I can’t really say without knowing what the thought was that you believed was evidence. I have experienced such things, OCD is very adept at finding ‘evidence’ to support its 'case'!
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UnregisteredTue Nov 9 2010 13:30:58 # -
I get some weird thoughts. I keep getting really anxious and they really annoy me. My tutor died a couple of years ago and she was a really nice woman. Every time I think something 'sexual', my OCD keeps saying, 'Oh, it's over her'.
Please Help!
Sat Nov 13 2010 13:00:42 # -
UnregisteredJon, I’m in an awful rush, but just saw your message. I’ll try to come back tomorrow, but I am sure others will help you with this, because it is very common amongst OCD sufferers. It may well be common with everyone. It’s just that we agonize over such thoughts, whereas others without OCD dismiss them and get on with their lives. If a thought is upsetting or repellent, we can be fairly sure it will bombard us.
Tricia x
Sun Nov 14 2010 12:34:04 # -
Hi, I haven't posted here for a few months. If no-one remembers me, which I doubt they will as I posted twice, maybe, lol, I've been suffering from intrusive thoughts recently, of a horrible, sexual nature.
Now, I'm not entirely sure, but I feel that it may be linked to being stressed. I dropped from uni last year and the following year hasn't been that great. My GF lives in America (I'm from the UK), and these thoughts started occuring after I returned from spending the summer with her. Since the summer I've stressed a lot more, what with missing her and struggling to find a job. The past couple of months were better, however. But recently I've been a bit stressed and the thoughts have returned, so it seems a likely trigger?
Along with the thoughts, I suffer from a huge amount of fear/panic when they occur. I don't know if anyone else suffers from this, but it worries me a lot. Once the thoughts disappear, the fear seems to go with it. Like a weight coming away from my chest/abdomen area. Hard to explain in words.
Also, after reading a few pages back, I'd like to mention something about something that Tricia (I believe) said, I'll quote it.
He speaks about thought suppression, something I attempted continually (but failed miserably with) when I suffered intrusive thoughts. I would imagine it’s the most natural reaction when a disgusting/distressing thought enters our minds, to try to force it away. However, Lee Baer was saying that when a patient was asked to really concentrate on something, his mind drifted. When told to do the opposite (with the same thought) he struggled to shift his attention elsewhere, the thought he was trying to avoid continually returned. Therapists disagree on so much, but I think we can safely say they all agree thought suppression makes the thoughts worse.
This is true for me. If I'm suffering from the intrusive thoughts and I manage to do something else; like for example at this very moment, I was having them, but I came on here to read and now my mind is occupied with making this post they've disappeared and my fear is gone. It definitely helps me, I generally start playing a video game or something similar to take my mind away from it.
Sorry for the wall of text, just felt the need to talk lol.
Thu Nov 25 2010 3:44:50 # -
UnregisteredSo sorry, I will come back to this thread when I can.
Mon Nov 29 2010 14:39:34 # -
UnregisteredI really do apologize for not contributing to this thread recently. I have been absorbed in my own problems, but feel guilty for not responding.
I have decided to leave the forum today, but many of you have my e-mail address and I will be happy to correspond with you.
Some of you know the ridiculous lengths I go to with my contamination fears. I will repeat them here, not for sympathy, but to get a point across to anyone reading this who believes those with just intrusive thoughts suffer less than those of us with contamination fears and other manifestations of this condition where compulsions are a major factor. It’s something that has been said to me so many times over the years I have been here, words like ‘if only I just had intrusive thoughts…’ or 'contamination fears are the worst'.
I have been so miserably cold for weeks now, because I can’t wear anything apart from underwear and I spend at least an hour a day dressed like this outside in the garden, decontaminating laundry in a container with freezing cold water. I am constantly cold through to about April/May. I would still prefer to be this way than go back to my years of intrusive thoughts. Nothing, not even physical discomfort or pain, is as bad for me as torment of the mind. Your OCD remains well hidden from others, unlike my current symptom, but I realize just how badly you are all suffering.
