OCD Action

puddlesmith
Member

My husband a wonderful husband and father had treatment for ocd in the past when younger. It started causing problems again about 18 months ago when he switched jobs and started to work from home. I have tried to get him to join a support group or consider treatment, he thinks he can beat this himself. He says its getting better but I think its just spreading out into different things. I'm always a step behind it. We are together 24/7, his constant checking/reassurance anxieties are wearing me down. It used to be all about numbers, now it seems to be about everything he thinks, sees and does. I'm feeling very frayed. Any ideas?

Mon Jun 13 2011 20:00:47 #
Tess
Member

Hi puddlesmith
Welcome to the forum and I'm sorry to hear about your husband. It's very easy to think you can beat OCD yourself but in reality it's very difficult. Your husband has had treatment in the past so he obviously has some insight into his OCD and will have learned coping strategies. It sounds as if the relapse has been triggered by change of circumstances and he is aware of this and is trying to deal with it on his own with your support. If he is refusing to accept that the situation is deteriorating and will not agree to getting treatment then there is little you can do. My feeling is that at present you need to exercise a lot of patience and tolerance, he says it is getting better, you just think it is spreading to different things. He probably feels as though he is regaining a degree of control but you can see it has switched direction and unfortunately this is what OCD does. The other big problem is that stress will make it worse so the more you try to point out what is happening and encourage him to accept treatment the harder it will become for him. I think both of you need some 'me' time each day and you also need some together time which is purely for relaxation and pleasure. The support group is an excellent suggestion if there is one nearby and perhaps you could attend it together, there are two married couples attending our local support group down here in Cornwall. But support groups are not a quick fix and at times you will find someone else's needs are so acute that they take priority and your own problems can get sidetracked.
My advice to you is to think about ways in which you can minimise the stress in both your lives and give it a few weeks to see if it helps, if the situation continues to get worse then professional help is the most sensible way forward.

Tue Jun 14 2011 8:39:53 #
Ratwomble
Member

Hi puddle smith

I would say that your first call should be ti get your husband to go to the gp. I don't know how long ago he had treatment, but there have been significant changes in medications over the last few years and he might benefit from the easing of symptoms that medication can bring. Even if he wants to beat the OCD himself, no reason not to give himself a bit of an advantage if he can.

Welcome to the forum,

David

Tue Jun 14 2011 13:26:11 #
puddlesmith
Member

Thank you David and Tess for answering.
We have had what feels like a breakthrough today, my husband has spoken to someone on a helpline. He feels good about having done this, says it was worthwhile, and I feel relived that he has talked to someone other than me. My husband won't visit our gp at this point, but he is sounding more positive today about aproaaching a support group. We do need 'me' and relaxation time.

Tue Jun 14 2011 15:20:40 #
Tess
Member

Hi puddlesmith
How about introducing your husband to this forum, there is a wealth of information here and the opportunity to get online advice and support from other sufferers.

Tue Jun 14 2011 18:01:36 #
tizzkins
Member

Hello Puddlesmith i can begin to know what you are going through as i know what i put my husband through on a daily basis. its not easy but marriage is there for sickness and in health and my husband has always been there for me although at times it has been really hard for him. I think the same as Tess maybe your husband will welcome the forum as a source of other support as well as yourself. In my opinion it is really just as hard if not harder for the partners/husbands/wifes in these situations as it is the ocd sufferer. If your husband doesnt want to come onto the group please stay yourself as i feel you will benefit from the support.

Take care
Liz

Tue Jun 14 2011 21:49:57 #
puddlesmith
Member

Hi Tess and Tizzkins,

thank for your replies. My hubby is using another ocd forum now, called 'Stuck in a doorway', and has also been feeling a bit better, generally, with some medication from his GP (SSRIs). He still has his difficult spots and gets stuck, but on a daily basis it is better than it was. His concens at the moment are less number related and more about his worries about doing the 'right' things. His dose is being increased at the moment, so he is having to adjust, but is trying to stick to his 'steps'. He decided to go to a support group too, which was really positive, but his messages and emails about it were never answered, and he gave up in the end! Its been far worse for him than its ever been for me, because it takes him prisoner at times, its also very difficult to watch this happen to someone you love, and causes real pressures and worries. This website and forum has helped a lot.

Mon Sep 12 2011 12:35:29 #
Tess
Member

Hi puddlesmith
Thanks for letting us know how you are geting on, so pleased you feel you have had some help from this forum and website. It's a shame your husband gave up on the support group - if it's a user led group it may be that the person who answers the messages isn't well at present and hasn't felt able to respond.

Mon Sep 12 2011 16:56:31 #
aishah
Member

Hi Puddlesmith,

I can symapthise as my husband hasn't sought the help he needs with his anxiety and depression. Every time my husband has a bad episode he will go to the G'P', and they will arrange for him to see someone , then the minute he feels a bit better he thinks he can deal with it on his own.

I am sure my husbands panic attacks and phobias have had a knock on affect on my OCD over the years, but he just doesn't seem able to deal with his fears.

Anyway I'm glad that your husband has made a move in the right direction and hopefully he will make some improvements and also glad that he has found some help from the forum.

Regards
Bridget

Mon Sep 12 2011 17:30:12 #
aishah
Member

Hi Puddlesmith,

I can symapthise as my husband hasn't sought the help he needs with his anxiety and depression. Every time my husband has a bad episode he will go to the G'P', and they will arrange for him to see someone , then the minute he feels a bit better he thinks he can deal with it on his own.

I am sure my husbands panic attacks and phobias have had a knock on affect on my OCD over the years, but he just doesn't seem able to deal with his fears.

Anyway I'm glad that your husband has made a move in the right direction and hopefully he will make some improvements and also glad that he has found some help from the forum.

Regards
Bridget

Mon Sep 12 2011 17:30:58 #