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OCD really has me stressed and full of anxiety tonight

(33 posts) (10 voices)

Started 2 years ago by Rena32
Latest reply from Truddles
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Rena32
Member

Hi Everyone, my OCD for some reason seems to get worse in the evening hours, it has been really bad tonight, with pounding heart, intense fear and worry. I worry alot that people will forget important things, or that they will intentionally do something to hurt my feelings. I am very suspicious of people, and find it hard to put my trust in people. Does anyone else have this problem? I was doing fine until tonight, and all of a sudden intense worry about many things hit me, and I am having a hard time trying to over come it. It seems like sometimes the only time my mind is completely free of fear is when I am asleep. I have not been sleeping well, and I know that I do function better with my OCD, if I get the proper rest I need.

Tue Jan 26 2010 3:36:04 #
swan
Member

I can feel worse at night, i hve been awake since 1am and having difficulty sleeping as thoughts going round in my head. The last few days my sleeping pattern has been worse.

Tue Jan 26 2010 3:46:13 #
aishah
Member

Hi Rena, I am sorry you are feeling bad tonight. I can empathise as I am also very anxious at th moment. I also worry intensely sometimes and it leaves me a shaking wreck. I am planning to listen to a relaxation cd soon to see if that calms me. Have you got anything like that that you could try?

Best Wishes

Bridget

Tue Jan 26 2010 8:44:52 #
Rena32
Member

Hi Aishah, no, I don't have a relaxing CD to listen to, but since you mentioned it, I think I will get one, It sounds like a great idea, thanks for the tip, I will try that. I woke this morning feeling much better, and tonight, I have no anxiety. I hope that you are feeling better as well.

Wed Jan 27 2010 5:36:38 #
Unregistered

Yes my OCD is usually much worse at night as well. It's very frustrating at times because it makes it hard to settle down at night. Hang in there. Are your symptoms primarily what you just listed? about what other people may or may not do?

Fri Jan 29 2010 21:21:48 #
Truddles
Member

Hi NikiAnn,

Welcome to the forum.

I agree when OCD is worse at night it makes sleeping extremely difficult.

Trudy

Fri Jan 29 2010 21:39:14 #
Unregistered

Hi all - and welcome to the forum NikiAnn

Evenings and nights are the worst time for my OCD. I have not had a full night's sleep in years. I wake up up to 7 times a night and sometimes lie awake for hours. It is terribly frustrating but if you worry about it you just get worse. I think it is all those thoughts flooding through our minds. Nowadays I think every minute of the day. It would be lovely to be able to switch off and get a break from it.

I sympathise with you all. This is one of the most frustrating symptons of the illness.

Anne
xx

Fri Jan 29 2010 22:32:35 #
Unregistered

ps if you can't sleep there is the largest full moon of 2010 out there on show (the wolf moon) with Mars next to it. It is well worth taking a peak if you can stand the cold.

Fri Jan 29 2010 22:49:17 #
Rena32
Member

Hi NikiAnn, No my symptoms go way beyond what I listed, I check doors, plugs, light switches. Sometimes, I will have a fear of one thing, and it may last a while only to be replaced with a new fear. I worry alot, about everything, mostly stuff normal people would not think twice about, and 99 percent of it is OCD related symptoms. By the way, welcome to the forum. It is a great place, that offers alot of support.

Sat Jan 30 2010 4:59:02 #
Unregistered

Hi Rena
Sorry we haven't met yet as I have been off the forum trying to catch up with my reading and CBT work.

My compulsions revolve around checking and ruminating. I have largely got the checking under control. I used to check my clothes for contamination and when I was at my worst this would go on all day long as I was never satisfied and had to start again. I used to watch my washing machine for the full cycle to ensure it washed my clothes properly. I also checked drains I walked past to see that the lids were on. I still do this with the ones in my garden before I can go out of my front door and if I am hassled in this process I get very very anxious. I check the doors several times a day too. On top of this the thoughts are there all the time trying to catch me out.

I really sympathise with you Rena. It is such a distressing condition. But a combination of reading and CBT can help a lot. I have a lot of control over my OCD after three months of CBT but there are long held compulsions coming out of the woodwork everyday.

All the very best for your recovery
Anne x

Sat Jan 30 2010 9:04:47 #
Unregistered

Thank you for welcoming me I think most people with OCD have changes in their symptoms over time. One obsession or compulsion kind of morphs into another especially if you have been suffering from the disease for a long time. I know for me, the compulsions I had as a teenager are no longer there instead new ones have developed.