I wish you all the very best of luck. None of you will ever do the things you fear and I have found it heart-rending listening to your experiences, knowing how you are all suffering for nothing. Damn this wretched condition of ours and the misery it inflicts upon us.
I have also been humbled by your PMs, where you have shared your innermost thoughts with me and trusted me. I know some have not told another living soul and I have been so deeply moved. You are all in my prayers daily and always will be.
Love, Tricia.
Thu Dec 9 2010 12:51:52 # -
UnregisteredI am so sorry that no-one has replied to you, Pinklady. I feel so guilty, but I needed a break from the forum. Tricia x
Sat Jan 29 2011 12:51:53 # -
UnregisteredThis is NOT meant as a criticism, but can anyone with these kinds of obsessions explain why no-one replied to Pinklady? I know it’s a common symptom.
Tue Feb 1 2011 13:37:22 # -
UnregisteredI'm sorry, I don't get these kind of thoughts.
I'd have loved to help, but I don't know anything about this side of OCD. 
Tue Feb 1 2011 19:00:37 # -
UnregisteredHelz, I know you don’t and I understand that you wouldn’t feel able to offer support or advice on this thread. I’m merely puzzled that so many people with these obsessions haven’t replied.
Ella, I do understand. I have read messages at times and found it difficult to know what to say, even though I experience the same. Thank you for your message. I expect it is the case that many are struggling and they are unsure what to say for the best. Perhaps they’re even afraid they might say something to make a person feel worse or reinforce their fears?
Tricia x
Wed Feb 2 2011 13:55:36 # -
Please help me, I am really struggling at the moment and I'm not sure how much longer I can take this.
I have suffered with OCD for quite a long time now, but around 5 years ago, POCD started to really effect me.
I've really got use to my OCD/POCD now and although I still have moments of utter panic, I have been getting by.
However, around a month ago, I had had a really bad week and then got an intrusive image regarding my daughter and I built on the image so much, that I feel my life is falling apart.
My mum and girlfriend are fantastic, and they have helped me through, but just when I felt I had sorted this out, I started thinking about something else, but related and this now feels worse.
Is it possible to have had thoughts, images or worries in the past, but then you go back to them and then they all of a sudden feel real. I can't move on, as I have now convinced myself I've done something, because of these thoughts and images that I have in my head.
Please help me, I don't know what to do anymore.
Fri Feb 4 2011 13:14:01 # -
UnregisteredDavy, It's more than possible, it happens frequently to so many of us.
It's very good to hear how supportive your mum and girlfriend are, but are you getting any professional help?
Would it help to talk about those past images which seem so real? I know the nature of this obsession makes it very hard to talk about. If you think it might help I'm quite prepared to listen.
Confiding in another person made the world of difference to me. If you don't feel able to go into too much detail here, you can always send me a PM.
Tricia x
Fri Feb 4 2011 13:26:34 # -
Hi David,
Welcome to the forum
I don't personally have this type of OCD so can't give much help but there are others that will be able to help as they have experience of this.
Have you been to your GP to ask for help with this. He could refer you to an appropriate professional for an assessment so that you can access treatment.
If you go to http://www.ocdaction.org.uk/support-info/resources/ you will find more information on getting treatment.
You can also click on support and info at the top of the page to find out more info on OCD.
In the meantime you can use the forum to get help and support from others. We're a friendly bunch and do our best to help each other.Best wishes
TrudyFri Feb 4 2011 13:28:03 # -
UnregisteredI’m not sure if we have spoken of this before on this thread. I know dreams have been mentioned in connection with other symptoms.
OCD has always followed me in sleep and dreams have often been even more distressing than the waking obsessions. For anyone who worries that their dreams are a reflection of themselves, their real desires etc, please rest assured that is not the case.
I dream of wallowing in ten feet high dung heaps (Not my favourite pastime, by the way). Previously, when my intrusive thoughts were of a very different nature, I dreamt of my husband with other women. The difference between my dreams and the dreams of someone with the kinds of sexual obsessions we are mainly talking about here, is that I know the manure disgusts me, likewise the images of other women. Had this not been the case, I am sure I would have believed my true self was taking over in sleep and that such images, however much my conscious mind felt revulsion, were somehow gratifying.
