OCD Action

forthaven
Member

hi all

am at a loss what to write.... it seems anyone i care about just leaves me. I was recently made redundant and have not coped well with it- i am a scientist and there was no more money for our project. my friends have not been able to handle me when i get overloaded, i tend to go on obsessive missions with my work and so on and then have the inevitable breakdown when it goes nowhere. i also seem to do the same with relationships.

The girl i was seeing recently, one of my old friends in fact, has decided that she wants no more to do with me and in fact has accused me of being a psycopath! i am not like that and care very much about the welfare of others. i feel awful that my obsessions over sex and relationships lead to a bad breakdown, i want to be normal all the time and get so anxious and depressed that i just want it all to be over. worthlessness and total self hatred. she has blocked me on facebook, also i had another friend who said i was just full of crap and had an over inflated ego!!! as many of you know OCD can seem like that to some, as if we are self-centered, it is not that at all if anything we want it to stop affecting those we care about....right?

so i am left alone this xmas again, only this time totally alone, my family cant handle me when i am like this and dont want me around at all (in fact have threatened a restraining order if i was to visit). All i want is to care for someone and have them care about me, but every time i get close to someone i just get used in some way...like there is no respect and it really hurts....ok perhaps that is a big of ego bruising, but i dont see that there is anything wrong with that assessment

I am trying so hard not to get obsessed over this girl and what she has done and said, but i am finding it almost impossible, i just want a bit of comfort to stop the spiral of intrusive thoughts over people and i cant seem to help the feeling that i am just not worth it in the eyes of anyone i care about. i know that i talk too much about my issues with people becuase i get intrusive thoughts it just goes round endlessly, i am not self absorbed just trying to break the cycle, is there any way i can that you can suggest, i have so much love to give and i dont want to burden anyone but it seems that i am just not wanted that way.

sorry to bring you all down on xmas, just had to share this. no one else will listen.

p.s. i w2as told by this 'friend' that i deserve to be alone on xmas because of the way i behave, all i said was that I was annoyed he is always late (one of my quirky obsessions is that i cannot ever be late for anything) and that precipitated a vitriol from him the likes of which i have never read- main thrust that 'i have brought this on myself' and i should 'grow up and take responsibility'. horrible things to say to someone no matter how they have behaved.

Sat Dec 24 2011 13:16:31 #
Truddles
Member

sorry to bring you all down on xmas, just had to share this. no one else will listen.

No need to apologise that's what we're here for - to help and support each other especially when things are really bad.

There are quite a few members myself included that will be alone for Christmas. Do what I did last year and join in on the forum for company and to have some fun.

I can't remember - are you getting any treatment for your OCD? If not in the New Year make an appointment to see your GP in order to access treatment. To break the cycle you need professional help such as CBT and then relationships etc will improve as your OCD improves. At the moment you're finding it difficult because of the OCD.

You don't need to feel alone at Christmas with all of us here for you

Sat Dec 24 2011 13:38:35 #
forthaven
Member

thanks truddles

yes i am waiting for referral for CBT again, have had this previously and also have been on prozac which i am seriously considering going back on as soon as possible

thanks for your reply. xxx

Sat Dec 24 2011 13:40:41 #
wannabefree
Member

Hi Trudy, Hi Forthaven... Gee, it's not easy is it? And at Christmas too...
You are in good company on here, Forthaven... It is a time of the year when we expect to be having a good time, and yet, to have a good time, we have to be in the mood, but moods aren't always under our own control... It is difficult to just 'Have a good time', when we just don't feel like it... I cannot turn a good mood on for others benefit, I just go with the flow... So take it steady tomorrow... Come onto the forums, I'll be on at odd times during the day, and in the evening as I usually do, cos I love to be in the company of you lovely people on here...
wannabe

Sat Dec 24 2011 21:47:02 #