Sat Jan 30 2010 15:53:44 #
Unregistered

p.s. in terms of anxiety at night, I find a cup of tea helps and sometimes I have a heating pad just to relax my muscles from the tension the anxiety causes. I am sure anyone who suffers from OCD knows about the physical affects it has on your body sometimes. My muscles tense up so much at night it is often painful.

Sat Jan 30 2010 15:56:32 #
Unregistered

So do mine Nikiann

I will try your remedies. Thanks.

Sat Jan 30 2010 16:45:55 #
Johnny
Member

Hello
Yes I can identify with your OCD being worse in the evening. Generally my OCD doesn't discriminate at which time of day it strikes. But you mentioning the evening as being a particular time of high anxiety does sound familiar. Sometimes if I feel really bad through OCD, I have to write things down, like in a diary or journal in order to collect my thoughts. Very often I will also go to bed, because my OCD doesn't find me in my sleep.

John

Sat Jan 30 2010 19:43:29 #
Unregistered

I agree with you Johnny. I often sleep to avoid my OCD as well

Sat Jan 30 2010 19:58:05 #
Truddles
Member

Unfortunately aside from the rituals that I have to do in order to do the laundry (OCD creates so much laundry doesn't it?) my worst rituals surround going to bed and so as the evening progresses I become more and more anxious.

I long to be able to say 'Right I'm tired so I'm going to bed.' and to then be able to brush my teeth, go to the loo, change into my night attire and flop into bed. Instead it takes about 2 hours of rituals to get to the point where I can go to bed, by then I'm wide awake again. Even then I can't completely escape the OCD as it gives me nightmares.

Trudy

Sat Jan 30 2010 20:08:31 #
Unregistered

I'm with you there Truddles, getting ready for bed is a pain for me as well, although I have managed to cut down on some of my rituals. I usually have to wash my hands a lot in between every thing I do, and I used to wash my arms as well, which was annoying because I can't use towels, so I had to flap around for ages trying to dry them. One of the worst things about going to bed is a kind of system I have where I have to change my bed t-shirt after saying good night to my parents because they sort of hug me, so I can wear a "clean" t-shirt in bed. Then when I get up I have to change into the t-shirt that my parents saw me wearing when I went to bed so they don't know I changed. Silly I know. Especially as I believe my bed to be contaminated anyway, but somehow I differentiate in my mind between the germs that come from my parents hugging me, and the ones that are in my bed.

P.S. Welcome to anyone who I haven't welcomed yet. Sorry if I missed you.

Mon Feb 1 2010 21:27:07 #
Truddles
Member

Wish I could cut down on the bedtime rituals, it's getting to the point where it'll be time to get up before I can actually get into bed. Still that would save on a lot of the laundry if I never actually went to bed

Mon Feb 1 2010 23:11:51 #
Rena32
Member

Hi All, I don't suffer from contamination fears. I had an obsession once with touching raw meat, and I would bleach the counters down, and wash my hands over and over, but that passed. I never really had contamination fears since that. I remember reading that using anti bacterial soap can actually cause more harm than good where bacteria is concerned, so I limit my use of it. My obsessions tend to be more with lights being off, unplugging everything,and my need to constantly be reasurred that I did something right, like checking documents over and over for mistakes, I also hoard receipts, and useless papers. I used to have a counting obsession that lasted for years, where I would touch things, a number of 8 times,and if interuppted, I would start the whole process over again, until I got it right, but that to passed, and I moved on to something else. It is like I have an obsession of some sort for a while and then move on to something new to obsess about. Anyone else do this? My main symptoms of OCD now are worries, about WHAT IF? I will come home from work and sit and replay the days events over in my mind, looking for some sort of mistake I could of made or looking for something that I forgot to do, or should of done. It takes me a while to leave for work in the mornings because I come back in the house several times to see if everything is turned off. The bad thing about it is, I know I turned everything off, but still check again anyway.

Tue Feb 2 2010 4:37:30 #
Truddles
Member

Rena,

I can relate to so much of what you say as I too experience those things. Some of my obsessions and compulsions have remained the same whilst others either evolve or change completely. The 'What if?' syndrome is such a time waster isn't it and it's one thing I definitely haven't learnt to control.

Given time perhaps I will get control of the OCD, I try to live in hope.

