OCD Action

Greytimes
Member

Hi guys, just thought I would let you know that last week I took the big step in going to my doc and explaining how I have been feeling. I managed to speak without bursting into tears which was incredibly hard for me but I managed it. I have been put on citalopram reluctantly but I know that it will prob be of benefit to me in starting my quest for recovery. I know that I am the only one who can sort this now, and with the help of some cbt I'm hoping to at least be able to sleep at night. I know that I am the only one who can really sort this thing out,and looking in the past to see whether I did some abhorrent act will not work,guilt and regret are the most awful feelings and I know I'm not an evil sick person but the doubt is always there with me that I did this awful thing,which I have written in the past but can no longer even face to write as I feel sick. I want to get better so I can enjoy my family life and my life. I haven't been myself for many years now and that is the problem,I'm not sure who I am now,but a shell of someone who used to have such a laugh and not take things too seriously. Pure o,intrusive thoughts,false memories have dominated my life for too many years now of which I can never get back again. I think we are all so strong to deal with everyday life and this at the same time.

Mon 21 May 2012 11:43 #
Cuthbert ffoliott
Moderator

Hey Greytimes -

congratulations on taking that all-important step, and for sharing your story with us. Gathering from your post, you've been on citalopram for approx. one week now... so it will take some weeks still, before it shows its action.

If it does what it's supposed to do, you will find relief regarding that urge to scrutinise the past over and over again, without finding any definite answer; you'll be able to live in the here and now better.

Trust me, in spite of the many years that you've been suffering from the intrusive thoughts and false memories, and apparently have lost that personality who could have a jolly good laugh and not take things all too seriously: these capacities are still within you, people are that way. They just got buried by the burden of OCD. And they can be woken up again, retrieved, come back to the forefront.

Wishing you good luck and all the necessary strength,

Cuthbert.

Mon 21 May 2012 11:55 #
chaschas
Member

Hi Greytimes,

Cuthbert's post has said it all - but I wish you lots of luck too! Things will get easier now, especially once the meds kick in. Remember you're one step closer to getting better now

Chas

Mon 21 May 2012 12:36 #
antoinetty88
Member

Hi Greytimes!
Good for you! I DM you, so feel free to get in touch anytime, & be proud that you are taking the right steps to better you life. I wish you all the luck in the world.

Mon 21 May 2012 16:43 #
MOON
Member

hi Grey, Congrats on seeing someone I am sure it will help you greatly. did they diagnose you with OCD right away when the session ended?

Mon 21 May 2012 18:22 #
wannabefree
Member

Hi everyone, Hi Greytimes... This is the first step, possibly the most difficult one of the lot, and you've made it, that is worth a big well done from me too... As the meds start to take effect things should get a lot easier for you, and that is a massive plus...
Wannabe

Mon 21 May 2012 19:57 #
Greytimes
Member

Thanks guys for your support. When I went to the docs I could barely manage to talk but I made it through. She was great about explaining what the meds do,as I was quite worried about side effects etc. I know that taking them will maybe make things a bit easier but can't see how I'm going to get rid of the thought I have about the past,but I guess that's what cbt will help with. Would just like to hear if there is anyone who has had false memories,and has been able to get rid completely through cbt?. Also with taking the meds,do most of you continue taking them for life?.

Mon 21 May 2012 22:37 #
Cuthbert ffoliott
Moderator

Hiya Greytimes -

first: I can very well relate to your being apprehensive about the medication. I had exactly the same fears: side effects, and: am I chained to them for life? I lost these fears completely. If you adjust yourself to them as prescribed, and stay faithful in taking them regularly, the side effects are negligible (speaking only for myself here, lest I insult someone who had other experiences). And: at first I thought: must I take them up until very old age? I do not think so any more. Partly I base this opinion on studying literature, and partly on being pretty well acquainted with them now. I see the meds (paroxetine in my case) as a 'chemical way of CBT', I mean: they make another lifestyle possible, a way of living that teaches me that numerous of my prior fears are ungrounded. Thanks to the meds, I can function better outside of my apartment and with other people. Those are important lessons, because they tell me that the things I dreaded do not happen. And these experiences will stay, even after I will try to live without the pills (or with a much reduced dose) - our brains are plastic, they have lots of capacities to adjust, all our lives.

Hope this helps a bit,

Cuthbert.

Tue 22 May 2012 8:41 #
wannabefree
Member

Hi Cuthbert, Hi Greytimes, I tend to feel that if I'm on meds forever, then so be it... It is too early to say if the CBT will work well, but hopefully a return to happy life, that will be good... I guess that I'll always have a susceptibility to OCD, but hopefully as time goes by it will dwindle away to almost nothing... That is the hope anyway...
Wannabe

Tue 22 May 2012 20:52 #