OCD Action

Unregistered

Hi all

I know I've been positive recently, but I'm unhappy and I need to tell you all about how alone I feel at the moment.

Things have been really good recently, and I mentioned a girl at work I really enjoy talking to, and became interested in. I mentioned earlier I wasn't into interracial relationships, because I feel like I'm taking advantage of someone who is from a less privileged country, whom may not have the defences of British women. Consequently, I'd be taking advantage of her good nature.

But the problems I have started today. Basically, it wasn't a brilliant day, but I tried to be positive about it and take it on the chin. I was at the gym, had a good session, but reacted negatively to a college girl walking outside with a friend in a short skirt. That I pretty much brished aside.

In work, my first major customer was a complete a**e and tried to make me feel useless, but screw it, I thought. It got resolved in the end. I then had a customer who was 93 and really didn't understand computers. I got so close resolving his email issue, but in the end, after 4 hours of patience and the fact that it was his teatime, I decided to set a callback for him (so frustrating. My stats get affected badly).

I chatted to the girl I liked and asked her if she wanted to join me with mates at work in Newquay to do some surfing. I tried to talk to her during lunch, but she was on the phone. But the problem I have is that I did it again. Imagined a 5 year relationship in 60 seconds and am now not attracted in the slightest.

This, consequently has fuelled my pedo beliefs, feelings and has just confirmed that I'll never feel anything again. I feel like I may have blanked her inadvertedly when she finished work, and I'm not sure what to do here.

If I don't fall in love by the time I am 40, I am going to kill myself, before my friends take me to holland and confirm that I am a pedo in the most humiliating circumstances.

I'm sorry. I have to be miserable in this post. I'm just so unhappy
I will continue to be positive in my other posts. What do I do? I've proven to myself time and time again I'm not normal

Thu Mar 18 2010 23:17:32 #
Unregistered

Oh, also looking at Phils post, I think I may have gotten pleasure from my pedo arousal thoughts. Am I a paedophile? Someone tell me I am, so I can kill myself. Seeking a mental health professional won't help. What will they give me, aversion therapy? Basically avolidance and response prevention. I'm finished

Thu Mar 18 2010 23:30:51 #
Truddles
Member

Hi Giles,

Sorry you're feeling so unhappy again

Imagining a five year relationship in 60 seconds is called being human. Most of us do it at some point in our lives. But when you have OCD the idea can stick and become difficult to shake off. The intensity of the idea can be quite frightening and so becomes a turn off.

You may have inadvertently blanked her after work but she probably didn't even notice especially if she was concentrating on getting home. The next time you see her explain you didn't mean to appear rude and I'm sure she'll understand.

Giving yourself a time limit for falling in love never works, it just puts you under undue pressure. You need to get out and enjoy yourself and love will then surely happen. If you go looking for it you're likely to be disappointed.

I've proven to myself time and time again I'm not normal
And that's the problem you're only looking for the things that you think make you not normal. You're not stopping to think about all the things that prove that you are normal. The only thing that is wrong with you is that you have OCD. That doesn't make you not normal it just means you're normal and happen to have OCD.

I know it's not nice being alone but hang on in there as there's someone out there for each and everyone of us. It's just that for some of us it takes longer to find that special someone.

Take care

Auntie Trudy

Thu Mar 18 2010 23:54:44 #
Truddles
Member

BTW I sent the post before I saw your second message and I've sent you a PM.

Fri Mar 19 2010 0:09:19 #
Blueskies
Member

Giles I will come back 2moro ok. I can hear how things are for you at the moment. I have read your post will reply to it 2more. Wish I had time now.

Fri Mar 19 2010 0:15:18 #
Unregistered

Hi Giles
So sorry to hear you are unhappy because you have been brilliant making us all laugh. As for the interracial relationships, all relationships are two-way and there is no way you will be taking advantage of someone just because they are of a different culture and maybe from a less privileged country. You could equally think they might be taking advantage of you because of the possible benefits of your origins and culture.
Seems as though you have already made the first approach by asking her about the Newquay trip, now it's up to her to respond. I doubt she would think you were blanking her after having talked about going to Newquay, as Trudy says she probably didn't even notice.
You haven't proven to yourself you're not normal only that your reactions and feelings are excessvely affected by uncertainty, lack of self esteem, fear of rejection or appearing foolish. Everyone feels like that but very few people would care enough about others to spend 4 hours trying to explain computers to a 93 year old. That alone proves you are lovable and the girl you like at work will have seen that for herself.
This is getting interesting Giles, I will look forward to developments. If she responds positively but shyly I suspect that original attraction might reappear. If not, there's always chicken madras.

Fri Mar 19 2010 13:22:14 #
Unregistered

I'll see how things go. I think I like her - I like talking to her, but there always needs to be a prop i.e. the latest edition of Take a Break, because I opinionate about the articles and we have a great conversation out of it. She has beautiful eyes too, and a lovely smile.

But at work, I need boundaries and she'd have to understand that I will blank her and not be in the mood to talk to her.

I'm not going to see her until at least tuesday now. She did seem keen on the trip. I'm planning to ask her out for a coffee too to talk

Fri Mar 19 2010 22:00:51 #