Fri Feb 4 2011 15:03:41 # -
Hi Davy,
Yes it is possible to have thoughts and come back to them. I have had similar thoughts to you, which I know can absolutely destroy you, but the fact that you are worrying about it shows that you would NOT do it because people who do don't think like we do. And, you wouldn't be telling anybody about it on here I am sure. You can always PM me if you want to talk , as I suffer from the same symptoms and would be happy to talk. Take care
Sat Feb 5 2011 23:01:01 # -
Thank you for your replies. I think of something and it can make me feel better for a short time, but then after a while, I go back to feeling how I did.
I just feel like something I said to myself before, or a guilty feeling I had, is all linked to this and it is so difficult to move on. I feel like I'm bringing down the people close to me and my gf is due to do away in less than 2 weeks, but she is not feeling too excited about going, as she is worried about me.
I find it really difficult when people say it's just your ocd, when I feel so much guilt and doubt. Do others feel like this.
My mum says you cant change what's in your past and you should try and make new and better memories and try and move on, but I am finding this so difficult and all I feel like I want to do is confess.
At the moment, I can't see any way out and this is worrying me, because all I see is greyness and I dread going to sleep at night, because I dread waking up in the morning.
This is the worst I have ever felt and I just feel like there are no answers.
Mon Feb 7 2011 13:47:39 # -
UnregisteredDavy, Are you taking any medication?
I also felt the hopelessness you describe, I think so many of us with intrusive thoughts do experience this.
The guilt is common, too. I don’t want to repeat my past history with sexual intrusive thoughts, because I’ve written them down here and I will bore those who have read them before, but it is possible to come through this, even though it feels hopeless when we are overwhelmed by the OCD.
Tricia x
Mon Feb 7 2011 14:01:50 # -
I am so happy to find this thread. I am not OCD and hope that I am not over-stepping any boundaries by posting here. I am dating a man that has told me that he has sexual thoughts about children and is very ashamed about it. He swears he would never harm a child, but does use the internet. I can't have babies and we have discussed adoption. I worry about having a little girl with him, but he says that boys drive him crazy and he wants a girl. I am sad that everyone on here struggles so much with their thoughts of sexual deviation, but am comforted to hear that you all also feel that you would never harm a child. I love him and want to be supportive. If anyone could talk to me about what is probably my irrational fears--I would soooooo appreciate it. I really, really love him and am not planning to leave him! I hope to marry him one day.
Wed Feb 16 2011 0:43:36 # -
UnregisteredHello Saefran, Of course you are not overstepping any boundaries, you are most welcome here!
Can you elaborate on ‘He swears he would never harm a child, but does use the internet’?
People with paedophilia OCD might be tempted to look at illegal images online, to try to convince themselves that they find such pictures disgusting. Do you mean your boyfriend is doing this?
Not all actual paedophiles carry out sexual acts on children (some do have consciences) and this is something I reluctantly mention on this thread, because many with OCD feel all paedophiles act out their desires and this confirms that they themselves are not paedophiles, just OCD sufferers who obsess that they are.
Sadly, even a few professionals make mistakes when diagnosing, because some are quite ignorant about paedophilia OCD.
Wed Feb 16 2011 13:12:07 # -
Thank you for writing back.
He looks at images on the internet of young girls. He says that he only looks at the no nude models and says that the hardcore stuff disgusts him. I do not know how frequently he does this, as we do not live together. He has actually had a young female child living with him and swears that he never touched her, but has told me numerous times how pretty she was. I do not know if he is OCD and/or a sex addict. I kinda believe that it is both. I have already told him that I would not allow the adoption of a girl for fear he may harm her. He does not get mad at me for saying this, but repeatedly tells me he would never do something like that. His rationalization is that it would hurt the child for her entire life and that he does not want to go to prison. Is it more likely that he might try something with a child that is living in his household or would she be safe? I realize that you can't know for sure since you do not know him, but in general and in your opinion??
