OCD Action

pompom
Member

My inlaws live in Scotland (thank God), but we live in Surrey. They came to stay at the weekend. For three hellish days. Last time they stayed was 2003. She has had OCD for years - I've been married 21yrs and she's been ill since I've known her...I suspect she's had it for about 40yrs. She's 78 years old. It's so bad now, she is severely mentally ill with it. I was exhausted when they left yesterday. I stayed calm and charming until one last comment I made which was ignored. This is a true list of things we had to live with for three days - we are so concerned about my father in law living with it (who tells us it's hell and tells us more about it when she's not around). They are just 'existing' with this terrible illness.

1) She only ate about four mouthfuls of any meal I gave her.
2) She didn't drink any drinks at all. She twirled glasses round looking for the dirt. She actually asked if she could have one of her own carton drinks on Sunday, which she'd brought. The only thing she drank...it appeared.
3) The sofa in their bedroom was lined with newspaper, before a multitude of plastic bags with kitchen roll were placed on top.
4) I looked in their bathroom when my husband took them for a drive. Wet kitchen towel was placed over the taps, folded neatly over the handles.
5) A kitchen towel mat had been made and placed in front of their toilet.
6) Her car seat has black bin liners cellotaped all over it, including headrest (done this for years and years)
7) Her handle on the inside of the car has kitchen roll folded over it.
The back seat of the car has to have a fresh layer of newspapers over it every week.
9) She told me she puts ten tissues folded up on a liner in her knickers (she actually told me!!!)
10) When they left she said 'Listen, we've been really good and used one hand towel because we've used kitchen towel to dry ourselves to save you the hassle.
Ooooh I've run out of space........she's so ill. It's so upsetting and the direct family have never tackled it and now they live in hell. It's just awful. Good to vent on here.

Tue Aug 25 2009 10:39:48 #
pompom
Member

As I ran out of space I'm replying to myself! Did the smiley thing by mistake by the way!
Yep....so she went to the dentist last week and had to change and shower as soon as she got home. Bedside tables and dressing table are covered in plastic at her house (have been for years) and she makes FIL sleep on the sofa, which he has for years....she doesn't allow him in the kitchen. She doesn't like him using the outside tap because it could contaminate the inside tap....YET all this and she left a dried puddle or urine next to the loo - all so inconsistent. She doesn't sit on outside chairs. She has a wipeable handbag she carries with her ALL THE TIME and when she sits it is put on her lap, or behind her back if on a dining chair....there is so so so much more. She is so ill. But I am in no position to do anything. When she's here she creeps into the kitchen when I'm cooking and she peers at what I'm doing - UNBEARABLE. My hubby comes and gets her out. She uses constant excuses as 'cover ups' which we can all read like an open book....as if we actually believe them. If we tackle it with her she sweepingly changes the subject. My FIL has tried to get her to see specialists but she simply refuses. The Doc gave her anti-depressants (used for OCD) and she proudly said she threw them straight in the bin 'because I'm not depressed'. At the supermarket she lines the trolley with newspaper after making FIL pull out about five trolleys for inspection first. FIL says to people who look at the trolley 'I just push the trolley!' and smiles. Hell innit, having people like this in your family who wreck it for us all. We have NEVER been there for a meal or for a Christmas or EVER had any time with them like a normal family. It's completely soul destroying and saddens me so much after all this time that I sobbed for an hour yesterday (at the age of 45!). Anyone else have to suffer with such a horrific set up?

Tue Aug 25 2009 10:50:23 #
Nimrod
Key Master

Hi Pompom,

Welcome to the forum and thank you for sharing your problems with us.

You are not alone in the way you suffer. Sadly many families and carers suffer in a similar way. OCD not only destroys the lives of sufferers it also destroys the lives of those around them. From what you say your MIL seems to have what we call "entrenched OCD", that is she has had it so long and it has not been treated, or she has not responded to treatment, that it has become part of her characteristic make up. As you have seen this will dominate and control her life and the lives of those around her with everything having to be done in such a way as to accommodate every whim of her OCD. It is not her fault, she is ill and in just the same way as someone with a physical disability needs to make allowances or do things a certain way so she has a mental disability which requires her to do things in a certain way. It is so frustrating and soul destroying to witness this. As mentioned, it is not her fault or that of anyone else.

On the subject of medication, you say she was prescribed anti-depressants but she threw them away. Sadly this often happens. OCD is often misdiagnosed as depression and anti-depressants are prescribed. In part this is not surprising as OCD can cause sufferers to be depressed. However, anti-depressants can be a valuable part of treatment. When OCD is diagnosed medication prescribed is usually a SSRI (Selective Seratonin Reuptake Inhibitor) and sometimes together with an anti-depressant, but the treatment of choice is CBT (Cognitive Behaviour Therapy). For more information see the NICE Guideline on OCD at http://www.nice.org.uk/cg031 Although the Guideline only applies to England and Wales (there are different arrangements in Scotland) the information about OCD and treatment applies to everyone anywhere in the world. There is a lot that can be done to treat and help people with OCD and the first step towards that is to get her back to a doctor (hopefully one that can recognise OCD), however, she has to be willing to go and to accept the treatment - and that is often a great problem.

I am sorry that I can't offer anything more positive, but please do keep us informed of progress and don't hesitate to come on the Forum and say whay you want be it having a good moan or giving us some good news. One small tip, if you have a long message (say as much as you like) and feel that you are running out of space, type it out on your wordprocessor or note pad then copy and paste it to the Forum.

Best wishes,
Caps

Tue Aug 25 2009 12:27:12 #
pompom
Member

Thanks for your reply Caps.

I can't see her ever admitting to the illness and I'm sure she'll never go to the doctor (despite FIL making appointments). I think sadly it is something she will die with and will have wasted a life to her dedication in dealing with it. We just feel so sorry for my FIL. They have two bedrooms in their house which they are not allowed to use, due to new furniture having been bought (in case they should ever move, which they won't) and all this furniture is stored and still wrapped in it's original plastic. They lead a completely abnormal life. It is my FIL who has to suffer most and my heart really goes out to him. He lives in the garden and garage to get away from her. He even has a fan heater in the garage to keep warm out there in the colder months! There is absolutely nothing we can do, but watch. This is a wonderful forum though and it's wonderful to 'vent' about it. A great outlet.

In the meantime, thank you for your advice.

Tue Aug 25 2009 14:15:37 #
Unregistered

I know this is dead serious and all but.... LOL at this bit:

9) She told me she puts ten tissues folded up on a liner in her knickers (she actually told me!!!)

Sun Sep 12 2010 22:35:50 #
Unregistered

Double post by acident....

Sun Sep 12 2010 22:35:50 #