OCD Action

Harri
Member

Hi,

I've not been confirmed as OCD by my doc (mainly as I refuse to go as I know he'll say I'm depressed again) but I think it's undeniably OCD that I have. I've always had stupid quirks ever since I was a child, such as curtains had to be shut certain way, no cups left in room overnight or had to be placed outside door in certain spot for example.

The last few months though things have got really bad and I'm having panic attacks now. My main problem is I have to keep checking doors are locked and if I don't check I feel faint and nauesous. But it's getting to the point where I can't leave my house as I have to keep on checking again and again.

I finally spoke to a works counselllor and we think we've identified the trigger so I know what I'm facing but it's just how to face it.

I don't want to go back on any medication, and I work wierd hours for an unforgiving place, so taking time off for counselling just ain't gonna happen!!!

What I was hoping for is to make friends with people in this predicament as well, just to speak to someone who understands. My partner thinks I'm mad and doesn't understand. My family are pretty much the same. I don't really have a close circle of friends either, so I pretty much have to deal with this on my own on a daily basis.

Sorry that I've waffled on, just really needed to get this out in the open, and really would like some words of advice!!

Thank you x

Tue Mar 23 2010 9:54:37 #
mama
Member

Harri,
You are certainly not alone, and you do not sound mad by what you describe here. Sounds just like OCD to me. The checking is very OCD. Fear of doctors is also common..have you described the checking to tthe doctor? At any rate, welcome to the forum...you are among friends.

Tue Mar 23 2010 10:14:32 #
Harri
Member

Hi mama,

Thank you I've resisted going to my docs so far as I've had a nervous breakdown ten years ago. Whenever I go to the docs about my headaches (suffer from migraines) they always refer back to my depression. I know what caused my depression, and those issues are not a factor in my life anymore, and I know what triggered my OCD. I am sure counselling would be the way to go, but it's just impossible getting time off work to go to counselling via my doc and I can't afford private counselling

Just hope that by talking to people on here that I can get to grips with it better/somehow as it really is getting in the way of things now, and I don't want it getting any worse. I want to go shopping now but I can feel my breathing getting tight just at the thought of leaving the house, so I probably won't go.

Tue Mar 23 2010 10:43:53 #
Cuthbert ffoliott
Moderator

Hiya Harri -

sounds like pretty classic OCD to me. The need for order, and the urge to check, hard symptoms. I am a checker myself, but taking paroxetine (an SSRI type of medicine, it drives up freely available serotonin in your brain, which is a messenger substance between nerve cells) helps very much. I can leave my apartment within a few minutes; it took hours a decade ago.

I can relate very well to your partner and family not being able to understand. I'd like to suggest the following: you might try to find an experienced therapist, and he/she could explain to those near to you what you actually are suffering from. That would help a great deal, inasmuch that you'd gain self-confidence, and probably feel less isolation. But, of course, and needless to say: that'd be up to you.

Don't hesitate to spill everything that is troubling you on this forum. It was made for that purpose.

Oh, and yes: WELCOME!

Ciao, Cuthbert.

Tue Mar 23 2010 11:49:35 #
Rena32
Member

Hi Harri, I understand how you feel, I have some of the same symptoms as you, and it can be overwhelming, especially the panic attacks. I used to have the cup problem myself, it eventually passed and my OCD moved on to another obsession. I also don't have anyone to talk to about my OCD except people here on this forum, I remember telling my Mom something was wrong when I was a child but she did not really pay any attention to me, she tried to make me think it was normal, but OCD is not normal, and nobody really understands it, unless they have it them selves. This forum has helped me more than anything else ever has, just being able to talk with people who really know what OCD is like. I wish I had found this forum years ago. I also don't like to leave the house either, because I know I will have to check, check, check before leaving. Very time consuming. I can say though my checking has come a long way, but it has been a hard fight to get to this point. Now, that I have learned to resist most compulsions, it is far easier than it once was, the more you resist the stronger your mind becomes. It may help if you made a little check list, and after you check the door once, then check it off your list, so you will have reassurance that you did indeed check it and that it was locked. OCD causes extreme doubt, and it causes us to not trust ourselves. I wish you the best and hope that having the support of everyone here to talk to will help you as much as it did me.

Wed Mar 24 2010 3:13:54 #
Blueskies
Member

Hi Harri, welcome to forum, as you can see you are not alone, lots of people to support each other.

Wed Mar 24 2010 9:48:13 #
Philbo
Member

Hi Harri,

I am so glad that there is someone else out there like me! I just want to be better and feel 'normal'. I did go to the doctor about 6/7 years ago and they did refer me and my family to a psychiatrist but it did no good, I felt he was patronising me and made out that I was making my symptoms up for attention - which I wasn't!! I feel very lost and unable to get help. Sometimes I feel like I have broken a ritual or obsessive thought but then I realise that another has taken its place. To be able to talk to other people with OCD is something I have never tried, don't know why! I have to work so hard all day to block out the disgusting thoughts that fill my head every waking moment and it is exhausting.

Sun Apr 11 2010 19:53:52 #
Truddles
Member

Hi Philbo,

Welcome to the forum.

I think many of us have had the same experience as you, that is seeking help only to be patronised and made to feel that we're making it up for attention. Personally if it was attention that I was seeking I could think of far better ways that didn't involve the humiliation I feel with regards to the sheer stupidity and futility of some of my obsessions and compulsions

I have had more help and certainly learnt more from fellow OCDers than from any of the professionals. It's great to be able to speak to others that are in the same boat. I assumed that many of the things that I either thought or did were unique to me, but since joining the forum I have found others with the same obsessions and compulsions. It was such a relief to find that it wasn't just me and more important to know that I wasn't alone.

It wears you down trying to cope with OCD 24/7.

Trudy

Sun Apr 11 2010 20:20:42 #
Monkey25
Member

Hi Hari, and everyone, its a relief to know that we have all experienced the same things. It is very hard as my partner is to 'logical' to understand and my parents would not want the pressure of knowing that i'm 'not happy' it was particually bad when my parents went on holiday as I had to get up an extra 10 mins early to make sure to perform my rituals of checking. I really do believe that OCD maybe hereditary as my parents have a big influence on it, how are you supposed to control it when they say 'remember to lock up the house well' how are there different ways to do that?!! Its hard, but you are not alone Hari and I am determined to not let this affect me, and I will try and offer any support to you too!
Monkey x

Tue Apr 13 2010 21:03:59 #
Truddles
Member

how are you supposed to control it when they say 'remember to lock up the house well' how are there different ways to do that?!!

Errr.......well I certainly wouldn't do what my therapist suggested and that is not to check, she also said that it didn't matter if I hadn't locked the door. My immediate thought was 'Well it might not matter to you, but I think my insurance company would beg to differ.' I had a look of pained surprise and politely ignored the suggestion.

Tue Apr 13 2010 21:44:19 #