OCD Action

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Unregistered

Lavender, I think books and forums can be extremely helpful. In fact, far more helpful than a bad therapist! Of course, if we can find a good therapist so much the better.

My son doesn’t fully understand all my OCD symptoms (my daughter does) but he is very much more tolerant than some of my friends’ children (I mean with their OCD, some of whom have disowned their mothers). My son’s wife is less sympathetic. But, the main reason for her attitude is my avoidance. I am so afraid of contaminating my grandchildren and, to some extent, I am afraid of a different contamination transferring from them to me.

I would still prefer the obsessions I have now to the intrusive thoughts I had in the past.

Mon Mar 7 2011 13:17:59 #
BT
Member

I just wondered how many mothers or fathers are unable to cuddle their children because of fears and disgusting mental images. When you are afraid of contamination it is somehow easier to explain. How can I tell a small child why I can't touch him? I feel so sick and disgusted. In fact, how can I tell ANYONE why?!

Tue Jun 7 2011 12:46:43 #
Tess
Member

Hi BT
I sympathise but I don't believe it's any easier when you can't cuddle your own child because of contamination. And contamination can do equally terrible things to a parent/child relationship, there are some recent heartbreaking stories on this forum concerning restrictions imposed on children by a parent's contamination OCD.

Tue Jun 7 2011 17:09:45 #
BT
Member

Tess, I am truly sorry for the way that came across. It makes no difference at all why you can't cuddle a child. In fact, I can possibly do more with my children than some with contamination fears can. It's just the secrecy, the utter disgust, and not being able to explain why I am the way I am. Again, not everyone (without OCD) would understand contamination fears either, I realise that. It's a hell of a condition whatever form it takes.

By the way, the friend I mentioned on another thread who had to move house after facing quite extreme exposure therapy, had an abortion because she was too terrified of having a baby to care for. She remains childless because of her contamination fears. I do understand, truly, and I worded my message very badly.

Wed Jun 8 2011 11:52:04 #
BT
Member

Has anyone recently read Lee Baer’s Imp of the Mind? I am getting myself in a right state over referrals to Freud’s id. I feel that Lee Baer is saying my sexual intrusive thoughts are real, and emanate from an ‘older’ part of my brain. He reassures us by quoting someone called Dr Carey Savage: “The very fact that they feel guilt and distress about having bad thoughts should reassure them that their orbital frontal cortex is doing its job. It is working properly to inhibit their thoughts and these urges, so they should have faith that they will not act on them.”

I notice by reading this thread that I am not the only one distressed by the use of the word ‘urge’. Although Lee Baer and Dr Savage are assuring us that the more evolved part of our brains will act as a block on the thoughts, it alarms me to read that the thoughts are still real (if you know what I mean). I had been told that my thoughts began because they disgusted me, and that’s how OCD works. Lee Baer seems to have a different take on it, or am I (hopefully) just misreading all of this?

Thu Jul 21 2011 11:40:07 #
Tess
Member

Hi BT
My interpretation of OCD is that the unwanted thoughts are a malfunction between the basal ganglia, the 'older' part of the brain which controls all the automatic functions which are necessary for our survival and the 'more evolved' frontal part which deals with things like conscience. I personally believe that fear drives our OCD, whilst we may feel disgusted by something like paedophilia that digust started out as a fear of terrible reprisals possibly fuelled by the media and it all gets messed up inside our heads. Whether the thoughts are 'real' is to my mind unimportant, they are not wanted, you are not responsible for them, you can't stop them happening by willpower and you will not act on them because they are alien to you..

Thu Jul 21 2011 18:34:31 #
BT
Member

Tess, thank you so much for your reply. I do think I have reached the stage now where I know I won't act on the thoughts, and that is a relief, because there was a time when I was sure that I would. I just feel so disgusted to think that a part of my brain might actually have these urges...

Sat Jul 23 2011 10:27:14 #
Lavenderwitch
Member

Hey everyone it's Lavender

Sorry I haven't been on in a while. I lost my old email address and had to re-register. I hope everyone's doing alright. I just wanted to say that yes, I do have problems cuddling children. Most of the time, I practice 'mindfulness' so I'm aware of what I'm doing [and what they're doing] the whole time we're cuddling...so I won't worry and obsess about it afterwards [although I sometimes still do].

I also obsess about things when I'm not cuddling...even teenage friends of my children. "Did I grab his bottom when he went through the door? Did I touch her boobs when she passed me just then?" You know, that sort of thing. Now this is ridiculous when you think about it, because if I did, they would SAY something...surely??? But then the OCD Devil becomes clever and inventive and says, "maybe they're too embarrased to say something, maybe they're frightened?"

It ALWAYS has an answer......bloody thing.

Fri Apr 13 2012 12:38:38 #
Wombat140
Member

I know, sometimes it seems as if OCD fights back on purpose! I suppose in a way, according to some theories, it really does. If this is your brain's reaction to something it's become programmed to treat as a danger (which is what I've often seen suggested), then presumably getting off the subject, for any reason at all, would be slacking! So it would make sense for it to use any means, however devious, of keeping up the fight. If ONLY there was some way of just telling it it'd made a mistake!

Fri Apr 13 2012 19:20:26 #
BT
Member

The OCD devil is indeed clever, inventive and damn persistent! I have just quit my job. I have been ‘exposing’ myself to my fears for so many years now, but I give up the battle and admit defeat. I’m taking the easy option and will report whether the symptoms improve (I don’t feel they could get much worse, but who knows?!).

Fri Apr 20 2012 11:26:36 #
Tess
Member

Hi BT
I don't know whether comiserations or congratulations are appropriate here but don't think of it as admitting defeat, it is just a new page in the chapter of your life. I did the same thing many years ago and exchanged money and stress for time and a better quality of life and I have never regretted it.

Fri Apr 20 2012 11:44:21 #
wannabefree
Member

Hi BT, hopefully things will now improve for you now that you haven't got the stress of your old job anymore... A good break should see dividends... Take time for doing the things you enjoy...
Wannabe

Fri Apr 20 2012 11:47:09 #
BT
Member

Thank you Wannabe and Tess. I do actually believe I have done the right thing. For twenty years, I’ve been instructed to battle on and face my fears. If anything I was worse at the end of this time. Sometimes I think we should follow our gut instincts and I truly wish I’d done so years ago. I feel as though a huge weight has been lifted off my shoulders.

Fri Apr 27 2012 11:26:31 #