OCD Action

opl505e
Member

Im having a tough time at the moment, I have an ESA meeting on thursday that I am not looking forward to.
Suddenly in bed I had this irrational fear "what if I was abused when I was 16", now I seem to be analysing every time I went out back then (some 22 years ago) I was not worried about these things then and nothing happened to me, but then the old paranoia kicks in of what if I was drink, what if I have blanked something out.
My mind is trawling all my memories from this time which is exhausting me as it is such a long time ago and having OCD my mind just fills in the gaps as quick as I think back.

Hand on heart I would say nothing has happened to me, but then the OCD kicks in and says well what about when this person bought you a drink, maybe they wanted to attack you, then I get these upsetting images of what that would look like

Throughout my life I have had these fears whenever I have been around people, what if they attacked me, it has got to a point where I don't trust anyone as I think they want to attack me.

How do others cope with these impossible what if questions about the past when you pretty much know nothing happened but you can't stop mentally checking.

The mind is a evil thing with OCD as you then actually start acting like a victim of abuse and think whatever happened im still here now, then feel all this guilt that you have been abused when there is no evidence that you have.

Confused and tired
Back to top
Quote
MultiQuote
Blog This

Tue Jan 17 2012 11:35:11 #
BT
Member

False memories are one of my biggest problems and I have suffered this for over thirty years. My only advice is to attempt not to look back. I know the OCD will keep throwing things at you and your natural reaction will be to analyse everything to try to prove nothing occurred. The problem is this never works. I have wasted years doing this and it actually makes the obsessions stronger. OCD will always have another ‘but what if’ to throw at us. It isn’t easy to ignore the thoughts. I find the only way is to keep busy. The obsession still lingers like an oppressive cloud at times. There’s no magic solution and you are right, it is an evil condition.

Some people are fortunate and find that medication relieves the worst of the obsessions. Others find Mindfulness effective. What I have yet to encounter is a person who gains any relief by going back over the past.

Tue Jan 17 2012 11:57:09 #
BT
Member

P.S. Another approach is to imagine what we are obsessing over actually did occur and say 'OK, I'll live with that'. It's tough therapy and not something everyone is willing to try. And, like any other approach, it doesn't always work.

Tue Jan 17 2012 11:59:35 #
BT
Member

False memories are discussed here:

http://www.ocdaction.org.uk/forums/topic/intrusive-sexual-thoughts-and-false-memories#post-40974

Tue Jan 17 2012 12:02:43 #
slogsweep
Member

Hello I suffer from this too. It's pretty bloody rotten isn't it. As BT said try not to live back. I never (if I can) look more than a day back or a day in front. I only start to panic.

The "ok I did that" approach doesn't work at all for me, I'd rather be dead. But since I have been on medication things have improved so my quality of life, while far from perfect is much, much better than it was.

Just remember that it's OCD. I find Brain Lock works quite well initially to get you ready for therapy. I've had horrible spikes this morning so am feeling rather down, but if you message me I'll do my best,

Slog

Tue Jan 17 2012 12:51:13 #