hiya yeah i love the garden too...well i did until i discovered this february that a neighbours septic tank had been discharging straight into it!! has been for 3 years,(our garden was actually her soakaway...planning error..ommission...laziness at not checkin take your pick!!) they have had a new system installed that treats it...but im still obsessing over it..not great for my anxiety and contamination OCD (thats what i have most trouble with OCD wise) me and my family have had the worst 12 months ever, that sewage thing was just a part of all the troubles we've had.
thats what bugged me last night, having to go to the hospital, even though i didnt even go in, i had the thoughts of blood and or other contamination on the wifes shoes etc...
i can deal with the kids running wild...in fact it does help a little when we do activities, even just making paper planes like today
i have 4 sons, they are 12, 10, 4, and 2 so its always a madhouse here, our 10 year old is autistic too so that adds to the overall stress of the 3 bed rabbit hutch we live in!!
its when i am on my own or at work (at a bench on my own) when i really start to ruminate over things, just non stop like a runaway train
im currently signed off work at the moment, which is helping to recharge me i think, though now im currently obessessing about money now as i will be on SSP.
i have not taken a sertraline today and i'm still having that awful anxiety feeling that will not go whatever i do,so its making me think that i am not even going to try 25mg tonight, i dont want more sleep disturbance i've had a gutfull of that in the last 3 months...