OCD Action

Olorin
Member

Hello, I'm new to this forum and this site. It was recommended to me by a psychologist whom i saw for the first time today. I have always worried about things since being a child and had always thought it was just part of who i am, a "natural born worrier" as i have told myself in the past. I've usually had a handle on it to the point where it doesn't really affect my life too much.

But recently my worries increased and stemmed from things that morally i completely detest, things such as being worried i would blurt insulting and offending things out to people in my office. I also have intrusive thoughts that i might harm people i love more than anything in the world. I don't so much have compulsions though have been known to check the door/plugs a few time in the past, but this has never really been an issue as i was able to let it go, nor do i have too many issues with thoughts of becoming contaminated. so i wondered if many other people suffered just with intrusive thoughts or worries of losing control?

I had recently got a new job and my psychologist believes the stresses of over working myself trying to impress wore me down to a point where my worries started to consume me. I'm now at a point where i'm incredibly tired and exhausted all the time and i get mood swings and depression.

I wondered whether anybody else here had a similar story where over stressing themselves brought out this horrid condition in themselves?

thanks

Fri Jan 22 2010 14:07:46 #
Unregistered

Welcome to the forum, Olorin,

I would imagine there are many people who suffer as you do, with intrusive thoughts without compulsions. There are several who have written on the forum and hopefully they will reply to your message. I actually suspect there may be more suffering a fear of harming others, or similar intrusive thoughts, than contamination or checking obsessions. I find it easy to tell others about a fear of contamination, but I used to be incredibly secretive about other intrusive thoughts.

I have experienced these kinds of symptoms in the past, but I have crossed over to obsessing about contamination. I do know that although I appeared less disturbed by my OCD back then, I was actually suffering terribly.

It does sound as if the additional stress has brought upon the deterioration. We never react well to stress. Hopefully with the help you are receiving and support from the board this period will be short-lived.

Best wishes, Tricia.

Fri Jan 22 2010 14:40:25 #
Olorin
Member

Hi Tricia, wow, thanks for the quick reply, i've been looking around the forum and it seems like a really great community of people supporting one another.

I guess i was working too hard and it brought this part of me to the fore. I've been reading a book called overcoming OCD by David Veale and Rob Wilson. I am finding it useful, but i worry (there's that word again) of picking other symtoms up from reading about them.

In the past i've been able to overcome my thoughts too and lead a relatively normal life. But for three months now i've been slipping deeper and deeper. The nhs can't have anyone see me until the beginning of march so i've been paying for private therapists (and i don't earn much) I really don't want this to take control of my life. I have a beautiful girlfriend, and the job i got i had been after for years. Hopefully with the therapy i'm having i can turn back into the fun person i used to be, i miss going to the cinema and going out places

Thanks again for your kind words

Fri Jan 22 2010 15:38:15 #
Unregistered

It's a very good book. I know what you mean, though, about picking up other symptoms. I'm in a rush but will write again tomorrow! I'm sure others will also have replied by then.

Tricia x

Fri Jan 22 2010 15:50:22 #
Unregistered

Dear Olorin, I just wanted to say that although I understand concerns of developing new obsessions by reading about them, I think this happens rarely. My GP had other views, and when I enquired, many years ago, about local OCD groups, he informed me there was one but he didn’t want me attending it, because he felt OCD sufferers add to their obsessions by meeting with others. I never went to the group, but I have spoken to hundreds of people with OCD since then, and I have yet to develop an obsession that someone has spoken about. I am unaware of this happening to any of my friends, either.

I wouldn’t think your psychologist has such concerns, either, otherwise he would not have suggested that you join us here.

In Judith Rapoport’s book on OCD, she discusses the hereditary nature of this condition. It could be argued that as a parent and child often suffer the illness, it might be a learned behaviour. However, Judith Rapoport points out that symptoms of a parent invariably differ from those of a child. This strongly indicates that the condition is hereditary and we develop our own individual obsessions.

Tricia x

Sat Jan 23 2010 15:08:10 #
Truddles
Member

Hi Olorin,

Welcome to the forum.

I don't believe that we pick up other symptoms by reading about them or talking to others. I personally think that when we read about them, it makes us more aware of the true extent of our own OCD symptoms. For many of us a lot of what we do we've done for so long that we are no longer aware that we do it, we do it as a matter of routine. When that particular obsession or compulsion is then brought to our attention by others, we then realise that it is something that we also do.

We become good at hiding our obsessions and compulsions not only from others but also from ourselves.

Trudyx

Sat Jan 23 2010 15:33:05 #
Unregistered

Hi, welcome. I'm afraid I don't really have anything useful to add to this discussion, I wish I could be of more help. For now, I hope you can just accept my empathy as a fellow sufferer.

Sat Jan 23 2010 18:45:53 #
Unregistered

Hello Olorin
From what you describe it does sound as though you have OCD although don't let that worry you because it may be mild and easily controlled. I don't suffer from intrusive thoughts myself, my problems are centred around contamination but I know others with similar symptoms to yourself. It's important to realise that however worrying or frightening the thoughts are you will never act on them, in fact it is because they are so abhorrent to you that they are troubling you. In my experience OCD becomes worse if you are tired or stressed and I think your psychologist is spot on.
Starting a new job is always stressful and perhaps you are trying too hard. Maybe you should ease off a bit, if you have a tendency to OCD you will very likely be extremely hardworking, conscientious and accurate in your work so there is no need to try to impress, just be yourself and work at a pace which feels right for you. I used to push myself at work to get more and more done and the harder I worked the more was expected of me.
When you are not at work you need to take time out for yourself to relax and enjoy yourself and make sure you get enough sleep, that is really important.
If the mood swings and depression are really bad I would suggest you have a word with your GP. Medication can be a very useful tool to help you come through this. Joyce

Sat Jan 23 2010 19:11:26 #
Olorin
Member

Hello everyone, thanks again for making me feel so welcome, you all seem like incredibly strong lovely people.

