OCD Action

bill
Member

Hi everyone,
I have OCD and i think derealization & depersonalization and i have been seeing a therapist and i had explained to her my fear to her of developing psychosis.
On our last meeting i told her of these unreal feelings & all these thoughts about reality & she told me it was all OCD and then some time last week she rang me and told me she had reffered me for an assesment with a psychiatrist, the psychiatrist just rang me to confirm the appointment and she said they deal with young people who have or may be developing psychosis! and iam terrified im psychotic now, i'm really annoyed with my therapist to be honest does she not realise shes just worsening my situation? I now have to wait until the 25th of january for this appointment where a doctor and this psychiatrist will come out to my house for an hour long visit.
I'm worried everything isnt just OCD what if all my thoughts are psychotic thoughts? what if i do actually want to hurt people?
She told me ''not to worry'' does she even understand anxiety?
My dad had psychotic depression last year and this is where all this fear stems from, i feel stupid for opening up, I know she's just trying to help me but i have been having a good few days and felt like i was getting somewhere, i'm just worried there going to come out diagnose me with psychosis/schizophrenia and dose me up on anti-psychotics, i cant believe this is happening to me at 21, could anyone offer me some insight please?
Many thanks
Bill

Tue Jan 10 2012 16:20:51 #
Wings
Member

Dont worry Bill, I know how you feel, its almost like the one you trusted has let you down, but dont panic, the same confidentiality aplies to the psychiatrist, no one will know whats going on and im sure nor will he, its just a referal, shes just given you an oportunity to have further help as she feels you need a new direction, its all good, admitedly she should have discussed this with you first, she was very wrong not to, but always remember any help is good help. dont worry ok.

Tue Jan 10 2012 16:34:34 #
wannabefree
Member

Hi Wings, Hi Bill, Hopefully this is just intrusive thoughts having a go at you, such is OCD. I happen to be on anti-psychotic medication to try and curb the intrusive thoughts I have. It is given at night, so I sleep through the initial stages of the medication working. At Worst, I have dreams in which I don't suffer from OCD, so when I wake up I'm confused!
Your therapist has referred you to a professional who specialises in something, whereas your GP will specialise in another, but they both do a similar job as the others in their respective professions. So though this person may specialise in working with psychosis etc, that doesn't necessarily mean they're expecting to find that in you, it may simply be so they can rule it out, so a positive move forward regarding your current feelings. As Wings says, try not to worry about it...
Wannabe

Tue Jan 10 2012 20:09:47 #
slogsweep
Member

Hello Bill, we're the same age, I'm sorry to hear you're suffering. I went through a similar fear. The idea that you worry about things being psychotic is evidence that you are not. It's sadly OCD working away as it does. You're the prime age for OCD too.

They won't put you on anti-psychotics straight away. It'll be SSRI's for at least 3 months. Some on here do take anti psychotics despite being absolutely 100% nnot psychotic.

Read up on the OCD, it's the best medicine but not online as there's a lot of rubbish out there. Buy or borrow a book or two and relax, it's OCD. If it feels like OCD it probably is OCD.

Best wishes
Slog

Tue Jan 10 2012 20:38:52 #
Mike
Member

Bill,

First off, from what you said there is no reason to think you have any sort of psychosis. I'm assuming your doctor made the appointment because symptoms like derealization/depersonalization often sound similar to schizo-typal disorders, and she just wants to make sure. What's happening now is that your OCD is causing you to worry out of control. You can try to reassure yourself over and over again that you aren't psychotic, and that everything is just the OCD, but this will not make the anxiety go away because the OCD will never be satisfied, no matter how much reassurance you give it. This is why compulsions (i.e. reassurance) don't cure people of their OCD. In fact, they feed the OCD cycle.

To overcome the OCD you should refuse to engage in any reassurance-seeking behavior (compulsions) no matter how anxious it makes you. Do you have a therapist that can work with you on this? Because of the anxiety, it can be dangerous to do alone. A therapist should also be doing exposure therapy with you, which is the most proven method of treating OCD, possibly even better by itself than medications by themselves. The idea behind the treatment is that no matter what kind of fear you have, the best way to overcome it is to expose yourself to that fear, instead of trying to avoid it. The OCD makes you incapable of coping with the possibility that you're psychotic; ERP therapy will train your mind to be able to live with that possibility, and only worry about it if there's evidence that suggests that it might actually be true.

