OCD Action

Elyse
Member

So lately, it's gotten alot worse, i repeat things over and over again, i tap things, count things, stare at things/people, have thoughts in my head that bad things may happen if i don't do the things my conscious tells me to and feel i can no longer do anything where i do not have these thoughts or compulsions.
For an example, if i don't feel whatever the object is is in the right place, i will keep moving it and tapping it until i feel it is 'just right' or my brain will tell me to touch something, so i do, and then i have to carry on touching it a number of times until i feel i've tapped it enough times. I also have to look at something for a certain amount of time or my brain tells me something bad will happen such as death or illness, as-well as that i have to keep things in a certain order and have certain things lined up, i check plugs over and over again and also have to repeatedly tap them until i get to the point where i am angry with myself for tapping the object so many times. When i'm in the street something in my head says 'go to the left' so i'll go to the left and then something else says 'no, go to the right, otherwise something bad will happen' so then i go to the left, and it carries on like that, a viscous circle.
It's starting to take over my life and i feel people may laugh at me if i tell anyone, i have told my best-friend and want to tell my mum but i don't think she'll take me seriously and think it's nothing and it'll stop soon, but it's been going on for so long now and it's just getting worse, people start looking at me strangely when i tap things in the street or do a certain number of steps etc, i just don't know what to do and need help from someone who has OCD or has any advise! That'd be greatly appreciated, thanks very much, Elyse x

Thu Dec 9 2010 19:43:42 #
Ella
Member

Hi, i have commented on the obsessive compulsive dissorder forum

Hi again! ella

Thu Dec 9 2010 21:45:17 #
bitofamess
Member

Hi,
You should definately get that checked up, i have lived with ocd for as long as i can remember and didn't get it sorted until i was 15, by which time i was really suicidal, it might get worse so you should see someone asap as what you're describing sounds similar to some of the things i used to do, the counting and tapping and stuff. It was brave to tell your friend btw, well done! I really struggle with that sort of stuff, i have some good friends but don't feel i can really tell them much. Also your parents should be supportive, mine found it really difficult and kept blaming themselves but you should tell your mum, it helps to have someone whos living with you to know so they csn check up on you. Its really stressful and you have to prepare yourself for the fact they might be a bit shocked and might react badly to the news but you have to think of yourself because this is a really serious illness and has basically ruined my life, and it could have been better if i'd have got help earlier, so definitely see someone.
Good luck!
Xx

Sun Dec 12 2010 23:58:42 #
Elyse
Member

Hi Bitofamess,
Thanks so much for that really understanding reply, and i'm sorry to hear that your OCD got that bad, I really am. Is it any better now? I hope it is. That's one thing I just can't seem to bring myself to do, I just can't tell my mum, I've mentioned it before but she wasn't very worried and said it'd go, but now it's gotten so much worse, it takes over everything sometimes, I'll do odd things like i've checked the gate and made sure it's locked, but then i have to go back again and again to check it's definitely locked, even though i know it is. It also stops me from doing some things i'd like to do etc. My friend said she would come to the doctor with me if it was necessary and if i couldn't tell my mum, but i think i will, i'll have to because it's just getting so tough now, and i'm starting to think others think i'm strange when i tap repeatedly etc, i want to stop but i just can't.
Thanks again, I really appreciate it, and I'm here anytime you need to talk about your OCD!
x

Wed Dec 22 2010 16:43:59 #
Elyse
Member

Hi Ella,
thanks for your reply on my other post, I really appreciate it!
Elyse x

Wed Dec 22 2010 16:45:13 #
bitofamess
Member

Hi sorry cos my reply might have been a bit depressing lol, i wasn't in a very good state when i wrote it. but yeah it got quite a lot better with some CBT, but i have to admit i had a relapse about two months ago hich was horrible, although it wasn't as bad as when i had it before it was relatively really bad, i stopped eating and started cutting myself but with medication i'm getting better, i've stopped losing weight so quickly and haven't been cutting myself so much...
anyway i hate being able to be understanding if you see what i mean... but it can (and will) get better, you have to have a positive attitude however hard that is. but in all seriousness i would come with you and your friend to get it sorted cos it can get really bad, anything i can do to help...
and thanks for your concern btw, the 'I really am' bit and 'I hope it is' made me feel good, thanks!!!
and i definitely understand you not being able to tell your mum, i still technically haven't, i had to get my GP to tell my parents... it was really hard. (fortunately :s) my parents already had some experience of mental illness (my brother is very midly tourettic and my dad has depression) but it was still a shock... but you've done a really good thing by coming on here, we understand and are here to help!!! i only found this on the same day i wrote the post to you, i was really down and needed somewhere to vent my feelings lol.
also (finally!!!) i know what you mean about it taking over everything sometimes, it gets so suffocating and bad, but it can get better!!! and i HAD some of the same compulsions as you (checking stuff was locked etc.) but it can get better after a bit!!! its not an immediate miracle cure (CBT and medication) but if you stick with it you can and will get better!!!
anyways sorry for the essay lol, private message me if you want to talk about anything else.
Xxxx

Thu Dec 23 2010 3:09:51 #
Worlock8
Member

Hello Elyse,
I have nearly the exact same problems you are experiencing. My thoughts tell me that I have to do something an even number of times, and that if I don't my personality will change. This meant touching things twice, going into a room a number of times, not touching the kerb of a road and other things. This was a lot more worse in the first stages of my OCD, but with CBT meetings I have been able to deal with them a lot better than I used to. The people who I have talked with say that keeping on doing the habits makes the OCD worse, and when you resist doing them every so often, it makes it better (it may not seem like it at the time, but you'll realize when you practise!).
Good luck with the CBT, it will give you a good step forward in coping with these thoughts!
Matthew

Sun May 22 2011 15:54:04 #