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New here and wanting to share my OCD

(26 posts) (13 voices)

Started 1 year ago by Merlin21
Latest reply from Minette
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Merlin21
Member

Hi,

I am new to this site and after reading some of the posts I wanted to share how OCD is affecting me.

My OCD really started back in January/February this year, I picked up a nasty virus and since then my problems really started. After the virus left my system, it left me feeling anxious all the time, I kept and still do, keep getting a build up of adrenaline, the only thing that calms me down is either pacing up and down my flat or going for a walk in the fresh air.

Since I got the virus, it caused me to constantly wash my hands for fear of picking it up again. As well as the anxiety and OCD it has caused me to become emetophobic (fear of v*). I have lost 2 stone since this all began (I was a healthy weight before), if I am around anyone that is ill or has been ill, I will avoid them at all costs, otherwise I convince myself I will become ill, I can't touch door handles anywhere, I have so many routines that they are starting to take over my life. I have routines for cleaning my teeth, having a shower, getting dresses, everything has to be done in a specific way otherwise I fear bad things are going to happen to my family. For some reason the number 3 is significant to me (don't know why) in my routines I have to do everything 3 times. The skin on my hands is red, cracked and often bleeds due to the amount of times I wash my hands. I can't shake peoples hands, if I get change from a shop it instantly has to be sanitsed. Everything has its place and I can sleep if anything is out of place.

Some days are worse than others, and when this happens I have to literally wash my hands after everything, if I get a can of coke out of the fridge I wash my hands, then I open the can and pour it into a glass, I have to go and wash my hands, after each sip I then have to go and wash my hands.

After getting absolutely no where with the service I was offered with the NHS (they forgot about me and still haven't bothered) I have now started seeing a therapist who offers NLP. Apparently this practice is not as brutal as CBT, it involves the tapping of the pressure points, visualisers, and other tools. I have been twice and haven't really started to notice any difference, but I know it is still early days.

I am now starting to contemplate CBT, so if any of you out there have any views of this and how it has helped you it would be much appreciated. I am also thinking about starting on medication (anti-depressants), again have many of you taken them and if so have these helped? Were the first few weeks bad, as I have heard it can make you worse before it makes you better?

I have only touched on how OCD affects me, as there are too many things too list. If anyone can relate to any of things I mentioned above it would be great to hear from you and also ways that have helped you cope.

All the best to you all.
Alex

Fri Jul 23 2010 21:37:22 #
Truddles
Member

Hi Alex,

Welcome to the forum.

You need to go back to your GP and inform him/her that you appear to have been forgotten by the system and ask them to chase things up for you. Emphasise to him that the OCD is getting worse and that you're struggling to cope on a day to day basis. The treatment of choice for OCD is Cognitive Behavioural Therapy.

Whilst you're waiting for your GP to chase things up for you perhaps you could try reading a self help book such as Overcoming Obsessive Compulsive Disorder by David Veale and Rob Willson.

If you click on the orange box entitled ‘It’s time to know’ on the right of this page it will take you to the OCD Action resource centre where you can get more information on OCD.

I hope that you find this forum useful, we're a friendly forum and do our best to try to help and support each other.

Sorry this was brief but I think that I mentioned in one of my PMs to you I've been out all day and am exhausted

Best wishes
Trudy

Fri Jul 23 2010 22:12:06 #
jo
Member

Dear Alex,

Welcome to the forum I could empathise with so much of what you wrote, I too have contamination OCD and a lot of it is based around food, it also took hold after a scary moment with my physical health.

I agree with Trudy, that it would be good to go back to your GP surgery, maybe ask to speak to the GP who is the mental health lead if the one you spoke to before wasn't helpful and see if you can get access to CBT and also discuss the pro's and con's of taking meds.

I think its great that you have taken the initiative and started to get some help but you are entitled to get CBT if you want it.

I hope you find this site supportive, it has made a huge difference to me being able to talk to other people who truly understand OCD and all its quirks.

Best wishes

Jo x

Fri Jul 23 2010 23:06:37 #
Unregistered

Hi Merlin

Welcome to the forum. I too am a severe 'contaminationer' who spent years washing her hands and, on occasions, avoiding people due to fear of dirt or cancer or various other fears.