-Mike

Wed Jan 11 2012 19:39:53 #
wannabefree
Member

Hows it going today Bill?
Wannabe

Wed Jan 11 2012 20:41:34 #
bill
Member

Hi everyone i'm sorry its taken me so long to reply!
I had my assesment & iam not psychotic nor do i have schizophrenia, i have pure o and derealization & depersonalization. I will be seeing a psychiatrist who will also subscribe me with meds (fluoxetine) which i'm abit weiry about taking but i'm willing to try anything now to be honest, has anyone had any experiences with these meds?
Once again thankyou for all your replies, it means alot.
Bill

Tue Jan 31 2012 17:06:44 #
Mike
Member

Bill,

Did the psychiatrist also recommend seeing a CBT therapist? Oftentimes the therapy is more helpful than medications (and without the side effects).

Tue Jan 31 2012 17:38:09 #
aishah
Member

Hi Bill,

Glad you're appt went well and you will get some relief from medication. I take a high dose of anti-depressants and an anti-psychotic medication too to help slow down the intrusions.

I have had varying relief from different medications, I have tried quite a few. I know one thing, I definately need to take medication as I can't function without it, I've tried.

I hope it helps you.

Bridget

Tue Jan 31 2012 17:39:06 #
Unregistered

Hi Bill,

A lot of people who have OCD and / or depression experience something known as "DPAFU", which stands for "Depersonalization and Feelings of Unreality".

That's a hell of a mouthful, but it basically means when you get those weird feelings like, "Is this really happening?"; "I feel odd,"; "I don't feel like myself,"; or "I feel like I'm just watching my life, but I don't feel like it's really happening."

This is a very common experience when people are depressed, or when they have a problem like OCD. (I experienced these feelings throughout my teens and twenties, and it frightened me a lot.)

The short version is, the more you think about these thoughts, and the more you think about what they mean, and turn them over and over in your head, the worse the problem gets. (Just like with OCD. The more you think about it, the worse it seems to get.)

Here's a link for a fantastic book about Depersonalization:

http://www.amazon.co.uk/Overcoming-Depersonalization-Feelings-Unreality-Anthony/dp/1845295544/ref=sr_1_1?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1328345675&sr=1-1

Take a look at this book on Amazon, using this link, if you're interested.

After experiencing DPAFU for 20 years or so, I read this book and realized I had been worrying for nothing for 2 decades!

Re: Fluoxetine, I am also taking this, and it's been helpful to me. (But I had awful side-effects for the first 4 to 6 weeks. So I was taking it for maybe 2 months before it started to help me at all. Then it was great.)

All the best.

Sat Feb 4 2012 9:09:08 #
Sappy
Member

I'm also afraid because I usually think about wishing bad things to happen to people I love :'(

Londoner, yes, that's how I feel. It's like I'm not really here, I only feel sadness and nothing more...most of the time I feel like everything's unreal

Bill, it's an obssessive thought. My father also had a mental disease and I also became afraid of having it. Our situations are actually pretty similair in a way. You aren't psychotic, if you were you wouldn't become so worried about it, that means that you are recognizing it as something that is not you, but rather an intrusive thought. Don't worry, wish you the best

Tue Feb 21 2012 5:17:21 #
bill
Member

Hi everyone,
Thank you for all of your replies, i'm sorry it takes me so long to reply as i'm trying not to use the internet as much because I think it's turned into abit of a crutch for me, which isn't helpful.
I started the fluoxetine 20mg and I was on it for 9 days but it made my derealization/depersonalization really bad, I felt like life was completely fake (but I knew it wasn't :S)which is confusing but it was really odd, so I went back to my doctor and he has prescribed me Anafranil(clomipramine) 10mg & I really do not want to take this medication, infact I don't think I will be taking it. I know it sounds selfish & I should accept all help I get but I really don't want to go down the meds route. I have never been one for medication, I don't even really like taking paracetamols, I know that sounds abit dramatic but that's just how i'am.
The other thing i'm worried about is that my therapy sessions end soon, infact I only have 4 left & the therapist i'm seeing hasn't done any exposure therapy with me, mainly when I go it's just talking about the thoughts which makes me feel better for the rest of the day but the next day it's all back again. What do I do once these run out? am I just like a lost cause who will have to go on meds to even function?. The early intervention team who came to see me said they would put me in contact with a psychiatrist who would deal with meds and therapy, they said I would get an appointment within 2 weeks and that was the 25th of January, I have rang them on numerous occasions only to be told they will get back to me.
And I hope you're all doing well too
Bill

Tue Feb 28 2012 4:22:36 #