losing him was unbearable. The next morning I asked myself if my reaction had been normal for a person who no longer loved her husband. (There was no burglar, by the way, a huge spider was probably the ‘intruder’ as we found it by one of the sensors).

This illness always tries to sabotage what we hold most dear. It is so obvious from your distress how much you love your husband!

Tricia x

Thu Jul 8 2010 13:08:23 #
aishah
Member

Dear Hilary,

I don't think I had the feelings but I was terrified that I would start to believe the terrible thoughts. I was also having urges to phone the police on him and I had many a conversation in my head as to what i would tell the police about him and what he had done.

I have noticed that if i am upset with him about something, which isn't very often, that the thoughts are worse and more frequent.

I think it is definately the OCD that is making you have these thoughts so try not to worry that you don't love your husband anymore as I'm sure you do.

I hope things start to ease up soon.

Take care
Bridget

Thu Jul 8 2010 19:13:03 #
wodehouse
Member

Hi Hilary

I used to and still from suffer from intrusive thoughts. My intrusive thoughts are about whether I am gay. So I understand how distressing they can be. I had some success in coping with these intrusive thoughts with some strategies. They are nothing new. Each one of us who suffer from OCD perfectly understands that their thoughts are irrational but just can't seem to accept them.

All OCDers tend to add more importance to the thoughts. Just because we think something does not necessarily mean that it will happen. If that were the case, it would have been enough for all the english fans to constantly obsess about england winning world cup If that theory were true I would have had either cheryl cole, paris hilton etc., as a girl friend.. Sorry for my attempt at humour, I was just trying to cheer things up.

No matter how many strategies are available for OCD, I believe in basic strategy: don't suppress a thought. As you said you had these thoughts before, I assume eventually you will be able to manage them. It will take some time.

Don't miss on the simple pleasures of life which are happening to you now.With your obsessions, you might miss some of the simpler joys which a mother usually experiences e.g your kids standing for first time etc., Or you might fail to appreciate an affectionate hug by your husband after his work. Enjoy the present moment. Do it as an experiment. Try postpoing your response to your obsessions may be for 5 minutes or so.

I am new to this forum, and all I was trying is to help u in any way I can. If there is some mistake please excuse me

Thu Jul 8 2010 20:54:42 #
hillary
Member

Dear Tricia

Thank you so much for your lovely message - it is just what I was looking for. This illness is so frightening how it makes you believe that things are really true. I start my CBT course on Tuesday and I am still taking tablets. I feel like I have hit rock bottom now but hopefully I am now on my way back up. It is so reassuring to know that there are people out there like yourself that have experienced the same feelings. I am sure I will be in contact again and please do not hesitate to email me if you need any support as I have have various obessions over the years !

Sat Jul 10 2010 16:21:44 #
hillary
Member

Thank you to all who replied to me, its very kind of you to hear words of support and to know that its not just me. I always worry terribly that its not ocd and it is real, does anyone else feel like that? I am new to sharing all this about ocd so sorry if I am asking too many questions, I am suffering very bad at moment and am looking for anything to help reasure me.

Sat Jul 10 2010 16:43:08 #
Unregistered

Dear Hillary,

No matter what type of obsessional thoughts we have they do appear real. There have been times when I have been over 99% sure that mine are real. That is the real scary part of OCD. When this has happened, I have had to sit out the fear until the thoughts appear less and less real and only a bit of doubt remains.

I do wish you the very best for your therapy. I also hope that the meds kick in soon. They can take several weeks to work, but when they do, they should help relieve this awful anxiety and also make the CBT easier to carry out.

All the very best for your treatment.

Very best wishes
Anne

Sat Jul 10 2010 17:02:30 #
swan
Member

Hi,
I have intrusive thoughts most of the time some have already been mentioned ie thinking i was gay and also that I am not liked

Sun Jul 11 2010 7:13:00 #
tina1330
Member

hi, its just that OCD kicking in i'm afraid.. and im so sorry to hear that. I was married and i generally began to hate my husband for the obvious reasons. From personal experience wirth me it was a constant 24-7 thing, i could not look at him speak to him just hated him towards the end of our marriage. However you say its on - off just like most people here with the panic attacks. I have my own OCD phobia sometimes im ok the other times i cannot breath... maybe like someone suggested write down everything you love and dont like about him - im sure you have these feeling because you do in fact love him a lot,x

Wed Jul 14 2010 22:35:28 #