I do think that CBT is the best treatment for you and it does not need to be brutal. It is really up to you how slowly or quickly you approach it. As you will see from my posts, flooding does work best for me.I made little, if any, improvement doing CBT slowly. But, as my therapist said it is up to the sufferer to decide his/her own pace.

On the question of meds, it is a case of finding the right one for you. Different SSRIs work better for different sufferers. I was extremely surprised at how well a small dose of Citalopram helped. Anafranil never worked for some reason. Having said this they all seem to have some side effects (constipation, a little weight gain etc). Also, Citalopram, in particular, can make you more anxious or depressed for the first two or three weeks. I am not sure how common this is, but both my therapist and doctor seemed to think that it was very common. So I would advise taking 10mg or less and then building up. I am on 10mg this time round, and after 6 weeks the panic attacks have gone and my thoughts are fading.

You do need to go back to your GP. But, if the waiting list is likely to be long, you may want to get a private, if possible, Mausley-trained CBT therapist.

All the very best of luck with getting your control back

Anne

Sat Jul 24 2010 8:19:48 #
Tess
Member

Hi Merlin
I can empathise with everything you have said. When my OCD was at it's worst I,too, had to wash my hands between every action which involved touching something. At one time I found it impossible to imagine a life which didn't involve constant washing, cleaning and checking. But I am vastly improved, not cured, but able to live a fulfilling life which is no longer dominated by my OCD.
I have never had, or even been offered CBT, but I know it can be immensely beneficial for a lot of sufferers. For me, medication transformed my life and I now remain stable on a low dose of Seroxat which I have managed to reduce down to 10mg daily. I have been taking it since 1992 and for me, the side effects are minimal in relation to the benefits. However, I know of other sufferers who have not managed to find any medication which works for them. As for feeling worse before you feel better on meds, this is a commonly held view and something I was warned about but for me it was a very gradual process and I don't remember feeling especially unwell, or a rapid improvement but you may react differently. I think we are all different, the way our OCD affects us is unique to each and every one of us and the way we respond to the different therapies on offer is also not going to be the same.
We all have to start somewhere and you seem to be taking a very sensible approach. Two sessions is very early days, you are starting with gentle therapy, if that doesn't help then you can go onto something different. The important thing is not to give up because it is a slow process and very much a case of two steps forward, one back. This forum is a good place for support during the down times and also for encouraging others when you make progress.

Sat Jul 24 2010 9:36:26 #
Merlin21
Member

Trudy, I am currently reading the Anxiety and Phobia workbook by Edmund J. Bourne, so far I am that far through it, but it does have some good breathing exercises in it so far.

Unfortunately with GP, there are only 4 dr's there, I have seen 3 of them, and 2 of them were very quick in getting me out of the door, 1 of them gave me some medication to stop me from going to the toilet which wasn't what I needed at all. The 3rd and the most helpful (although not overly helpful) said there is nothing more we can do for you and gave me the leaflet and told me to be on my way. This has completely knocked my confidence with dr's now, as they are very quick to get you out of the door if it is things they don't practice. With the CBT I will be doing this privately now, as with the NHS it took me 2 and a bit months just to get a face to face to evaluation with someone, and even when I saw them I get they said CBT wasn’t for me, so I have decided to give up with the NHS and get it done privately.

Anne, what is a Mausley-trained CBT therapist?

One question I do have, the NLP therapist I am seeing suggested that Serotone 5HTP might help me. Has anyone had any experience with taking this?

Thank you to all of you who have commented, it really is appreciated.

Alex

Sat Jul 24 2010 16:54:34 #
Unregistered

Hi Alex
I am really sorry and extremely surprised that you are experiencing this problem with your GPs. I have been through this myself and had hoped that the situation had changed.

What I meant by a Maudsley-trained therapist was a therapist trained at the Maudsley or Bethlem hopsitals. I suggested this because some therapists favour CBT over ERP and what your really need with contamination OCD is ERP. You also need a therapist who is willing to do the exposure with your for the first couple of times. This modelling gives you the courage and confidence to do it yourself. Certainly, all my successes have been due to watching a nurse or therapist do the exposure first.

My current therapist walked on every drain in the street with me, jumped up and down in puddles and stood under a sawn off drain pipe. This greatly inspired me to try it on my own. I felt that if it was safe for her it must be ok. The next appointment I walked on about 30 wet drains before I arrived at her practice. It was so liberating. It was the first time since I was a tiny child that I had done that.

