OCD Action

Cat
Member

Hey everyone..My names Cat..i'm 18 years old..and i'm pretty sure that i have Ocd. This is the first time that i have really read about it online, and i've never really wanted to admit how much it effects my life. Which now..is alot. The only person i have really properly spoken to about it before is my mom, But it would be nice to be able to speak to some people who are going through the same thing. It started a few years ago..i had to do things in fours..not always physical things, but sometimes just repeating or spelling out words four times in my head. Night time is the worst, when every night without fail i have to check all the plug sockets (four times), both the front and back doors are locked (four times) and check all the lights are off (four times!). Thats just a small list of this nightly routine i have to go through. Sometimes..i get half way up the stairs..and still at the back of my mind i'm thinking are the doors locked? When i know they are..but i still have to check them all again. When i leave the house its just as bad..having to check four times that the windows are shut..and that i've locked the front door behind me. Quite often i've got to the end of my street and turned around and gone back to check it. My Ocd has also been worsened by my fear of clowns. I have a massive fear of them..and i panic that there is one in the house..so i have to check everywhere that there isn't. I never used to be this scared of them before the ocd started. At one point friends and family started to notice some weird things i was doing, for instance i also have a thing about touching wood. I know alot of people say touch wood when they don't want to risk something happening..but i started doing it randomly..i'd think of something horrible happening to a loved one..and i'd have to quickly touch a tree or something. It was embarrassing, because they didn't understand :(. I've became good at hiding this now though, so nobody knows what i go through daily. I feel if i don't do these things, terrible things will happen..and they'll be my fault. It gets me down alot..and even now as i've written this i've cried a little..realising how bad i actually am. This is just a few of the things i do, unfortunately there's a whole lot more. I've never been to the doctors about this..because everytime i think i will..i think to myself i can get better on my own and that i don't need to go. But i never do..and i never get better. I just wanted to talk to people who have been through a similar thing. I would appreciate some advice, because i'm not coping well with this anymore :(.

Sun Apr 10 2011 22:10:51 #
Ratwomble
Member

Dear Cat

Welcome to the forum, there are a load of people here who are either going through, or have been through what you describe. Your description of nightly lock up struck a particular chord with me: about a year ago my OCD was so bad that my nightly lockup took up to 45 minutes and sometimes I would just freeze staring at a door lock and convincing myself it was locked.

Leaving the house became impossible. Partly because of other issues around roads and cars, but also because being sure fhat the house was secure. As for intruders I used to have to check the garage for about ten to fifteen minutes when leaving to make sure that no one had crept in.

My 11 year old daughter has a fear of clowns, although thankfully not OCD.

So I shall wheel out the only advice I can give. You should definitely go to see your doctor. There are a variety of treatments available, usually medication (some of which can be very effective) and cognitive behavioural therapy with a clinical psychologist.

I don't think I would have recovered from OCD without medication and cbt, but I should point out that some people on this forum are less enthusiastic about medications. I'm on the maximum dose of fluvoxamine, and it does me very nicely.

Finally, because I have a tendency to ramble, I should say that your mention of fours made me smile. I thought that was just me!

Feel free to send me a personal message if you like, or respond here. You will find this forum very supportive and encouraging. It is possible to get OCD under control and seeking help is the first step.

Again welcome to the forum, and I look forward to reading your posts.

Best wishes

David

Mon Apr 11 2011 0:36:39 #
Ratwomble
Member

P.s. While there are lots of people around your age on the forums here many use the main OCD forum as the teens forum sometimes gets overlooked by people. So you could consider reporting this message there if you like. My 15 year old son (maxthedog) hangs around in here sometimes. He doesn't have OCD but qualifies because of me!

Mon Apr 11 2011 0:43:26 #
Tess
Member

Hi Cat
Just a quick welcome to the forum and to say I LOVE your avatar. By finding this forum and realising you probably have OCD you have already made the first step in getting control of your OCD. David is absolutely right, ideally the next step is to go and see your GP and discuss it with him with a view to starting a course of treatment. If this seems too daunting at present then I would recommend a good look round this website where you will find a wealth of information about OCD and the various treatments which are available. It's very hard to combat OCD on your own, especially when you don't know where to start and you will need to learn ways to self help which will take time.
There are lots of self help books, if you click on Sitemap and scroll down to Resources, then click on Books you will find a selection of books you can buy from Amazon and OCD Action will get a small donation if you buy a book this way.

Mon Apr 11 2011 10:05:11 #
Cat
Member

Thank you both very much for your replies. It helps to know there are people i can talk to about this who know what i'm talking about..and because you've been through similar things..i don't sound silly.
I have been looking around the website quite alot and have discovered that some things i do..are connected to my ocd. Like hoarding things..i never throw anything away..even if its useless..especially receipts..even if its just for something simple like milk.
I also like to have constant reassurance, more when i am in a relationship..which has actually driven me away from people in the past..and i often feel the need to tell people things that i've done..that really don't matter..but i feel guilty if i don't.
I just feel like i have no control over my brain and what it thinks anymore.

David, i stare at the doors to check they're locked too! I honestly thought that was just me! Its like my eyes don't believe what they're seeing..so i stare at the lock until i feel satisfied that its locked and i can leave it.
Checking taps and the oven are other big problems of mine. Its actually exhausting having to constantly do all this. I start a new job soon and i really don't want it to start effecting that too.

I didn't even realise that you could get medication for this, i thought that the only thing that could help was therapy. Looking around this site has definitely helped me understand ocd alot more.
I've gone to make appointments at the doctors several times and then decided not to..but since reading your replies i have now made an appointment for tomorrow.

I'm not sure which bit is the main ocd forum..there are so many on here..i'm abit confused

Tess i will look into buying one of the books that you've mentioned..and i love! cats..so my avatar is just a cute kitten picture i found
Thanks again!

Mon Apr 11 2011 10:24:16 #
Ratwomble
Member

Dear Cat

The main forum is the one called "Obsessive compulsive disorder" or something like that. It's the one with the most posts and threads in it.

I used to do taps, doors, etc. Thanks to a combination of therapy and medication I am in recovery now and while I still have OCD thoughts they don't bother me.

Reassurance, feeling of lack of control, doubting your own memory, rechecking things, ovens etc are all familiar things to mist of us around this site. The odd statistic is that about 2-3% of the population suffer from OCD to a degree that affects their daily life so you probably know someone who also suffers but hasnt said anything. Plus that means there must be about a million people in the uk who understand what you are going through. You are not slone. Also, OCD sufferers are VERY good at hiding our strange behaviours so you may be closer than you think to a fellow sufferer.

Good luck with the doctor tomorrow. Do let us know how you get on. My gp was fantastic. He understood what it was, knew how to proceed, treated it no differently to anything else i had been to see him about. I remember the overwhelming sense of relief when I felt that I was getting some help to deal with it. That feeling of being alone is one of the worst aspects we face.

Never worry about posting questions here. Combined we have hundreds ( if not thousands) of years of experience with this thing. Someone will be sure to be able to answer some of your questions.

Best wishes

David

P.s. My cat is called max, he's an enormous neutered Tom, 7 years old. I therefore also like your avatar.

Mon Apr 11 2011 10:58:43 #
Maxthedog
Member

Hey there

Welcome to the forum! It's a very good place, and everyone here is very helpful and supportive. I'm Ratwomble's son, Andrew, so I haven't actually suffered from direct OCD, but I have shown some sympathetic symptoms, and I know the feeling you get, when you get really worked up about something you know shouldn't matter, but does.

Andrew

Mon Apr 11 2011 19:03:03 #