Tue Feb 2 2010 11:49:57 #
poppyfields
Member

Oh my goodness, you're all like me!! I thought i was alone in my ritualistic getting to bed routine. I have to wash from head to toe and then can't touch anything with my body but have to make sure the bath is cleaned out and shining again and my slippers clean and fresh from the washing machine and countless washing of hands and bits of loo roll as i can't touch my towel again. Backwards and forwards until i'm ready to get into bed. Please mobile don't go off because i'm ready to jump into bed and i don't want to have to wash my hands any more. Let me get to bed for a rest from it all, that is until i need a wee and have to touch the light switch and wash my hands before i can go to pee and then again after i pee and please pray i don't touch the wall on my way back to bed aaaaaaaaaaaaaargh Poppy

Thu Feb 4 2010 19:01:26 #
Unregistered

Hi Poppy,
I know this is the wicked, never to be considered "avoidance" but I have found it helps to have either a plug-in nightlight between the bedroom and toilet or an extension socket with a little red light which just gives out enough light to get from the bed to the toilet and back. In the dark you can see with just a tiny glow. Perhaps I'm fortunate because I don't have to have everything electrical turned off but it has enabled me to go to the loo in the night very carefully without touching anything except the loo roll and without washing my hands at all. It means that I can put hand cream on my dry flaking skin once I am in bed and not have to wash it off during the night. If I touch the doorframe with my nightdress on the way I don't like it but I can get back into bed without having to wash the doorframe. I know just how you feel - you are not alone, far from it, Joyce

Thu Feb 4 2010 20:54:50 #
Truddles
Member

So I'm not alone with the bed time rituals. They drive me nuts as they take so long. Any longer and I'll be getting up before I go to bed

I dread needing the loo during the night as once I'm in bed I'm petrified of having to get out again or I have to perform the rituals again before I could get back into bed and that includes showering

Poppy, I too can't touch anything like the phone once I'm all clean and in bed, though have got round that one to a certain degree - I keep baby wipes by the bed. And now find I can also read a magazine before sleep if I wipe my hands with a baby wipe before I settle and have to put my hands under the duvet. I reason if they're safe enough for a baby's bottom then they must be safe enough for me (I think )

Joyce, Although I've graduated to baby wipes much as my hands need it, I couldn't possibly wear hand cream in bed. I don't like touching anything with hand cream on I have to wash it off first
Also if I was to touch the door frame with my nightdress it wouldn't be the door frame I'd have to wash it would be the nightdress that would need washing.

Without the complex bedtime rituals I wouldn't get any sleep let alone the 2-3 hours that I do get.

Mind you I don't know about you all but the bed time rituals are so complex they're almost an art form Wonder if I can get an arts council grant?

Trudy

Thu Feb 4 2010 21:29:03 #
poppyfields
Member

Joyce & Truddles, you don't know what it's meant having you tell me about your fears at nighttime too. For so many years i've felt all alone and monstrous because of it. I was only diagnosed 5 years ago when i got to the point of having a mental breakdown - very sad story and so although pleased as punch at first, to know i wasn't mad or a bad person, now just wish i'd never heard of ocd, much less having to live alongsid it. Truddles, i'm with you on the nightdress and the plug in light Joyce sounds a bloody marvellous idea. Why have i never thought of that - doh! I went through a period, maybe a year or more after CBT of getting into bed without showering - i now just don't know how i did it but for a year i only showered once maybe twice a week - it's not normal behaviour i know and according to my therapist, i was still ruled by ocd whilst not doing the rituals!! eh. It's all so blasted complex but guys to know i'm not alone in my fears is just so (insert word as can't think of one) that happens when trying to explain ocd - no words ever convey what we really feel do they. Thank you guys, i'm so glad i found you. Pops

Fri Feb 5 2010 10:13:01 #
Unregistered

Hi Pops and Trudy
I always thought my thought processes were so logical, just happening so fast and taken to extremes and what this has made me realise is that we all feel the same but our thoughts land us up at different destinations.
I can understand Trudy how you couldn't go to bed with hand cream on. Once my clean nightdress gets into bed with me it immediately becomes contaminated, but that doesn't bother me because I know it will be washed in the morning so it doesn't bother me if I touch it with hand cream on - and because the sheets are on the contaminated list I can touch them too - but, how I would love to be able to take a book to bed but I can't because if it touches the contaminated sheets it will then be contaminated. And books are difficult to wash - and magazines near impossible. Trudy I can't use hand cream in the day except when I am out when it doesn't worry me touching things - but once I get home I have to totally decontaminate myself. So if I go out more than once a day it means another washload.
As you say Poppy, it's all so complex and we are all prisoners of our own OCD. I now realise why I don't have the complicated bedtime rituals because my mind has placed me and the bed on the contaminated list but this means I am unable to do other things which you can.
I think your therapist is right about being ruled by the OCD even if we can overcome the rituals because it just mutates onto something else.
I had my first breakdown over 40 years ago when SSRIs and CBT were unknown so I don't know if CBT would have helped. But as you say Poppy it's a huge relief to be able to share your feelings with others and to know you are not alone. Things are a lot better for us than they were for the previous generation of sufferers and even I remember padded cells, frontal lobotomys, being shut in a cell and fed through a sliding hatch, told it was all caused by my potty training and fear of faeces, penis envy - what a load of old cobblers.
And for the present and future generations there is every hope.
Take care, Joyce