I had a bad day yesterday and actually broke down at work, My boss was incredibly sympathetic as i informed him of the condition as soon as it was diagnosed. The stresses of always feeling like i have to be in control in case i blurt something out (which is currently my main fear) are really wearing me down. My girlfriend has been wonderful to me as i have been constantly in fear of loosing her but she reassured me last night by saying we fight it together.

I have been thinking about medication as a way of just giving myself a break from it, rather than just fighting with cbt.

yes sleep is very important and in the lead up to this break out of my symptoms i was waking up 3 times a night and suffering horrid nightmares. I'm now sleeping more, which is great as i enjoy me sleep lol

I think you could be right about the not picking up other symptoms, maybe i was worrying on it too much. i don't really have fears of contamination or anything like that, it's all more about loosing control than anything else, i'm very moral as a person so the thought of saying something terrible to somebody is appalling to me :-s

Anyway, thanks for the support and if i can help any of you in anyway please feel free to let me know

David

Sun Jan 24 2010 13:45:53 #
Truddles
Member

Hi David,

I'm so pleased to hear that your boss was so sympathetic, it must be a weight off your mind having his support. Knowing that your girlfriend is going to fight the OCD with you will also take a lot of the pressure off you wont it?

Sleeping better will also help you to cope with the OCD.

Trudy

Sun Jan 24 2010 13:52:41 #
Unregistered

Dear David, I have read that it’s unheard of for someone with intrusive thoughts of harm etc to ever put their thoughts into action. I know that’s of comfort to a lot of people with OCD.

My main obsession now is of contamination, as I’ve mentioned, but I’ve experienced a whole range of obsessions through the years.

Like you, I have fears of blurting out inappropriate words. I stopped going to church because I was convinced I’d shout out blasphemous words. My vicar assured me I wouldn’t, and I attempted to go again, but then the contamination fears worsened and it all became too much. I spent two years trying to overcome the contamination fears and I discovered that whenever I was in a crowded place (something I had avoided for a long time because of my contamination fears) especially when it was quiet, like at a classical concert, during certain passages, the obsession that I would shout out certain words resurfaced. I know many people with OCD who fear they will do this. I never have, and no-one I know has either.

One form of therapy, called paradoxical intention, encourages us to exaggerate our symptoms and to behave in the most inappropriate and outrageous way. It’s impossible to do and there’s also an element of humour, especially when accompanied by a therapist. For example, he may instruct us to shout out the worst obscenities we can think of, when in the middle of a busy shop.

I refer to this symptom as my ‘Tourette’s’, but it is far removed from those with Tourette’s, because our inappropriate thoughts remain as just thoughts.

Love, Tricia.

Sun Jan 24 2010 14:28:53 #
Unregistered

P.S. Medication is worth considering, it makes so much difference to some of us. One side-effect that I found difficult to deal with was a disruption to my sleep. I don’t think everyone is affected in this way, and often it’s a side-effect that’s short-lived.

Sun Jan 24 2010 14:33:03 #
IamFree
Member

i agree fully that stress and exhaustion brings about your intrusive thoughts. the thoughts are really stress symptoms. i assue you you'll be fine. slowly it will dissipate. i understand your fear of harming others. a thought like that sent me into panic attacks and a year of intrusive thoughts. i was exhausted. its like my mind took a vacation and decided to distract me with everything i feared most. you can check out the steps i took to recovery at (link temporarliy removed. Caps)

Mon Feb 1 2010 23:43:34 #
Cuthbert ffoliott
Member

Hi David -

I would agree with the above comments. A 'new' form of OCD is very rarely picked up in a therapy group, by talking about it; perhaps the rare cases where that happens is when it was already laying dormant within a person.

There is also this: there is mounting scientific evidence that different 'dimensions' of the disorder (checking, washing, hoarding) are located within different brain regions. So it is hard to believe that a hoarder suddenly becomes a washer too simply by talking to one; at least from a neuroanatomical viewpoint.

Finally: there is no risk that you will realize your fears of insulting others. The fact that you have those fears points towards an overactive formation of guilt ideas in your mind. Guilty, sensitive people don't do what they fear so much. A 'real insulter' is the typical bully, the person with a lack of guilt or conscience; he just shouts out and enjoys the effects of his sordid behaviour on others. He knows no shame.

Hope this helps, and hey: welcome here!

Cuthbert.

Tue Feb 2 2010 8:31:36 #
kev79
Member

Hello Olorin i have had intrusive thoughts in past and recentley so i know how you feel

Sun Feb 7 2010 13:48:37 #
freddy
Member

Hi Orolin,

I am new to this site but after reading your post I felt I had to reply. As a child, I was a worrier and like you put it down to who I am, but my worries escalted after my marriage broke down and at a time when I was under a lot of pressure at work and in my home life. I rented out my flat and I used to think something terrible would happen to the tennants and that it would be my fault. My fears are of being responsible for something terrible happening or fear of harming others because of not being careful enough (not putting salt on a pathway during snowy weather and someone slipping over type of thought. (Sounds silly when you read it back but to me it's hugh).

I really believe that all my problems root back to when I split up with my husband. I believed it was my fault and that thought has taken root in my head and escalted over the years.

I hope this makes a bit of sense to you because as soon as I read your post, I could relate to what you were talking about.

Regards,
Freddy

Tue Feb 9 2010 20:45:55 #
kev79
Member

my thoughts have only come on since i had traumatic experience when i came within minutes of loosing my mum.

speak soon room

kev

Sun Feb 14 2010 20:11:12 #