I looked up Serotone 5HTP. I might look at the survey to see if anyone recommends it. The only prob is that you cannot take it with SSRIs so you could try to see if it helps, and if not, go back to your doctor and ask for an SSRI. If you get nowhere, is it possible to change your practice to somewhere where they are more aufait with conditions such as OCD?

all the best
Anne

Sat Jul 24 2010 17:17:21 #
Truddles
Member

Hi Alex,

I’m so sorry that you’ve had such a bad experience with the doctors.

My Homoeopathic Consultant says that the best way to boost serotonin levels apart from taking SSRIs is to improve your diet and not by taking supplements. Supplements aren’t that efficient especially as you can’t always guarantee how much or even what’s in them. And some supplements can't even be converted by the body into a form that the body can use
So I personally wouldn’t take Serotone 5HTP far better to improve your diet if you don’t want to initially try SSRIs.

EAT FOODS HIGH IN THE FOLLOWING.

B VITAMINS
Brown rice, chicken, corn, eggs, leafy green vegetables, legumes, meat nuts sunflower seeds.

CALCIUM
Almonds, leafy green vegetables, cruciferous veg (cabbage, turnip etc) fish with bones, sesame seeds, tofu.

MAGNESIUM
Found in leafy green vegetables, whole grains, beans, seeds, halibut and spinach.

OMEGA 3 aids serotonin production
Shown to reduce the symptoms of depression and to aid sleep.
Found especially in oily fish, pumpkin and sunflower seeds.

GAMMA-LINOLENIC ACID
Evening primrose oil, starflower oil. Caution required if you have epilepsy as can make seizures worse.

TRYPTOPHAN
Found in chickpeas, dairy products, eggs, pork, beef, chicken, fish, oats, dates, mangoes, seeds, bananas, nuts and spirulina.

SELENIUM
2 – 4 Brazil nuts per day. Enhances mood and reduces anxiety.

ZINC
Helps with cognition. Do not take as a supplement.
Found in beans, meat, nuts, oysters and whole grains.

Avoid stimulants and refined carbohydrates. Sorry that includes my favourite chocolate

I hope this helps.

Trudy

Sat Jul 24 2010 17:49:26 #
Merlin21
Member

Thank you all for your posts.

Anne, I have found a fairly local practice that offer CBT and ERP, so will more than likely give them a try. Unfortunately I changed my practice due to them saying I could only speak to my dr who happened to only be there 2 days a week. I changed Drs to my now local one, so unfortunately I don't know which is one worse!

Trudy, I will definitely be giving those foods a try, thanks ever so much for this.

Sat Jul 24 2010 18:38:43 #
Unregistered

Hi Alex

My doctor is only part-time too and so I have the same problem as you. But she is the one who got me into The Bethlem and she continues to be of great help to me. For this reason I feel it is well worth the minor problems this causes me. A doctor who understands OCD and is prepared to listen is worth her weight in gold.

Anne x

Sat Jul 24 2010 20:08:24 #
Merlin21
Member

Hi Anne,

Absolutely, just wish I could find a dr who understood my problems, the impression I get is that none of them understood therefore it is down to me to sort out.

Alex
x

Sat Jul 24 2010 20:15:25 #
Chelsey
Member

Hi, Alex.

Not the only new one to the forum, I am too, but welcome.

I personally haven't tried any medication for mine, for the simple fact I won't ask for help and won't talk to anyone about it.
As far as people are aware mine is dandy, even though it really isn't.
For that reason, I can't give you advice on medication, and therapy didn't work for me.

However, I can relate to something with you.
One of my silly little OCD bugs is numbers too.
The difference is, I can't stand the number 3. It's odd and evil, in my opinion.
Two's I can stand, four's are good and eight's are great because they all consist of two's and are even numbers.

It feels good to actually relate to someone on something.
I very much hope your treatment does good for you, OCD can be a very rocky and unstable illness to have at some point, and it's far from easy.

Best of luck,

Chelsey.

Sat Jul 24 2010 20:16:12 #
Merlin21
Member

Hi Chelsey

Welcome to you to.

With numbers for me everything has to be odd, but the main numbers for me are 3 and 5 (I have no idea why). When it comes to the TV, Radio in my car etc everything has to be on an odd number, it drives my wife crazy as I am constantly adjusting the TV and radio if they are not on odd numbers.

