OCD Action

summer10
Member

Today I realised my BDD has gotten out of control. I have recently moved city and enrolled in the nearest gym, where this morning when I arrived I got asked by the guy behind the counter to have my photo taken. I said it was not an appropriate time to have a photo and could I have it next time? - I avoid having my photo taken at all costs. He said he wouldn’t let me into the gym without a photo and I just snapped I know I would have looked crazy. I tried the gym but I was too distracted by the fact that on the system was going to be a terrible photo of me in a computer system for people to see every time I was to enter into the gym. I left early, went home and cried, had another shower (The second in less than 2 hours) and have been in a depressed state since.

I have had suspicions of a disorder for a while. I have very low self esteem, and have no confidence in anything. Most people I know assume this is due to my shyness, but I feel this is more than that. I wear thick make-up all the time and will not left the house if my makeup is not right, or I have run out etc. I shower obsessively, and again will not leave the house without one. I am on a course of oral and topical antibiotics as I requested so from my doctor as I have acne on my chin. He won’t refer me to a dermatologist as he says it’s not serious enough, which just leaves me frustrated. I have had serious skin reactions to over using products. I obsessively look at plastic surgery websites and have a wish list of certain procedures if I had the money. I occasionally use sun beds, as I feel I am terribly pale compared to most people.

Sometimes I have a flash of reality- in which makes me think I do not have BDD. For example, I diet and use pills I buy from the internet to lose weight, even though sometimes I am aware that at 5'6' and weighing 9 stones, this is perhaps ridiculous.

This is just a very basic overview of my behaviour. I have looked at websites and I match almost every "tick box". My question to people today is how have you gone about seeking help for your condition. I currently live in North Wales, and there doesn’t seem to be any support groups that I can find. I am too scared to see my GP as I feel nobody takes me seriously. BUT today I have, had enough. I can’t avoid these situations anymore and as I’m back at Uni (at 23) I feel I am missing out when I don’t go out with my friends, and spend all my money on the latest skin treatment, or make-up range. Also perhaps there are people out there that have self-helped themselves instead of seeking medical help. What tips have you used, or books do you recommend. Amy help will be most appreciated and thanks in advance.

Wed Nov 16 2011 15:27:13 #
playthoseblues
Member

Hi Summer,

I don't have BDD, I have OCD, but welcome to the forums

There are other people here that can help, but HI!

Jon

Wed Nov 16 2011 17:38:43 #
Wombat140
Member

Occasionally seeing that what you're doing is ridiculous (without necessarily managing to act on it) is standard for OCD. The OCDAction factsheet on BDD (here) suggests that BDD is often the same.
Sorry about the gym incident, how embarrassing!
5'6" and 9st corresponds to a Body Mass Index of 20, very slightly below normal - so yes, it is ridiculous. Stick to that thought. You're just right.
Good luck!
Wombat140

Wed Nov 16 2011 19:29:28 #
Tess
Member

Hi Summer
Welcome to the forum. I don't have BDD but one of the ladies in our support group suffers with it and from what you write I am not convinced your problem is BDD, it sounds to me more like crippling shyness and lack of self esteem and self confidence. However, I do think you need to address it as taking diet pills unnecessarily and antibiotics for minor acne is not a good way to deal with the problem.
BDD is a very serious disorder, the lady I spoke of is similar in height to you but has fought a massive battle with food because even at 5 stone she felt she was obese, she has aged her bones by the equivalent of 60 years. She is beautiful but believes she is horrendously ugly and if you pay her a compliment about her looks she goes into panic. This is BDD, admittedly in it's worst form, but if you do have BDD it is not yet serious and therefore would very probably respond well to treatment.
You say you cannot face going to see your GP for fear that you will not be taken seriously so I suggest you change your GP, your physical symptoms may be minor but your level of distress certainly isn't and you need to talk about how you are feeling. You are comparing yourself unfavourably with others - this is not what BDD is all about, BDD is a brain condition in which your mind distorts the way you perceive your body.
I think you might benefit from a low dose of SSRI antdepressants which can be very effective for social anxiety as they relieve our natural inhibitions and if you have borderline BDD they might help with that too. But you need to open up to a medical practioner to be able to start any form of treatment. Remember it is no different to having a physical problem and you are willing to consider some very intrusive surgical procedures to try to help you feel better about yourself. You need to understand and believe that you are every bit as good as anyone else on this planet, once you have worked this out you will make progress.

Thu Nov 17 2011 10:01:15 #