OCD Action

Chrisu
Member

Good evening everyone, am new here and just wanted to share my OCD or for someone to share theirs with me I guess... I feel talking about it helps, but have not met any fellow-sufferer...
Hope to hear from you... Any strategies, ideas etc or just exchange very welcomed!

Fri Dec 9 2011 21:29:31 #
Truddles
Member

Hi Chrisu,

Welcome to the forum

If you go to Hot Tags to the right of the page and click on intrusive thoughts it will give you a list of threads about intrusive thoughts.

Fri Dec 9 2011 23:11:23 #
slogsweep
Member

http://www.hope4ocd.com/overview.php

This article outlines how common intrusive thoughts are for us with OCD, and how our brains are affected by the condition. Hope it helps

Best wishes

Slog

Sat Dec 10 2011 21:37:31 #
Chrisu
Member

Hi slogsweep,

Thank u for this, found the link and I actually know quite a lot about it already - thanks to my psychiatrist and psychotherapist who is v good (CBT) ...
Despite this I just wanted to share my thoughts, feelings with someone who is experiencing it, as it is at times so hard to describe how absurde your brain is/goes.
I am a part-time working mum of two small children (3&1.5)... All started shortly before my youngest first birthday...
Very scary experience...
I seem to be doing v well and not having any restrictions to my life as such despite the fact that I am now and again feeling just really 'odd' and worried I could do somethingnto myself, not that I would really want to but it is kind of an urge inside... My therapists know and I actually think it's just another form my intrusive thoughts are coming through, but it seems to take a while to accept them and not letting affect u ;(
All my thoughts initially were related to harming my kids, which was so surreal as I wrk in a profession where I am dealing with paediatric patients daily at senior level and not in the slightest violen etc - but I know now ur thoughts are always reflecting the opposite from what u r... What a learning curve...

It's now almost a year (all started feb 2011)... Just wanted to exchange with someone who is in a similar position as I realised reading some of the blogs here it does calm me down ...

Thank you again for your posts,

Chrisu

Sun Dec 11 2011 8:28:31 #
Chrisu
Member

Hi Truddles,

Ups, somehow missed ur post, sorry. Thank you for the info!

What kind of OCD do you have? @ truddles & slog
C

Sun Dec 11 2011 8:40:59 #
Tess
Member

Hi Chrisu
Welcome from me too. You've hit the nail on the head, OCD thoughts are opposite to our true feelings because OCD plays on the worst fears our brains can manage to conjure up and then torments us with them. You sound to be doing really well and in your profession you are in an ideal place to help spread awareness of this hateful disorder and to help get rid of some of the myths because there are still far too many people, even within the medical profession, who don't understand OCD and have some very uninformed attitudes. I have contamination OCD which developed after my son was born in the late 60's and since 1992 I have been on SSRI medication which has helped me enormously. As you say, what a learning curve - but it doesn't have to be all negative, OCD brings us strengths as well as weaknesses and we have to learn to use these in order to outwit the weaknesses. It's great to have you on board and I hope you will stay with us.

Sun Dec 11 2011 11:03:08 #
slogsweep
Member

Hello , sorry if that article patronised I thought you might have just been diagnosed. I have a range of OCD problems, kickstarted by a violent and horrible incident at my former workplace. I then helped care for children who have happily found good permanent homes now after being taken into care. My confidence was so shattered from my job I developed intrusive thoughts related to the pain those kids went through. Seeing their pain made me panic and the OCD made me irrationally worry. I have past tense OCD, constantly worrying if I've done wrong along with constant checking rituals, previous obsessions include chemically poisoning myself with shampoos etc and that my mom would come to harm if I didn't go home from school for lunch. Getting CBT in Feb but until then my meds are thankfully working. I'm always on here, either getting brilliant support or attempting to contribute back to this great community. Please keep posting, there are a lot of wonderful minds to offer their wealth of experience.

Best wishes,

Slog

Sun Dec 11 2011 11:30:08 #
Tess
Member

Slog, you are apologising again - it's your OCD which should be apologising to you for destroying your self confidence. You haven't done any patronising and Chrisu was just making a simple statement about herself. The links you put on here are really useful.

Sun Dec 11 2011 12:18:40 #
Chrisu
Member

Thank you everyone for ur posts!

I have to admit I never really acknowledged it when people said they feel depressed or other mental issues, as I am such a positive person generally, a get-up-and-change-it attitude if you don't like the situation u r in... But OMG do I emphasise now with people like "me" and others with mental health issues... It's so bizarre when ur mind suddenly takes over and u feel like that's the truth!
also being married and having the responsibility over two children is just such a different pressure from being single and independent... Still accommodating to daily mother-routine three years in

Did read quite a lot of posts here and it seams like an amazing, supportive site... One for all, all for one!