When it comes to my routines everything has to be done in 3's and or 5's or of multiples of 3 and 5. One of my routines is when getting into the shower in the evening only, we have a shower and bath combi and when I stand in the shower I have to move the tap to the left and to the right 5 times so that the tap ends up in the middle. If I go over 5 times and it isn't in the middle I have to keep going until it is in the middle on an odd number multiple of 3 or 5.

This ritual drives the hell out of me, and is one of many.

I hope you are able to relate to a lot more on this site, I have been using this site for 2 days now, and I really feel it does help, as before this site, I thought I was the only one with these strange and very annoying rituals.

Good luck
Alex

Sat Jul 24 2010 20:29:54 #
Chelsey
Member

I agree with the radio and TV thing,
my volume on every tv and my phone all have to be on an even number.
If they're not, I'm screwed.

I did used to be a fan of the number 3, you've just reminded me.
I used to have to have all of my simple tasks done within three seconds, i.e. getting from one side of the room to the other, choosing something to watch on tv, my phone sending a message, a short conversation and anything else.
I too had and have no idea why, and I have no idea why it's now fours that I am a fan of.

And as for the shower thing, I can't stand the tap not being in the middle.
If I'm in the shower and the tap to the sink is dripping, or isn't centred, I have to get out the shower and sort it out time and time again before I'm happy.
I also used to have to wash my hair in a certain way, and four or five times before I was convinced nothing would happen when I got out.
It even came to the point a while ago where I'd be running late and still have to go back into the bathroom and re-wash my hair so that nothing went wrong while I was out of the house..

Isn't OCD a crazy life, eh?

Good luck to you too, and thank you.

Sat Jul 24 2010 20:35:05 #
LAH71
Member

Hi Alex

I am also new to this site and after reading your post I was amazed at how similar your story was to mine.

After having a cold and chest infection, I ended up with numbness from the chest down and couldn't walk. I was admitted to hospital several times and they thought it was either GBS or MS which terrified me. After having an MRI scan and lumbar puncture they still couldn't diagnose what it was and said that it was probably just a nasty virus. It took me 3 months to regain full feeling again. My daughter had just turned 1 at the time (it had taken us 7 years to have a baby) and it just elevated my OCD to a constant anxious state causing me to wash my hands almost constantly.

I too can't be around people who've been ill or are ill. If someone mentions they were sick the previous week I want to move away from them immediately. I too have routines for everything, all the things you mentioned and it has to be done the right way or I fear I will make myself or family ill. I carry sanitiser with me everywhere and I have it dotted around the house and in my car. I have to wash my hands after getting anything out of the fridge or the oven and I can't even touch the sink. I cannot use public conveniences or baby changing facilities so whenever I go out I only go to places that are 20 minutes away so I can get home if I need to.

I have been let down by the NHS so have started seeing a private clinical psychologist. It's costly but I just want to have a normal life again, esp for my daughter. I have had CBT before and it was beginning to work but I moved to a different area and couldn't continue. The services in the area I live in now are very limited. I do believe CBT is the best way forward I did feel it was helping me a lot before I moved area so I am hoping the CBT therapy I have just started will help too. I was on a low dosage of Seroxat but the first few weeks I felt really awful and then coming off it was a complete nightmare but it's probably not the same for everyone and whilst I was on it I felt very calm, less anxious so it was working. I have been on Prozac before and found that ok. There are pros and cons to SSRIs and TCAs.

Sorry to have rambled. I just wanted you to know you're not alone.

Best wishes
Laura

Wed Aug 11 2010 20:42:02 #
Laurie
Member

Hello Alex,

I could relate to your post completely, especially the part about being terrified of becoming ill. Laura, I also could have written your post myself. I too have contamination OCD and try to avoid anything remotely 'germ related' at all costs. I avoid touching anything in public unless I have to, and even then I always use my sleeve as 'protection'. I carry hand sanitiser in my bag wherever I go and have multiple bottles of it scattered around my room, so many that I've lost count. I'm extremely uncomfortable being around anyone who is/has been ill and loathe shaking people's hands (when I do I have to wash my hands immediately after.) I've had panic attacks because I became convinced that people who prepared food hadn't washed their hands before doing so.

