OCD Action

slogsweep
Member

Hi guys, sorry to feel compelled to write again but I'm really struggling at the moment.

I live in a student house, unlike most students I don't sleep well. It means that while I'm up at 7, anyone not in lectures or out is rarely seen before midday. This gives me a lot of time alone to ruminate and become very, very scared.

I'm currently either going through a major setback or a relapse. I worry constantly about having unintentionally done something wrong in the past, causing enough harm to someone that they end up like me, crying in bed too scared to get up or open the windows, unlock the door or go outside.

Does anyone please have any tips on how to combat the spikes in the morning. Very rarely in the last four months I've been able to resist the spikes in the morning and have a relatively "normal" day (with the help of 40mg fluoxetine). The morning doubts fuel the rest of the day, like filling a car with petrol. The problem is I keep filling the tank to overflowing.

I wouldn't hurt a fly now, I can't even say jokingly harsh things anymore let alone hurt people. I jump at the doorbell or car alarms or sirens and get horrendously anxious about reading the news, which has developed into another compulsion (along with possession checking, lock checking, gas checking, bag checking, work checking etc.). I can't not read the news, but it does me terrible harm each time.

Please help me,

A terrified and shaky Slog

Sun 20 Nov 2011 13:06 #
wannabefree
Member

Hi slog, I too have morning spikes... I'm just now thinking about what to say... I think it is good that you get up early, I tend to stay in bed worrying, which is not really good for me... My other half says that I get better during the day, with evenings tending to be my best times... But this doesn't necessarily help me in the mornings... I tend to read on here some mornings, just knowing that you aren't on your own can ease the worries a touch... I did join the library, with the intention of trying to find a favourite author... It doesn't push the thoughts out cos we aren't able to do that... The more we try to remove a thought, the stronger it gets... But something alongside them can help a bit... I'm reading books about OCD too... It is like learning about an enemy to defeat... OCD is an bully, and the more you can learn about it, the better chance of finding it leaving us alone... It isn't easy is it? I too struggle with this, and wish I knew what to say sometimes... We can be our own worst enemies... Have a look on Amazon for books on anything positive... It is said that a good laugh can make us feel better, but I too struggle with that one as if I have no right to be happy, but in the living world we do... It is part of being in the living world...
Do you have a favourite film? How do you feel about all the Christmas stuff in the shops and on Telly? It gets me down! Anyway, Slog, you are an inspiration to us on here, so try to be good to yourself today... You are worth it, we all are...
wannabe

Sun 20 Nov 2011 14:06 #
slogsweep
Member

I wish I was literally up and out of bed at 7! I tend to ruminate lying awake in bed for 3-4 hours before the tablets kick in and I can get up again. I read on here too I find it really helps just to remind us that we aren't alone. Yes I'm feeling low too about Christmas. The excitement I once felt has been swallowed up by the OCD.

Could you recommend any cheapish OCD books? I've lost my love of fiction as everything I've been assigned to read lately has caused spikes. I can also relate to the feeling of not having a right to be happy. I feel guilty just for trying to resist the OCD and trying to fix myself. I don't watch many films as my mind tends to wander and I've developed a sort of fear of TV that I don't know for sure what is going to happen. I can't watch crime dramas or hospital dramas, stuff like that. I do play video games however. They give me a great sense of escapism and because I'm interacting with the environment rather than merely staring, my mind is occupied enough to not concentrate on OCD. If you don't play games, I'd seriously recommend it. You don't need the latest £200 system to escape either, anything not too dark seems to work however old it is.

I might try reading again, it's something I've been neglecting lately. You be good to yourself too, you're a wonderful person taking the time to help me out.

Slog

Sun 20 Nov 2011 14:25 #
Truddles
Member

Hi Slog,

OCD can really reek havoc with our lives can't it?

How about getting a relaxation CD to play as soon as you wake?

With regards to books - see if your local library or the student library have any. Some areas also are part of the books on prescription scheme http://www.overcoming.co.uk/single.htm?ipg=6242
Alternatively look on Amazon and see if there are any cheap used ones for sale (that is if your OCD permits it)
Overcoming Obsessive Compulsive Disorder by David Veale and Rob Willson is a good one to start with as it gives a good overview of both OCD and CBT.

Trudy

Sun 20 Nov 2011 14:38 #
wannabefree
Member

Hi slog, no problem, you do the same for us too, and that I'm grateful to you for too... The best way I have of getting books is to go on to amazon, and sign in for a account, then type in OCD in the search bar, and you'll find quite a few really good books... I go on amazon cos it is possible to get second hand copies in the new and used section, which can offer a big saving on the new prices... I've just ordered Imp of the mind, by Lee Baer, and theres even a CD about learning calm which was only a few quid... The main one that people on here reccomend is by Rob Willson and David Veale, called Overcoming Obsessive compulsive disorder... Anything by these two writers looks good... Also relaxation tapes, CD's can be of help, and yes games! I'm addicted to computer scrabble! I can listen to a radio station on line, whilst trying to beat the computer characters at scrabble... There is also a mentor function on it, so I can get help... Some of the words are amazing, and it is really good fun, cos it involves a great deal of thought, and teaches word skills that I didn't have before...
I'm just off for a game now I think... Another way of getting books... When you find a title on Amazon, it is usually possible to ask them to get them at the library, but it is always nice to get your own copy if you can...
wannabe

Sun 20 Nov 2011 14:45 #
Truddles
Member

Also go and look at everything in the OCD Action Resource Centre

Perhaps we should all ask our libraries to get some OCD books in

Sun 20 Nov 2011 15:08 #
slogsweep
Member

Hi guys, had a much better morning today. Last night I made a list of things to do to fight the OCD morning spike, and I managed them. They were really simple things (such as, be out of bed and ready by 11) but have given me a little boost.

Also I came up with a little metaphor to put morning OCD in normal people language:
OCD is like a car that needs petrol in the morning. The more you add petrol, the longer the OCD will run for and the longer you'll have to spend in the OCD car. I hope this might help someone, I thought I'd come on and share it with you anyway.

Good luck everyone, have a relaxing day and thank you for your help yesterday.

Slog

Mon 21 Nov 2011 11:52 #
Tess
Member

Hi Slog
Delighted you're feeling a bit better this morning. Yes the things you need to do to help yourself are simple but that doesn't make them easy and so you should give yourself credit for what you have achieved. I like the analogy about the petrol and you need to starve the OCD car of fuel but you also have a non OCD car which you need to keep correctly fuelled to keep your body and brain running at peak performance.

Mon 21 Nov 2011 12:08 #
slogsweep
Member

Thank you, I'm trying to carry out small targets for now, to fuel my non-OCD "car". I'm also playing video games, going to the pub (not drinking, but getting out the house) and doing a little shopping. I'm also eating and sleeping fairly normally again. It's just these bloody mornings!

I hope you're having a good day too,

Best wishes,

Slog

Mon 21 Nov 2011 22:48 #
wannabefree
Member

Hi slog, me too! The mornings are just the pits for me at the moment!
wannabe

Mon 21 Nov 2011 23:47 #