OCD Action

Citaloman
Member

After my uplifting post yesterday i was having a good day and then driving home from work i thought about something to do with my current obsession, a new angle on things if you like.

I am crying now and every time this happens my mind resorts to wanting to end it all. As soon as i have a bad patch i just think, you need to die. I'm sorry that this will upset people but i cant tell my mum about these feelings.

Tue Jan 3 2012 18:47:57 #
Twitchy
Member

Hey lovely,please don't apologise,i'm sorry u are feeling so bad,that's the thing about this bloody illness,once u feel you're getting somewhere it always throws another spanner in the works.Please don't let it bully you,when are u due to see your GP?

Tue Jan 3 2012 21:15:53 #
Citaloman
Member

This Friday but im not going to tell her as she will cart me off and i don't want my freedom being taken from me. Everything is so real, so real i don't know whats real anymore.

Tue Jan 3 2012 21:34:37 #
wannabefree
Member

Hi Citaloman, I'm sorry too to hear of how things are going at the moment... I wouldn't expect the doctor to cart you off, I don't think they do that anymore... I once collapsed on the floor of the GPs' surgery, in a very bad state of distress, and I just got helped to stand, and an urgent appointment with the mental health crisis team, which were in fact wonderful to me, visiting me at home that very next day, I think... When your OCD is managed, you'll be amazed at what you can do in your freedom... There may be a crisis team you can phone, at your local mental health team... I don't know much else on it... Samaritans are said to be quite good, but it may be a good idea to phone the OCD Action helpline, to actually speak to someone on the phone, to have a listening voice to help when times are low...
Wannabe

Tue Jan 3 2012 22:14:31 #
slogsweep
Member

My therapist said it is extremely unlikely that anyone with OCD would be "carted off". I had similar fears and she said "nothing can be further from my thoughts."

The only people who are sectioned are those that are an immediate danger to themselves or anyone else. You're totally harmless and innocent, nothing to worry about I promise you.

Slog

Tue Jan 3 2012 23:10:29 #
Tess
Member

Citaloman, my advice is to tell your therapist the truth on Friday. Talking about suicidal feelings will not get you "carted off" anywhere, but it will help you to release them in a safe environment and it will help your therapist to know how low you feel at times. Bottling these feelings in to try to protect others is not the way to deal with them. By all means protect your mum and those who love you but it will not upset your therapist, she would be far more upset to find out you have been economical with what you tell her about your feelings.

Wed Jan 4 2012 10:57:00 #
Citaloman
Member

I haven't started CBT yet I have only had an assesment so far. I can't keep living like this.

Wed Jan 4 2012 11:10:30 #
Tess
Member

Hi, sorry, got confused with GPs and therapists. I still think you should tell your GP exactly how you have been feeling - good and bad, she needs to know to be able to monitor you. You won't be the first to disclose suicidal thoughts, they are far better out than in.

Wed Jan 4 2012 11:20:41 #
Citaloman
Member

I came home from work early today and told my mum and dad about my suicidal thoughts and wanting it too end. I then spoke to the doctors for an emergency appointment tomorrow morning. Im not sure whether to move onto another medication or not, maybe fluroxetine which my mum takes. But I'm scared stiff of side effects and the bedding in process. Saying that, can I feel worse than I do now. I would say that I have good and bad days all usually have tears throughout. Weirdly a new SSRI gives me a bit of hope.

Wed Jan 4 2012 20:15:01 #
wannabefree
Member

Hi Tess, Hi Citaloman. I agree with Tess, Citaloman... Don't hold anything back from your GP, it may help if you write a list of what you want to say. Even write it down in the form of a letter? I'm learning from reading others' writing now, and it is all good stuff... Getting your thoughts down on paper is a wonderful way of doing it, then you won't be worrying about what and wasn't said, when you are walking home afterwards.
Wannabe

Wed Jan 4 2012 20:17:23 #
Rach
Member

Hey there Citaloman (and everyone else!)
Just wanted to tell you that I completely understand how you might worry about disclosing your suicidal thoughts to your therapist/GP/whoever. I've never managed to tell anyone. I'm trying to do a study abroad programme with my university and since I use the university counselling system I worry that if they think I'm a danger to myself then the university will be notified and my chance to study abroad will be taken away. However, even saying all that I seriously don't think they'd ever cart you off just for telling them you've thought about it. I'm sure lots of people here have got to the point with their obsessions when everything just seems too much. Much love- hope today has been easier xxx

Wed Jan 4 2012 23:41:57 #
sarah81
Member

Hi Citaloman
Therapists and doctors are trained to ask about suicidal thoughts with a number of different questions to find out whether or not you are truly at risk for suicide. A lot of people may have thoughts like "It would be better if I were dead" at times, but the doctor will take the thoughts more seriously if the patient has, for instance, put his affairs in order, wrote a farewell letter, gone out and bought rope or hoarded medicines to overdose on, et cetera.
It sounds as if you are having a really hard time of it so I hope you can be honest with your therapist about what you are feeling. I really doubt they would force you to go to hospital unless they thought you were at immediate and pressing risk of suicide.
Hang in there! There will be better days.

Thu Jan 5 2012 10:45:53 #
wannabefree
Member

How's it going, Citaloman?
Did the Gp appointment go okay?
Please do let us know how you are.
Wannabe

Sun Jan 8 2012 19:51:57 #