OCD Action

mrsdoubt
Member

So my OCD has been terrible lately I worried over thoughts I had when changing my new baby and it's been terrible!!! Well lastnight she was sleeping on me and her feet were touching my lower belly my mind started going and I was worried about feeling something in a bad way like an arousal or something.Well the thought came up "just let yourself feel something".Then I did but not sure if it was just because I was getting that thought!! I am freaking out here thinking I did something terrible and let myself feel something toward my baby!!!! Anyone done this before?Or have any advice?? HELP

Tue Mar 22 2011 3:15:25 #
nettlenoo
Member

hello mrsdoubt i feel for you i get horrid thoughts that also have children luckly i dont get images just thoughts or voice saying you'd do something horrid or that im capable of hurting another person. i dont have children but when im having a bad day i lock myself away so i dont see kids i even avoid my friends with kids when its bad too. your not alone though hun it is tough though i know too well but remember its the ocd playing with your mind.
if you need to chat post on here or you can pm me take care xx

Tue Mar 22 2011 12:24:29 #
mrsdoubt
Member

I can't handle this!! I feel like maybe I acted on a thought because I may have felt something and don't know if I made myself on purpose or I was just so focused on that part of my body it caused me to feel something!! OMG I don't know what to do!!!!!!!!!!

Wed Mar 23 2011 12:35:10 #
nettlenoo
Member

hello again hun it is really hard try to stay calm though i know how easily we can get really upset and that makes things worse. have you got a hobbie you could try or a good book maybe watch a good movie? how are you sleeping i know when i have little or broken sleep i have a bad day the next day its a vicious little cycle. try and brea the thought pattern with a good or fun distraction it does work. pm me if you want to chat i hope you feel better soon big hugs

Wed Mar 23 2011 13:18:58 #
VIOLET
Member

I had exactly the same problem with both my children. Also, see the conversation started by Pink Lady entitled "Few days going back a step". I´m afraid I can't help you more right now because I´ve hit a very bad patch and feel absolutely terrible. But when I´m feeling better I´ll get back to you. All the best - be strong.

Wed Mar 23 2011 15:58:58 #
wannabefree
Member

I guess there can be few things more special than human touch, the connection between two souls, the comfort your little one would have felt from just knowing that you are there... For us older ones it's holding hands, the grandchild walking alongside grandad, the safety of crossing the road together, The gentle hug between people, regardless of gender...
And yet we're taught by the media that there can be anything wrong with this...
But there isn't... This is normal, and caring love... Nothing perverse or crude or untoward... In short, this is beautiful, rather than awful?

Wed Mar 23 2011 21:19:37 #
Tess
Member

Hi Wannabe
You are absolutely right, so many people with OCD become obsessed with terrible fears that their normal human feelings of love, sexual or otherwise, are perverse and the media is hugely reponsible for this. The media bombards us with accounts and images involving the worst possible socially unacceptable human behaviour and the OCD transforms this into personal terror - when the exact opposite is true. People with OCD are basically kind and sensitive souls who want to be good upright citizens and would never in engage in the behaviour which they fear lives inside them.
But not only does it create this dreadful emotional turmoil, it also destroys the very things which are so special. I will never have grandchildren, and if I did it would be well nigh impossible to enjoy them in my own home. Tolerate would be a more appropriate emotion. Hugs are always tainted with fears of contamination and therefore become an action rather than a pleasurable emotion.
OCD is vile, if it is allowed free rein it can ruin lives and destroy loving relationships. It is our worst enemy so we just have to keep on fighting it.

Thu Mar 24 2011 10:53:48 #
mrsdoubt
Member

Violet you really had the same exact thing happen?? Like thinking maybe you allowed yourself to feel something?? It's tearing me apart because it's like I'm a horrible person and abused her...although I know the thought was my OCD I worry because I felt "something".

Sat Mar 26 2011 4:29:35 #
VIOLET
Member

Oh dear, I just wrote you a private message explaining what happened with me and my kids and then rubbed it out because I started feeling bad and realised I´m not really ready to talk about it. I´m so sorry. But to all intents and purposes it was essentially the same as what you're going through. I´m sure now that I never abused my kids and am sure that you haven't either. Even if you were to feel some kind of sexual desire towards your daughter, I don't think that in itself is bad - it would only be bad if you acted out that desire and I feel sure you haven't and won't however much your OCD makes you imagine that you have. It's very important that you don't let the OCD come between you and your daughter. She needs a lot of physical contact right now. When she's the age my kids are she won't, and then you'll miss it. I miss it terribly. Are you on medication or receiving any other help?

Sat Mar 26 2011 12:52:47 #
VIOLET
Member

Have just realised you're probably breastfeeding so can't take medication for the time being, but that doesn't go on for ever. Even if you can't take medication your doctor may be able to help you in some other way. Having a new baby can be very hard.

Sat Mar 26 2011 13:49:25 #
mrsdoubt
Member

I just don't know what to do anymore

Sun Mar 27 2011 21:03:07 #
lil B
Member

hey, I am new to the forum and havent really posted anything on anybodies walls..I have a little afraid, and have being private mailing just a few people, but i think its time to try and help others and maybe help myself a lil more, i cried reading your post as i do when i see anyone else lwith my problem, I hvaent had the feeling aspect that you have highlighted but alovely lady on here posted this a while back, you should read it...its very comforting http://westsuffolkpsych.homestead.com/articles.html
umm but yeah its so tough and hard I know what kind of place your in:(I had something similar when chaning my nieces nappy and I wanted to shoot myself, so innocent and small and just a horrible image so beyond wrong it makes me ill, i dont feel as i used to around kids anymore it makes me so so sad i just wanna go back to being normal as im sure you do!!I am here for you if you need mexxx

Sun Mar 27 2011 21:40:10 #
VIOLET
Member

Don't worry - it will all be OK, you´ll see. I don't have that problem any more. But it does sound like you need to talk to someone. The doctor may be right person - or be able to refer you to the right person. All my love!

Mon Mar 28 2011 11:47:45 #
mrsdoubt
Member

I have.... I just feel terrible!

Thu Mar 31 2011 3:16:12 #
Ratwomble
Member

Dear mrsdoubt

I take it you mean that you have spoken to the doctor. Brilliant! I remember that it took a lot for me to admit how I was thinking to a doctor. I thought he would be dismissive.

So congrats on taking the first step.

David

Thu Mar 31 2011 5:01:57 #
VIOLET
Member

Dear Mrs Doubt,
As you may have read I´m having a lot of trouble at the moment and am forced by my stupid OCD to stop using my computer (and thus the forum). But I just wanted to pop back in one last time to see how you were doing. Well done for seeking help. My words of advice would be that you should not be afraid of going back (presumably to the doctor) as many times as necessary for support. Also, I´ve learned that this forum is full of kind and sensible people who can help. Good luck and all my love, Charlotte (aka Violet)

Fri Apr 1 2011 15:20:10 #