OCD Action

pinkkatie
Member

Hi, I have not needed to use this website for a few years, but I am so glad it is here as my OCD has returned
I started with OCD (intrusive thoughts) when I was 17 years old. I had it for about 4 months and then it went away on its own. It then returned a year later for about the same length of time, and i went to the doctors but just felt a fool. I decided to use various self help books and eventually it worked. Having been free from obsessive thoughts for nearly 2 and a half years, my life was perfect. Everything was brilliant and I had couldnt ask for anything more. I was so happy and I loved life. I occasionaly had the odd intrusive thought during this time, but I just let it slip away like any normal person, and carried on having the best time of my life. 2 weeks ago it came back. I think i brought it on myself by thinking "how good am I not having silly thoughs for so long?!" The next time i had a thought, I began to dwell on it and thats how it all came back. I am so worried that it is going to ruin my perfect life. I just feel so down about it and it is so much easier to just sit feeling depressed about it than to let it go and get on with things. I am worried that I will be stuck like this forever. What if it never goes away this time? I cant concentrate on my perfect new job that I have worked so hard to get, I cant look forward to Christmas, I cant seem to be positive about anything anymore. This is the worst. I just want my life back.
Thanks for reading this rubbish, any advice?

Wed Dec 2 2009 13:38:12 #
Truddles
Member

Hi pinkkatie,
Just a brief note to say welcome
I didn't want you to think that nobody cared, we do. I'm in the middle of something but when I've finished I will speak. Remember you've got it under control once so with help and support you can again.
Thinking of you
Truddles

Wed Dec 2 2009 14:17:57 #
pinkkatie
Member

Hi, thankyou. It is so nice to be able to come to a place where people care and understand. I feel so stupid because I know I have to get myself out of this and I have managed it before, but I just keep thinking that it must have come back because maybe I am meant to feel like this
Thanks so much for reading my post.

Wed Dec 2 2009 16:33:38 #
Truddles
Member

No it's come back because possibly something triggered it not because you're meant to be like it. You've done it once before so with help and support you can again.
We're here to help you.
Keep thinking of the positives and keep posting.
Truddles

Wed Dec 2 2009 16:38:47 #
Unregistered

Dear pinkkatie,
Welcome to the forum.

I was going to stay away from the forum for a week to work on my exposure therapy but am now glad that I have seen your post.

I too have had a bad relapse after 11 years in virtual remission. Like you it is the intrusive thoughts which are so disabling. I am having CBT including exposure therapy and after five weeks am getting control of the compulsions but the thoughts are harder to shift.

You should go to your GP for help. A very small dose of citalopram may help. I started too high on 20mg and it made the panic worse. But 10mg for three weeks followed by two weeks of 20 has helped to stabilize me. You could also ask for NHS CBT or find a private practitioner if you can afford it as this brings quicker results than self-help provided you do the homework.

In the meantime. I read an interesting idea about thoughts on the internet yesterday which was surprisingly helpful. When you start obsessing you say to yourself: 'I have OCD, it gives me irrational thoughts. I have stated obsessing again.' Then choose one of three options. 1. (worked on me this morning) Tell yourself you are going to postpone your thoughts for the time being and do not try to analyse them as this is non-productive. 2. Sing the thoughts to yourself in any easy tune over and over again. 3. Write your thoughts down as they come and read them back to see how pointless and repetitive they are. It might or might not work for you but is certainly worth a try.

If it would be of help you could request my friendship and we can correspond on this site away from the forum. I do not know how to request friendships but if you wish to Caps will tell you how.

Best
Glad

Wed Dec 2 2009 16:42:23 #
pinkkatie
Member

Thanks for your advice and support. Yeah I try to tell myself that it is not my fault that I have these stupid intrusive thoughts, but sometimes it is easier to sit and dwell on them than to be strong and tell them to go! I have had two really good, strong days where I have managed to try and get on with my job as normal and then today has been a total nightmare. I have just given in and let the thoughts torment me all day. What a waste of a day!

How did you manage to get out of the OCD 11 years ago? Did you have to use medication? I really dont want to have to use medication, I want to be strong enough to fight it on my own but I just dont know if i have the strength anymore.

Wed Dec 2 2009 16:49:27 #
Unregistered

Dear pinkkatie
Taking medication is really not a sign of weakness. We are ill not weak and citalopram is a mild drug which simply takes the edge off the OCD allowing you to tackle the symtpons better. I got the OCD under control by attending the Bethlem as an inpatient. I got my OCD at 23 and am now 61. I was seriously ill 12 years ago neither self-help nor CBT having worked as I was too afraid to do the homework. When I came out of the Bethlem I had the necessary techniques to get better. I then saw a homeopath (who knew how to tackle OCD) who cured my depression and made me re-assess my life. I had left work on early retirement and decided to try for Uni. I stayed there 11 years studying which gave me back my self esteem. It came back when I got my PhD because I have nothing to fill my mind. But as I have got better before I know can I do so again.

The same is true for you.
Do not give up and stay in your job if you love it. But do ask for professional help if you need it as it is the quickest and surest way to get and stay better

Best
Glad

Wed Dec 2 2009 17:05:31 #
Parvez Choudhry
Member

Hi Katie

Welcome! I'm very sorry you've had a relapse and I hope you will soon regain the happiness you've lost. Something in your opening post that stood out for me when I read it was:
I am so worried that it is going to ruin my perfect life.
With my own OCD I found that worrying that a situation will make me feel horrible, makes it certain that the situation will make me feel horrible! The dread of it makes me less able to cope with the situation when it happens, and consequently the situation becomes as distressing as I feared it would be, or even more so. Being afraid of our phobias makes the phobias more vicious and powerful. The dread of anxiety is self-fulfilling. If I fear I am going to become anxious, then it will definitely happen. But if I adopt a cavalier and nonchalant attitude towards what I dread, it helps me get through the difficult situation more easily.

I know it's very difficult to stop yourself being apprehensive of things you dread. But I found it makes a big difference in how things turn out. Dogged determination and confidence to win the battle against OCD can turn defeat into victory. This forum is a good place to acquire the motivation and encouragement you need to take that positive approach.

Tally Ho!
Parvez

Wed Dec 2 2009 17:17:39 #
pinkkatie
Member

Yeah, I am not going to give up! NO WAY!! I AM GOING TO BEAT THIS AGAIN!! I have only been in my job 6 months and it is what I have wanted to do all my life so there is no chance I am throwing it away because of stupid OCD! It is scary but I will get through it and have my life back! I am sick of it taking over and it just has to stop!
You will get better too because you have done it before.
Thanks for your message of support

Wed Dec 2 2009 17:23:33 #
Unregistered

Hi
It's a pleasure. Well done you. You are an inspiration!
Love
Glad

Wed Dec 2 2009 17:41:25 #