Hi guys, just thought I would let you know that last week I took the big step in going to my doc and explaining how I have been feeling. I managed to speak without bursting into tears which was incredibly hard for me but I managed it. I have been put on citalopram reluctantly but I know that it will prob be of benefit to me in starting my quest for recovery. I know that I am the only one who can sort this now, and with the help of some cbt I'm hoping to at least be able to sleep at night. I know that I am the only one who can really sort this thing out,and looking in the past to see whether I did some abhorrent act will not work,guilt and regret are the most awful feelings and I know I'm not an evil sick person but the doubt is always there with me that I did this awful thing,which I have written in the past but can no longer even face to write as I feel sick. I want to get better so I can enjoy my family life and my life. I haven't been myself for many years now and that is the problem,I'm not sure who I am now,but a shell of someone who used to have such a laugh and not take things too seriously. Pure o,intrusive thoughts,false memories have dominated my life for too many years now of which I can never get back again. I think we are all so strong to deal with everyday life and this at the same time.