Wed Feb 16 2011 23:16:28 # -
UnregisteredDear Saefran, Just to go straight to your last question. This is totally out of my league. I do know that it’s possible for a person with OCD to be a paedophile, but I‘ve never met anyone who has/is both. Some paedophiles have consciences and are aware that anything they did to a child would have devastating and long-term effects. What percentage of people who are attracted to young girls (or boys) can resist touching them all their lives, I truly don’t know. I would imagine being in close proximity must make it very difficult for them to resist touching the child. I would liken it to an alcoholic with a bottle of whisky in the house all the time, but I might be totally wrong. If your boyfriend has this attraction, I’m not sure there is any ‘cure’ for it. It is not regarded as an illness, but a sexual preference (albeit a deviant one in our modern society).
If the hardcore stuff truly disgusts him, I wouldn’t think he is a sex addict. However, maybe he is disgusted because he feels attraction, and knows this is unacceptable. I watched a programme about paedophiles and was surprised that I actually liked some of them, they were nice people, fighting against their sexuality which they knew was totally inappropriate. They were the ones who felt disgust, but they also admitted to feeling attraction.
You wrote that your boyfriend has said how pretty the young child was who stayed with him. I know many people who have passed similar remarks about young girls and no-one would think this worrying. Young children are very pretty. Times have changed, of course, and there is more concern now about innocent remarks and actions. I know my daughter (in her twenties) raised an eyebrow at the Maurice Chevalier song ‘Thank Heaven for Little Girls’. When I was her age I never thought anything of it!
The problem is, OCD is one of the biggest liars on Earth. It convinced me I’d cheated on my husband, when I had been near no other man. It makes those with paedophilia symptoms really believe they feel attraction for children when they do not. Some are convinced they might commit a terrible sexual act on a child, others develop false memories and believe they already have.
All I can say is that your boyfriend seems like a nice man. If he hasn’t received any counselling or therapy, this might help both of you to determine what is really going on. I think you also need to speak to a professional, because this really does need to be explored before you consider adopting a child. If you have serious doubts, then you’d never be comfortable leaving a young girl in his care. You would probably even worry about him bathing her or putting her to bed…
I honestly know so little about men who are actually attracted to young girls (people on this thread just fear they are). I reason that many heterosexual men live celibate lives and are no risk to adult females alone in their company. I don’t see why a man who feels attraction for a girl cannot resist this. However, I would be greatly disturbed if I knew my husband had found my daughter sexually attractive when she was young, even if he had managed to resist touching her at all. What I am saying is, even if I trusted a man 100% not to touch a child, I could not be happy in a relationship knowing he had these desires. Do consider very carefully whether you could live like that. If you feel like me, and your love for this man is strong enough, it might be better not to adopt any children. If, on the other hand, he has OCD and is not actually attracted to girls at all, that is very different. This is where you both desperately need professional guidance (preferably with a psychologist who is knowledgeable about paedophilia OCD).
As much as actual paedophiles are reviled by society (and quite rightly so when they so much as touch a child) I do have some sympathy with their sexuality. They did not choose to be the way they are.
Thu Feb 17 2011 14:05:52 # -
UnregisteredGiles, I wasn't either and others here have said they are the same. I have known you for some while and at no time did I ever think you fitted into the category you are referring to. It has always been obvious that you have OCD.
Fri Feb 18 2011 13:46:00 # -
Hi everyone
I'm so relieved I happened upon this thread/forum after googling a few key words. The subject matter is my very worst form of OCD...or 'Pure O' as I now understand it's called?
My OCD centres around harming others [physically, emotionally, mentally and sexual inappropriateness] together wih an extreme sense of responsibility. I do the checking thing all the time; cookers, windows, doors, cards/letters [opening and re-opening], making sure my purse/passports are in my bag etc. It got so bad at one point, that I changed my gas cooker for an electric one and I no longer send Christmas cards. That has helped me tremendously...at least there's 2 things I no longer have to obsess about.
Lauren ~ I could have written your story myself. You and I sound as if we've come out of the same mould.
