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OCD about my girlfriend :(

(5 posts) (2 voices)
  • Started 4 months ago by Sappy
  • Latest reply from Sappy
  • This topic is Not a support question
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    Sappy
    Member

    Hi

    My OCD volves around doubting everything I feel, I suffer so much...now I have a girlfriend and guess what? Now I doubt about her too! I love being with her, but I usually think stuff like "maybe I don't love her" or "maybe I'm doing the wrong thing". The thing is that she loves me a lot and I don't want to hurt her in any way, so I obviously start getting worried and thinking about these things Yesterday I spent the day with her and I loved it, today I woke up more depressed and when I saw her at school it was like I didn't feel the same way...I started thnking "Maybe I don't like her. But I want to be with her, I dont want to break up with her! But what if I don't? I don't want to hurt her, but I also don't want to break up with her!" My medication ended like one week ago, I bought it today so I haven't taken it, can't wait to start the treatment again and see if I get better the thing is that I don't even know what's guilt and what's OCD. Maybe I don't like her, even though I don't want to break up with her either...I love being with her...help I'm also in a psychologist, she said that I might love her, but everytime I have the tiniest doubt I give it too much value, but even with an hour of explanation and trying to help I still feel the same...
    Good thing I found this Forum, OCD has been aa big part of my life since I was 11, maybe you can help me solving my problems easier

    Wed Jan 11 2012 16:05:12 #
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    Sappy
    Member

    By the way, can some administrator move this to the teen section?

    Wed Jan 11 2012 16:45:35 #
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    Mike
    Member

    Bruno,

    This is a very common OCD topic, and I had suffered with relationship-oriented OCD as well. The way I overcame it was ERP therapy, which is the most proven therapy for OCD, and you don't have to deal with side effects the way you do with medications. What is happening is that OCD has targeted the fear of not loving your girlfriend, not loving her enough, etc. Your mind is unable to deal with the sheer possibility of these things being true, which is what OCD is all about. Since just the POSSIBILITY makes you so scared, you begin to obsess and worry about it and feel the need to perform compulsions to reassure yourself that it's not true. So even in the absence of any evidence that it's true, you're STILL terrified of it constantly.

    The reason your therapy is not working is because no matter how much reassurance you, or someone else, gives yourself, the OCD will never be satisfied. The OCD will only be satisfied if you can prove 100% that you love your girlfriend enough, but proving anything 100% is impossible. Therefore, the way to treat OCD is not to give reassurance (which is just a form of compulsion) but to expose oneself to his/her fears so that they became less scared of them. Your goal should be to train your mind to accept the possibility that you don't love your girlfriend. Notice that this does not mean that you actually BELIEVE it, but just that you acknowledge and accept that it's POSSIBLE. Once you can think in this way (which is the way your mind works for every topic except the topics the OCD targets) your anxiety will decrease markedly, and you will be able to continue your relationship with your girlfriend largely anxiety- and guilt-free. And the way to accomplish this is ERP therapy.

    Some people say they have benefited from various cognitive therapies, but there are many types out there and ERP is more proven in peer-reviewed studies. Ideally you should find a therapist that is trained in both cognitive and behavioral (ERP) therapies, which is known as CBT.

    -Mike

    Wed Jan 11 2012 19:53:25 #
  4. Avatar Image

    Sappy
    Member

    Thanks for the reply!
    Well, I only had 3 appointments with my psychologist thus far and haven't been taking medication for a week, so maybe I'll get better About training my mind to believe that it' a possibility, I don't know if I can handle that type of thought, I would get with anxiety even more I think

    Wed Jan 11 2012 20:35:44 #
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    Mike
    Member

    Yes, that's the point. It will make you more anxious at first - that's what happens when you confront your fears. But if you do it enough you will habituate and the anxiety will be reduced to lower levels than ever before.

    Thu Jan 12 2012 2:19:45 #
  6. Avatar Image

    Sappy
    Member

    Thanks Mike. It actually worked for some time but after a few days the same pain I felt before came back and now I feel really depressed, especially about another obssessive thought that relates to her

    Tue Feb 21 2012 4:56:02 #

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