Fri Feb 5 2010 11:01:05 #
Truddles
Member

Joyce,

I couldn't at the moment take a book to bed only a magazine and even then I have to keep it in a bag until I read it in case I contaminate it And I'm the reverse to you in as much as my bed isn't contaminated hence my rituals so I don't contaminate it when I get into bed. Strange isn't it how we are so similar and yet so different.

If I wear hand cream indoors I have to wash my hands before I can touch anything, but I'm ok wearing it when I'm out. I just have to wipe the excess off so hands not slippery

My therapist says that what we do is logical but only if it were true that things were contaminated, we just can't see that things are not contaminated to the extent that OCD would have us believe.

Imagine the horrors of being in a padded cell if you've got contamination OCD, it must have been horrific. Thank goodness times have changed or I'd have been in one long enough ago

Fri Feb 5 2010 12:20:27 #
poppyfields
Member

Joyce & Truddles, well i'm with you Truddles on the bed being uncontaminated and hence being quite unable to take a book or magazine to bed and having to be oh so careful not to contaminate myself from walls or light switches or loo flushing before getting in. While i had a family and undiagnosed ocd which was getting worse and worse, i remember wiping and washing every single thing that came into the house and by that - i do mean everything. I have danged a brand new iron out of a box by the flex to clean it under the tap over the bath and much washing of hands before beng able to touch the iron and then get to the flex. The fact that when i went to do the ironing and it hissed at me, didn't matter one little jot, it was not the important issue in my life!!! I washed my son's lps and sleeves and photos and every single thing you can imagine. Shoes went into the wash all the time and i was forever trying to get things dry again before the family came home to see what i'd done. What a total nightmare. We know it's wrong thinking and ridiculous, even when it seems totally logical, how do we cope? well for me, i do what i have to and try not to give myself a bad time over it and if i manage to beat one thing, i celebrate (even though i know full well, it will go somewhere else instead) grrrr what a silly useless waste of our energy and time - whew.

Joyce, i've washed magazines, held them under running water and then let them dry on the central heating. My family always wondered why magazines came all shrivelled up and curly!! If they came pre wrapped in celephane, then i would just flannel wash the outsides with maybe three clean flannells. It would still curl but it could come into my completely uncontaminated house. Outside the whole world was contaminated and i could read a magazine to my hearts content, as long as i didn't take it into my home. When i got indoors i had to completely strip off, change slippers, shower, the works. Sooo much washing and prolific use of loo rolls, taken out of the wrapper by opening the pack first and then washing hands before touching the loo rolls and leaving at least one in every room, ready to dust with aaaargh I drive myself nuts with it all.

Are either of you married? Have you known about your ocd for long and are you taking medication? I hope you don't mind my asking you all these questions and putting my penneth in...........Poppy

Fri Feb 5 2010 18:33:32 #
Unregistered

Sorry to cut in, but you sound a lot like me poppy, I wash all sorts of things too. Well, I used to anyway, I try not to now, but sometimes I give in still. I've washed paper before and dried it with a hairdrier afterwards. I once washed a load of notes I did at school that were very important and the ink rather ran but luckily I could still read them. Someone asked me why they had gotten so wet and I had to lie about something to do with a puddle. I broke my mobile a few months ago by trying to wash it. I'd done it many times before but that time I dropped it into a bowl of water. I had a tough time explaining that one.

Often now I just "let" things be "contaminated", but that usually means I want to wash my hands more after touching them.

Fri Feb 5 2010 19:01:21 #
Truddles
Member

Hi Helz,

You're not cutting in - it's good to hear from you.

I've done that broken a mobile by washing it too much, they don't take us into account when making these things do I?

Trudy

Fri Feb 5 2010 19:39:16 #
Unregistered

Haha, no, they should be water resistant... Or germ resistant. I sometimes wish that everything was germ resistant, but then I remember that we do need germs.

Fri Feb 5 2010 19:41:09 #

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