OCD Action

Johnny99
Member

Hey guys, I found this site today and broke down in tears. For 10 years I have been struggling with my OCD and have always thought it was just me, as foolish as that sounds. Knowing that there are other people out there who have similar issues with their OCD makes me feel not so alone and not so different.

I have recently suffered a real relapse having finished my last CBT session about a year and a half ago. Although I worry and often check I have felt largely in control and positive.

I passed my driving test a little while ago and then developed an overwhelming fear of having run a red light or been over the speed limit, even though I know I am a good driver. This was all made worse by the fact that a week ago I so worried about running a red light that I did through a lapse in concentration albeit at about 3 mph. There were no cameras or police around and no-one was there to be hurt thank God, and while the logical part of my brain knows that and accepts that I will be fine and need not worry about repercussions I have been looping thoughts about it for the past week and catastrophising. I am not so worried about making the misjudgement again, I am just so angry at having made the mistake and in honesty I am exhausted.

I am really not sure what to do now, the techniques I learnt in CBT are not working atm and I am struggling with my looped thoughts and the strain it is putting on my wife and family.

I am really glad I have found some people who I can talk to openly and honestly about this, it feels like a weight off of my shoulders.

J.

Sun Jul 18 2010 20:22:37 #
Truddles
Member

Hi Johnny,

Welcome to the forum.

I too thought that I was the only one that did the things that I did because of my OCD until I joined the forum. It was such a relief to know that I wasn’t alone. I’ve had so much help and support from this forum. It’s a friendly forum and people do their best to help and support each other.

It’s not nice when the logical you knows full well that you’ve done nothing wrong and yet you can’t stop going over it time and time again imagining the worst because the OCD makes you doubt yourself.

You say that you finished your CBT about a year and a half ago and that the techniques that you learnt then don’t appear to be working at the moment. Perhaps you need to go back to your GP to ask to be referred back for more CBT. Sometimes you need to have a few more sessions especially if circumstances change or you suffer a set back.

Don’t be so hard on yourself as that in itself will exacerbate the OCD. Everybody makes mistakes it’s part of being human and anyone that says they don’t isn't being honest.

Presumably you were in control of the OCD until the incident with the red light? If so it might be that as you obviously gave yourself a fright you’ve temporarily forgotten the exact techniques that you were taught to handle the looped thoughts. So try going back to the beginning with the CBT that you were taught and slowly go through all the techniques.

Best wishes
Trudy

Sun Jul 18 2010 20:55:21 #
jo
Member

Hi J,
Welcome This place is great for being able to get stuff off your chest and people arn't judgemental. I agree with Trudy, get a bit of extra help now, and nip this episode in the bud before it gets too dug in. I had OCD for years before I found this place, its such a relief to talk to people that get it.
Best wishes
Jo

Sun Jul 18 2010 21:10:34 #
stus
Member

Hi Jonny
New here myself (well 2nd time around from long time ago).

You know logically about the red light from reading what you wrote i can see the problem as OCD, not you but your ocd making you think that. You know that but like me it soooooo hard to see this when it happening to you. Being outside from you i can see this as a false alarm, something in your brain is not computing this info. Easier said than done, because this is what people say to me to do, but it very hard to do. It ocd Jonny dont let the silly thoughts get to you

Mon Jul 19 2010 11:56:34 #
Johnny99
Member

Thank you guys, I really appreciate the comments. I have made an appointment to see my GP next week and get some more CBT sessions sorted out. Hopefully I can get things sorted again, the idea of going back to how it was before is not something I would want to happen.

On the positive side, I am feeling a little better today, probably because I have shared with you guys, so that is something to be thankful for!

J

Mon Jul 19 2010 12:37:15 #
Rena32
Member

Hi Johnny, I understand you completely, I have suffered the same issues as you have, it is not easy dealing with OCD, sometimes it seems that we try to avoid making a mistake so hard, that we actually make the very mistake we were trying to avoid. I always worry about things and if I make a mistake, then I am really mad at myself. I am glad that you joined the forum as I have always found it very helpful. It is nice to know that we all do not suffer alone, there are so many others going through the battle with OCD. To me the forum is a form of therapy. I have not been one to share the fact that I have OCD with to many people, it is really emabarrasing to me, but here on the forum, I feel I fit in and it is a place where people understand how it feels to have OCD. You will find lots of encouraging words here and I look forward to reading more of your posts.

Fri Jul 23 2010 3:56:35 #