My obsessions are so bad on ocassion, that I don't even have the intrusive 'thoughts' sometimes....I just get the unsettling 'feeling' that I've done something I shouldn't have [something sexually inappropriate usually]. I then invent things in my mind to correspond what that 'thing' could possibly be. I can't 'remember' these events, however, but when you're visualising an 'imagined' scenario 30 times a day, it's hard to differentiate between reality and fabrication.
It worries me greatly how these unsettling 'feelings' will just crop up without the intrusive thoughts preceeding them. Then I realised something...'triggers'. A link/signal in my brain is warning 'danger' during certain situations: Being alone with a child and no 'witnesses' [sometimes an adult too], being drunk and not remembering everything, or nodding off to sleep unexpectedly in front of the TV, when there are children and/or people around...again not remembering everything and losing track of time.
It's horrible. In the case of me falling asleep unexpectedly, I'll wake up with a start, shaking and not knowing where the hell I am, or what's happened. Sometimes when I fall asleep, I don't even realise I've fallen asleep and again wonder why the hell I can't remember the programme changing etc, etc.
This thread has given me great comfort and reassurance...I thought it was only me that had these experiences.
Sat Mar 5 2011 13:49:45 # -
UnregisteredDear Lavender, I began this thread because I felt we needed to be far more open about this symptom. As you can see, there has been considerable response. However, the majority of people have actually chosen to send me PMs, so embarrassed are they by their symptoms, so the real number of sufferers, even on this forum, is far greater than indicated by the thread.
I still believe that it is probably one of the most common forms of OCD. I have several friends with this awful symptom and only one has told her psychiatrist. I understand the reluctance people have and why they avoid confiding their obsessions, even in a psychiatrist. But, while we are so secretive about it, the true extent of the problem will remain hidden.
I have encouraged people here to make contact with one another. Many have experienced enormous relief by doing so.
Best wishes, Tricia.
Sat Mar 5 2011 14:07:32 # -
Thank you Tricia. When my children were babies [I have 4 and my eldest daughter is 24 now] it was an absolute nightmare. I won't go into details, but let's just say I thought I was seriously cracking up....or some sort of weirdo. It was so bad, that I can't remember quite a lot of their childhood...although I know I was a good, loving mother. My mind seemed constantly to be in a whirl of obsessing, checking and ruminating...horrid, horrid, horrid.
I was afraid to go to my doctor because I thought he wouldn't understand my symptoms and my children would be taken off me. Even I couldn't understand what was going on...so how the hell could he in my mind? I did confide in my husband once or twice [I couldn't tell him everything] and although he tried to assure me I was a good mother. It didn't help really.
Funnily enough, I wasn't so bad on my fourth child, my son, and I was relatively 'Pure O' free for a number of years. However, it reared it's ugly head again when my grandchildren came along.
Sat Mar 5 2011 14:25:55 # -
UnregisteredI'm so very sorry to hear that, Lavender.
The problem is, that if you had told your GP about your intrusive thoughts, years ago, or even a psychiatrist, it could have led to your children being taken from you (as you feared) because there was so little understanding about these OCD fears back then. Perhaps you did the right thing by keeping quiet. If only there had been online forums and the openness we have today, you would have at least realized you suffered from a very common condition and you were neither perverted nor cracking up.
I wonder why you had an easier time with your fourth child and why it‘s reared its ugly head again? I also have grandchildren. I’ve not seen the eldest for eighteen months and the youngest (who is six months old) I’ve not seen at all. This is due to my OCD. People don’t realize what a wretched condition it is, do they? I managed to alienate my mother-in-law because of it and history is repeating itself with my daughter-in-law.
Are you receiving any help now?
Sat Mar 5 2011 14:48:13 # -
Only self-help Tricia. Forums like this, youtube videos and books mainly. This is the only forum I have come across that has dealt with this particular area of OCD in such detail, where everything I've been [and currently am] suffering is shared so openly and honestly.
I'm sorry to hear about your problems and I'm so sorry you're not in contact with your grandchildren. It's an evil thing and so debilitating in many areas of our lives.
Do you not see your grandchildren through 'avoidance', or because your children don't understand your anxieties?
No, nobody understands, so thank god for places like this where we can feel safe and not judged.
Sat Mar 5 2011 19:15:08 #
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