Another thing I can't stand are 'contamination free' areas in my room (such as my bed) being invaded by items/people from outside. I once had a classmate over on the weekend who, despite my blatant hinting that she should take her shoes off before entering the house, ignored me, traipsed up to my room and plonked herself (and her filthy, contaminated shoes) on my bed! Needless to say, it was incredibly difficult for me not to completely freak out and throw a hissy fit/her out of the house. I had to change all the sheets, and even then I still felt horribly unclean for ages afterwards. The amount of times 'friends' have done this is ridiculous. I wish they wouldn't, it makes me so anxious.

Mon Aug 16 2010 23:32:32 #
Monty
Member

Hello fellow ocd sufferers! I am new to all of this and would like to welcome myself. I am a 28 year old who has been a sufferer of OCD for a number of years. My obssesstion is with hand washing, constantly feeling that I have been contaminated with diseases. Inparticular, I worry about having contracted HIV/AIDS and everything I do I am constantly looking and checking to make sure there are no needles around even when walking to work, tidying my house and out with friends. I feel rather anxious sharing this with you guys and despite my concerns of feeling embarrased, I have come to realise it is time to share my feelings. Ihave seen psychotherapists in the past, but nothing has ever seen to help me. Has anyone else ever been in this position? However, my experiences with thse people maybe of use to you guys, so if I can help in anyway, please feel free to ask. I do thank you all in advance for allowing me to share this with you all. All thje best to you all out there experiencing OCD thoughts. Any support would be truely grateful!

Thanks. Monty

Wed Aug 25 2010 17:36:36 #
Truddles
Member

Hi Monty,

Welcome to the forum

Pleased don’t feel embarrassed about sharing your feelings with us, we’re all in the same boat with our OCD.

You say that you’ve seen psychotherapists in the past and that nothing has helped. Have you ever had Cognitive Behavioural Therapy (CBT)?

I think that sharing our bad experiences of therapy can help other members just as much as our positive experiences. Sometimes hearing what hasn’t helped can help others to avoid the same pitfalls.

We’re a friendly forum and we do our best to help and support each other.

Best wishes
Trudy

Wed Aug 25 2010 18:19:30 #
Ellie
Member

Hi all....have a quick question for Trudy...Do the dietry changes that you posted in a previous post really help? I too suffer from OCD, do not take meds and as I live abroad any sort of CBT treatment is abit out of reach so am really interested in alternative methods.
Thanks xxxx

Wed Aug 25 2010 20:57:51 #
mummyto3
Member

Hi, I'm gonna jump on this thread and introduce myself.. I have been a sufferer for almost 5 years now and I can't describe my feelings any better than the way monty described his. I am terrified of HIV/AIDS and constantly checking for needles... even in my own house - I worry about having my windows open incase someone throws one in I have got in control of a lot of my obsessions but I can't seem to shake my fear of HIV, I used to be on meds but came off them to have my kids (2,1 and 3 months) and now i'm making an appointment to see about going back on them as some days my ocd is uncontrollable =( Some days I want to scream why me? I feel like I am ruining my life and my childrens lives as when I take them out ( which isn't as much as it should be) I am constantly checking for blood and needles. I saw a psychiatrist about starting CBT but they never got back to me after my initial assessment and i dread the though of going through the whole thing and being near a stranger like that again!

Jen xx

Tue Aug 31 2010 20:10:57 #
Truddles
Member

Hi Jen,

Welcome to the forum

Tue Aug 31 2010 20:37:31 #
mummyto3
Member

thanks

Tue Aug 31 2010 21:06:19 #
sarah81
Member

Dear mummyto3,
Just wrote you a long message which got deleted, so I will keep this one short.
I have a very similar obsession. I am terrified that my two small children will get HIV. We live in a country with one of the world's lowest rates of HIV, but I can't stop thinking about it.
I am worried about probably 10 different incidents right now, and none of them are normal things to worry about. I even have difficulty going to the dentist and hairdresser as I am so afraid of infection.
You are not alone. Message me whenever you like.

Sarah

Wed Sep 1 2010 8:38:08 #
Truddles
Member

Hi Sarah,

Unfortunately sometimes posts fail to post and we lose them. So speaking from experience, especially if it's a large post I suggest that you do it on word, notepad or similar and then copy and paste it on to the forum. That way if it fails to post you wont have lost it and can try again It also means you can cheat and use the autocorrect etc on the computer

Trudy

Wed Sep 1 2010 20:39:31 #
sarah81
Member

I will definitely do that from now on Trudy, thanks for the tip.

