Related OCD Spectrum Disorders
Hi, I'm seeking support as my partner of 6 years is a hoarder and also pulls her hair.
The hoarding has got to the point where I feel I can no longer share a house together so there's a real possibility of us breaking up because of it. I love her, but can't see how we can continue living together.
Though both the hoarding and pulling isn't extreme compared to others I've read about, my partner finds it impossible to throw anything away, particularly clothes, receipts, magazines, newspapers. As a result we have this evergrowing collection which requires more and more storage: in wardrobes, drawers, cupboards, the loft, the sheds, her car, a storage unit and her mothers house.
What really gets to me the most is the untidiness that all this stuff creates. I'm not obsessed about tidiness, but all I want is a 'normal' generally clutterfree house that I can be proud of and want to be in and have people visit.
It's got to the point where we're now sleeping in separate bedrooms, as the master bedroom that she is in has clothes piled up on much of the floor, with piles of books and magazines lying around. Meanwhile I'm in a more tidier bedroom, though still with lots of her stuff in boxes and wardrobes.
She knows it's a problem and I have tried everything I can think of to help her in with the situation: from trying to help her with it, to giving her lots of space and time to deal with it, making lots of suggestions and encouraging her in a non-aggressive way, and to simply exploding in fits of anger because I feel so much frustration because nothing fundamentally changes. Out of frustration I've also thrown some stuff away myself, but this doesn't help the situation at all.
The hoarding goes hand in hand with her not being house-proud in any way, and she finds it an unpleasant and tiresome task to do simple daily chores around the house. This then leaves me having to do the majority of those things like cleaning, vacuuming, looking after the garden, cars etc. I also manage the house finances because she also struggles with that.
We're generally unable to have people stay with us because it requires a huge cleanup exercise which is becoming increasingly difficult because of what needs to be done.
We have no children, I'm 53 (been previously married) and she is 45 (never married).
I'm now considering seeking professional help to see what I can do to deal with my own feelings, as I'm now finding it impossible to have any perspective on the situation. I simply don't know what to do and am willing to look at my part in the whole situation, but I do feel I've been pretty accommodating for a long time. I had thought that over time she would have felt secure enough in our relationship to take the situation on within herself. She will not seek external help.
I'd be really keen on hearing from other people, particularly men who have partners with similar kinds of problems and situations, and how they may have dealt with them.
Many thanks.
- New post in forum
- Topic post
- New post in topic
- Announcement, important
- Support Question
- Resolved Support Question
- Locked topic
- Hot topic