I have been lucky being privately insured as I got help straight away. Did visit my gp the very next day when the first thought came... Therapy and getting all those tools at hand were immensely helpful! @ slog, u will see, cbt is amazing, u just have to use the tools, and train your brain, like going to the gym - and not loosing hope or the ultimate goal, being able to just let them be thoughts, that's all they are

One of the best methods what worked for me is just welcoming every thought, really acknowledging it and saying hi, u can stay here. Long as u want, then I turn around and do something else and the thought is suddenly gone because I don't pay much more attention... The more u practice this the more "boring" those thoughts become and u realise, they r just little pop-up windows, like adds when u visit home pages

Always more than happy to share all my techniques I got thought... If I would have had to go through the nhs, my therapist I am currently seeing has a one-year wait - god knows how I/others would have coped, if I would have had to live with my thoughts for such a long time... Luckily through early therapy I never had any medication - bit stroppy, when it comes to medication anyway, despite me working in the NHS myself.

Hope to make some gd online-friends here who have an open mind and ear for me too, especially on bad days/bad phases...

Thank u everyone

Sun Dec 11 2011 13:42:59 #
Chrisu
Member

By the way slog, the article was really good! V interesting thank u for this - article wasnt patronising at all, and u def do NOT have to appologise!

Sun Dec 11 2011 13:47:18 #
Chrisu
Member

@ tees... I agree, I try to look at the positives too... It's like an emotional thermometer ( that piece of wisdom doesn't come from me, but my therapist)... I really look after my needs much more now, and like I wrote earlier, the insight I suddenly have is helping me on so many levels, with my personal life, my past, my present, my future and definitely with my work...

Sun Dec 11 2011 13:50:19 #
aishah
Member

Hi Chrisu,

Welcome from me too. I suffer from intrusive thoughts (really bad) and excessive cleaning and ordering. I have had quite a lot of therapy and have learnt quite a lot from it.

Unfortunately I am still suffering quite badly at times but I have made some good progress also.

I saw my psychiatrist on friday and he pointed out that although the therapy I have recently finished wasn't as successful as before, at least my OCD hasn't got worse and spiralled out of control completely. So I am trying to hold onto that and think positive.

I just wanted to say well done for holding down a job and looking after 2 small children!

Bridget

Sun Dec 11 2011 16:27:48 #
Chrisu
Member

Hi Bridget,

Hello ... Definitely, hold on to the positive things!!! Maintaining status quo, even if it's not amazing at times is a result ... and as I found out from here and looking around the world etc we r chronic sufferers but at least it's nothing fatal, we do not suffer with pain (different pain though) and we can choose to battle the OCD and supporting each other is making us stronger!

Stay positive.

Sun Dec 11 2011 20:34:15 #
slogsweep
Member

Thank you, I don't want to patronize anyone or come across as a know-it-all. I've got a couple of months still for CBT sadly but do you think it'll heal some long worn scars? I suffered with an eating disorder when I was 15-17 and my intrusive thoughts date as far back as when I was 13, I used to suffer from other intrusive thoughts before then. I've been sporadically depressed since I was 16, five years of on/off depression. I've become so mixed up for a large portion of my life (I'm 21), I'm a bit scared that a few weeks of therapy might not be enough.

Best wishes

Slog

Mon Dec 12 2011 20:15:06 #
Chrisu
Member

Hi slog,

First of all u have to think positive and stay positive... U have managed so far, despite all those years of negativity around you... Always try looking ahead thinking it only can get better...
what cbt also gives u is to look at yourself and life and the thoughts in a very different way... So you should have the felling afterwards, at least this is how I experienced it, that the phase when all was going pear shaped for me felt like a nightmare suddenly seems far away... U know that kind of feeling when u had a bad dream and it lingers with u for a while and if someone asks u a week later u can hardly remember how it felt? This is how I can now most of the times look back at the last year...
U just keep up the strength and the will and courage to beat it and be really open with the therapist about ur past, as many of our problems are linked to so many factors as well as genetic etc.
What cbt is giving u is tools, like exercises in a gym environment ... U have to use them EVERY time u r feeling down, have those thoughts etc. U r re-training ur brain and ur negative thoughts etc so that ur brain does not see them as negative or as evil or distressing anymore... And the more u use them the better!
I am not aware how many session u r entitled on the NHS as I received mine privately but if there is a need for me, than u will always / should always be entitled to more
being scared to a healthy degree is ok, and normal for everyone... am here if u need to chat, helps me as much as maybe u too...

Take care, and look after yourself
x

Mon Dec 12 2011 22:20:47 #
Tess
Member

Hi Slog
Once again you are worrying about something in the future which you can't control and may not happen - and by doing this you are making it harder for yourself. Try to think about the positives - you have already come a long way towards understanding your OCD before you even start therapy which is a lot more than most people achieve - and I can see from your posts that you are moving forwards in the right direction. You can't hurry through therapy imposing a time limit on yourself, that way you will just make the sessions less effective. Just take each session as it comes and if at the end you feel you need more therapy that is the time to discuss it with your therapist and see what can be arranged. As for healing old scars, again talk it over with your therapist, it may be you would benefit from some counselling as well as CBT.

Tue Dec 13 2011 10:59:58 #