OCD Action

amy88
Member

Hi everyone. I'm just feeling in a bad mood! I wash my hands too much and worry about germs but i can't help it. But when i do, my dad or my brother make remarks like "you've got to stop" or when i worry that i'm ill they say its all my imagination. In some ways they're trying to help but they don't understand what its like. I would love to wake up one morning and not worry about every little thing but thats not going to happen and i wish that people would stop expecting it to. When i go to the dr's and find out that i'm ok the first thing my mums says is "now i don't want to hear you going on about another illness". I feel sorry for her and the rest of my family because i know it gets them down and is annoying but i am who i am! I'm going to my first CBT appointment next wednesday so i really hope that'll help.

Fri Dec 2 2011 15:56:30 #
Cuthbert ffoliott
Moderator

Hi there Amy -

your story is as burdensome for you as it is a common experience for many patients, including yours truly. Friends and family of patients rarely, if ever, understand fully what it is like to not be able to stop compulsive behaviour, or worrying.

Hey, if even so many doctors and other clinicians fail to get a grip on the true impact of OCD... how can laypersons then do that, even partially? People without OCD can stop washing hands at any given point in time, with their free will. With us, it's different. Our free will is somehow impaired, and should we decide to break a train of compulsions (e.g. by suddenly jumping back from a washing basin), we're confronted with immense fears.

I am convinced that we have an uncanny ability to imagine reality itself in extreme fashion (and that is absolutely not the same as having delusions). There are many germs around us. 'Normal' people usually simply and automatically blank out that truth from their mental picture of the world. We don't. And that presents us with enormous problems.

So, there is an immense gap between us and those around us, those close to us. How to bridge that gap? I guess the ways to do that are:

- talk, in a gentle and patient manner; I myself know from sad experience that too much emphasising and being upset only works counterproductive;

- listen carefully, and you hint at this: those around us don't want to hurt us. Mostly they're worried first, and later irritation may creep in, because their efforts don't have effect on our behaviour; we must try to filter out these emotions and then let their words sink in;

- show (and this is perhaps the most important way) - I mean: this site alone offers a lot of information, information that has the potential to provide non-patients with authoritative knowledge on OCD. Laypersons sometimes see what I call Grade-Z sensationalist stuff in the media about our illness, and that doesn't help. What good is it to watch an enormously messy, dirty kitchen, filled with tons of material that should have been discarded long ago, if it's not accompanied by expert commentary? Joe Public's reaction is predictable: a pretty mean old laugh above his pint of beer.

------------

At any rate: I am so glad that you will get CBT as of next wednesday. This will in all probability mean a giant leap forward. Please do keep us updated on how things are going for you... every patient's story is an important part in the great tapestry of OCD knowledge.

Wishing you all the very best out of a pretty cold Holland,

Cuthbert.

PS: always feel free to send a private message, Amy!

Fri Dec 2 2011 17:11:47 #
Unregistered

Hi Amy88,

well done for sorting out a course of CBT. That's one of the important steps on the road to recovery. You can feel very proud of yourself for taking that step.

If you take a look at another thread that's been going on today, you'll see that Coco has just had her first session of CBT this week.

It's really hard for people who don't have OCD to understand the torment that OCD can cause to sufferers. When my OCD was at its worst, it was torture -- absolute torture! None of my friends or family understood what I was going through -- and they often told me that there was nothing wrong with me! (OCD can't be seen, so some people just think it's all made up.) But everyone on this forum knows that OCD can be Hell!

You've done a fantastic and brave thing, by telling your GP what you're going through, and a course of CBT might just turn your life around.

Good luck with your first CBT session, Amy!

Fri Dec 2 2011 17:50:07 #
wannabefree
Member

Hi Amy, welcome to the forums, I second what Cuthbert and Londoner have said... Well done on getting as far as you have, and to the next stage, your CBT which is gonna be magical...
wannabe

Fri Dec 2 2011 20:13:17 #
slogsweep
Member

Ask your family to read a chapter of an OCD book concerning how your family can help you. They love you very much, so will only want to help. By trying to discourage you from your compulsions they are trying to help anyway, they're just unaware that it doesn't work for us sadly.

Or find some information online, nothing too in-depth or wordy, something easily absorbed and remembered, that can be triggered in their minds when your compulsions agitate the family member.

My brother's a handwasher too, thanks to people on here I'm far more understanding of it.

Slog

Sat Dec 3 2011 8:57:40 #
aishah
Member

Hi Amy,

Sorry to hear that things are difficult for you right now. I'm pleased that you start CBT next week, I'm sure you will find it very helpful and get some relief from your OCD.

I am wondering if your family might find it easier to understand your condition more if they had a look at some of the posts on here. I know it is a hard condition to understand as it is not always obvious to another person,the mental torment that we go through.

It has taken me a very long time (years) to be able to explain to other people what it's like.

I wish you well for next week and let us know how you get on.

Bridget

Sat Dec 3 2011 18:12:59 #
wannabefree
Member

Hi Amy, I agree 100% with what slog and bridget have said... Keep us posted on how your CBT goes...
wannabe

Sat Dec 3 2011 20:56:03 #
amy88
Member

Hi everyone. Thanks for the replies. Today has been okish, my dad has been offered a flat so that means he might be moving out. It really upset me because i feel like i've caused it because of all my problems and it didn't help that i found out just before my CBT session! I went to that and i feel like it could really help me along with anti depressants. My Dr is looking into me going back on them but maybe different ones. The woman who is going to be working with me seems really nice so i feel better about it now.

Wed Dec 7 2011 19:14:27 #
Unregistered

Hi Amy,

it's brilliant news that you've been to your first CBT session. And it's also great that you liked the woman that's going to be doing therapy with you. That's really fantastic -- big applause!

Don't blame yourself for anything that your dad or any other family members do in their lives. They'll make their own decisions, regardless of whatever you do. Just focus on getting yourself better. OCD is a nightmare -- so don't burden yourself with guilt about other people. Whatever your Dad does, it's his decision -- and not your fault in any way.

I have attached some links for some of the really good information packs that are on the OCD Action website. (Under "Resources".) Take a quick look at them when you get a chance; they helped me a lot.

http://www.ocdaction.org.uk/files/2011/02/What-Is-Obsessive.pdf

http://www.ocdaction.org.uk/files/2011/02/What-Is-Cognitive-Behavioural-Therapy.pdf

http://www.ocdaction.org.uk/files/2011/02/Medication-for-OCD.pdf

http://www.ocdaction.org.uk/files/2011/02/Supporting-a-person-with-OCD.pdf

http://www.ocdaction.org.uk/support-info/files/2011/02/CBT-checklist.pdf

http://www.ocdaction.org.uk/files/2009/09/nice-cg031-publicinfo.pdf

One of these packs is called "Suporting a Person with OCD". If you want to, you could read it through and then give a copy to your dad, or any other family members, to help them to understand what a serious and tormenting illness OCD is.

I'm really pleased you went to your CBT session -- gold star!

Wed Dec 7 2011 21:06:22 #
wannabefree
Member

Hi Amy, good stuff, it is brill that your therapist is okay, I think that is half the battle, as long as the therapist is okay, and as said, don't worry about your family, they'll do their own thing, you may even find it's nice getting your own space back!
wannabe

Wed Dec 7 2011 21:37:25 #