Thu Sep 2 2010 6:21:33 #
Minette
Member

Hi Alex,

Really feel for you, i was in a massive rutt with contamination and ended up in the Maudsley hospital OCD inpatient unit for 4 months. like you, big problems with catching anything from people, in fact being in a room with no open window, just having someone next to me, walking past somone who didn't look clean, I thought I could breathe in the germs or they would somehow jump to me.
I went through intensive CBT and though tough, it does help I think. Did feel like a livign hell at the time, but I was in hell anyway, well, it felt like that. A psychologist I saw initially did the visulaisation and tapping thing. I didn't think it worked at all and on reflection now, how on earth do things like that stop or change the way you view somthing??? They aren't psychological therapies so how can they address the cause of the problem? I'm afraid the main part of CBT is graded exposure therapy, starting by exposure to the things that are lowest on your anxiety scale. When you can cope better with that, you move up the scale to the next one. i have to say it cause immense anxiety, but they do say, and I now know it is true, that eventually you don't respond wiht as much anxiety to something.
it has been a long road, but hopefully to reassure you, I now don't use wipes or tissues constantly, open doors, don't wahs my hands, can leave dirt on my hands.
It never quite leaves me, but at least I lead a relatively normal life now. I have to say though, just got a cold and chest infection and have been running through my head who must have given it to me, what I did to come in contact with germs etc.
I went on meds in 2005, because I was so bad that the psychologist couldn't get anywhere with me, couldn't organise my thoughts enough to even focus on things. I was really against starting them, as once again worried what woudl happen in my body, but they did help. Can't say I actively knew at the time that they made a difference, but they enabled me to start loooking at the compulsions and anxieties. Iam on SSRI's, sertraline, and just did lower the dose recently and have now had a flare up of OCD, so that tells me they must be doing something.
There is help out there, and self education is paramount. after finding out how OCD works, how it is maintained and why it may have occured in the first place is really important. It could be that you had a predisposition to OCD, adn had underlying anxieties, and getting so ill has just sparked this off in you. Being that ill is hard to just get over I imagine.

Anyway, hope you get the help you need, and you are not alone,

Take care

Minette

Fri Sep 3 2010 12:42:12 #
Minette
Member

Hi Alex,

Really feel for you, i was in a massive rutt with contamination and ended up in the Maudsley hospital OCD inpatient unit for 4 months. like you, big problems with catching anything from people, in fact being in a room with no open window, just having someone next to me, walking past somone who didn't look clean, I thought I could breathe in the germs or they would somehow jump to me.
I went through intensive CBT and though tough, it does help I think. Did feel like a livign hell at the time, but I was in hell anyway, well, it felt like that. A psychologist I saw initially did the visulaisation and tapping thing. I didn't think it worked at all and on reflection now, how on earth do things like that stop or change the way you view somthing??? They aren't psychological therapies so how can they address the cause of the problem? I'm afraid the main part of CBT is graded exposure therapy, starting by exposure to the things that are lowest on your anxiety scale. When you can cope better with that, you move up the scale to the next one. i have to say it cause immense anxiety, but they do say, and I now know it is true, that eventually you don't respond wiht as much anxiety to something.
it has been a long road, but hopefully to reassure you, I now don't use wipes or tissues constantly, open doors, don't wahs my hands, can leave dirt on my hands.
It never quite leaves me, but at least I lead a relatively normal life now. I have to say though, just got a cold and chest infection and have been running through my head who must have given it to me, what I did to come in contact with germs etc.
I went on meds in 2005, because I was so bad that the psychologist couldn't get anywhere with me, couldn't organise my thoughts enough to even focus on things. I was really against starting them, as once again worried what woudl happen in my body, but they did help. Can't say I actively knew at the time that they made a difference, but they enabled me to start loooking at the compulsions and anxieties. Iam on SSRI's, sertraline, and just did lower the dose recently and have now had a flare up of OCD, so that tells me they must be doing something.
There is help out there, and self education is paramount. after finding out how OCD works, how it is maintained and why it may have occured in the first place is really important. It could be that you had a predisposition to OCD, adn had underlying anxieties, and getting so ill has just sparked this off in you. Being that ill is hard to just get over I imagine.

Anyway, hope you get the help you need, and you are not alone,

Take care

Minette

Fri Sep 3 2010 12:43:33 #

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