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    wendybpool
    Member

    My husband has just informed me that his dad has just rung up to let us know that he will be visiting tomorrow and that we will need to arrange the families house for him to stay in as he will be spending the night in Catterick Garrison.

    Of course I don't have a life of my own to lead and can just drop everything for everyone else without warning.

    The guy does this all the time and then wonders why I can't stand him. It got to the point that I banned him from stopping over in our house as he used to ring up and tell us that he was would be arriving in half an hour and be staying at our house for a few days. Oh yes, apparently my home is a hotel - didn't you know!?

    He wants to talk to me about why I have a problem with him. I wouldn't mind if he would listen to me but he just wants to talk and me to listen and agree with everything he says and see everything his way.

    The other problem I have with him is that, if he thinks everything is sorted out, then he'll go back to his old ways of treating my home like a hotel and just turning up whenever he wants and for aslong as he wants.

    My OCD is also another reason why I find it difficult for him to be in my home. My husband didn't know this guy until January last year and so for me he's still just some stranger my husband found off the internet and I can't handle him using my bathroom. My home is the only place I feel safe but when he used to stop over, I lost my safety zone. It didn't help that he left his blood on our hand towels and his pubic hairs on the bottom of our bath.

    We only met him last January but he wouldn't leave us alone and kept coming over all the time without our permission and it just got too much for me and I broke down and that's when I told my husband that his dad can't just keep turning up uninvited and that he can't stay over in our house.

    My husband has explained to his dad a million and one times how his behaviour effects me and that he needs to back off but his dad just doesn't listen to him and carries on regardless. His dad just lives for himself and doesn't care how he effects other people. That's why I have no hope towards this talk he wants to have with me as like I previously stated, nothing I say will make any difference. He just does not listen unless it's what he wants to hear.

    I knew this week wouldn't bring any improvements on last week.

    Sun Oct 30 2011 21:04:09 #
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    Tess
    Member

    Hi
    This is something you could well do without. It would be a lot for anyone with two young autistic children and in the latter stage of pregnancy to handle but add OCD into the mix and I feel it is extremely unfair to you.
    I guess your father-in-law is probably lonely, he has suddenly discovered he has a family and grand children with another on the way and he wants to be part of it which is very understandable.
    I was in a similar situation many years ago, my mother-in-law arrived on our doorstep unannounced a couple of days after I had arrived home from the maternity home after having my son, she had travelled half way across the country with her suitcase and obviously intended staying to 'help me'. I had never felt comfortable with her, I was acutely jealous of my husband's attachment to her which I felt she controlled with a form of emotional blackmail and very sensitive to her criticism and I cried all night and the next morning she left. I have often wondered if this triggered my post natal depression and OCD as it started soon after.
    Both of us realised many years later that we had handled the situation very badly, because of our mutual emotional weakness, and I wish now it could have been different because she could have been a friend and an ally instead of a threat. Not long before she died and long after my husband and I were divorced she said to me she regarded me highly and I was gobsmacked and wished I had been a better daugter-in-law and shown her respect and acceptance.
    I don't know how to advise you regarding your father-in-law but it seems he has at least realised there is a problem and wants to try to resolve it. I think the best thing you can do is to meet him on neutral territory without children in tow and try to understand each other's point of view. I think you need to explain your OCD to him so that he understands why it is necessary for him to stay in the families house. If each of you can start to find the real person in each other with all the fears and insecurities under the surface then maybe you can slowly start to build a relationship of mutual respect and consideration.

    Mon Oct 31 2011 10:51:54 #

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